


Running into trouble

by Alexasnow



Category: Assassin's Creed, Ezio Auditore da Firenze - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bloody battles, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Innuendo, Mildly Dubious Consent, Politics, Romance, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:23:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 50,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5160263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexasnow/pseuds/Alexasnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alessandra has been living on the streets for some time, and after stealing again to stay alive, Ezio tracks her down, and offers his aid</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fancy running into you

**Author's Note:**

> Please read additional tags, as there is material that may trigger some readers

I had become quite adept at running, and climbing, I had to be, as being poor in Florence either meant dying upon the streets, whoring yourself out, or stealing, and I chose the lesser of those evils, I was running swiftly through the crowds pulling away from the man crying after me, I could hear his shouts of thief stop, it was not that I didn’t have a conscience it was more that I wanted to live another week.

I had bathed in a lake so the smell of the streets had left me, making blending in with crowds so much easier, my clothes were tattered but I had to think of food before other comforts, I heard the man yelling to a friend, begging him to stop me, I paid no heed to their conversation as I climbed up, and out of sight, I paused for a moment to catch my breath, only to hear a man state “Hand over the money, and nothing with come of this”

I didn’t even turn to acknowledge him, I bolted off, running to the closest roof top, but he managed to keep up with me, as I leapt over another roof, I was beginning to grow weary, he had managed to corner me, there was no way out, I was not a fighter, but I was willing to learn, so I looked up at him, he was not what I had expected, despite my defensive stance I couldn’t help but notice his piercing eyes, and remarkable jaw line. He turned on the swagger and charm when he realise I was woman, as he drew close he tilted his head, he had not expected me either.

“Look just hand the money over, am sure we can work something out” he smiled widely.

“It must be nice to have those options, those of us who struggle must survive somehow”

“There are opportunities to work in the city, why steal from decent people?”

“Are you this naïve, I am not from a good family, I have no possibilities, dead, whore or thief, and I chose the one I could live with, I need to eat, do you know what its like to starve?”

I could tell I was swaying him, but then he stated “Look give back what you took, and I can help you”

“I do not need your charity” I snapped.

“I was offering to help but if you insist upon this stupidity I have no choice”

I tried to run, but he blocked my escape, I threw a punch, it was embarrassingly off target, he seemed amused, as I lost my balance, crashing into the wall, I turned, I felt furious, I charged at him, managing to knock him into the wall as he was caught off guard by the strength of my charge. He grabbed my shoulders pinning me to the wall “Where is it?” I ignored him, trying to free myself from his vice like grip “Don’t make me search you” he warned.

Turning me to face the wall, he swiftly slid his fingers up my legs, dodging my foot kicking out, he used his weight to press me to the wall, trailing his fingers over my shirt, stopping short of my breasts, I was hoping he would be to shy or awkward to continue but the pause must have been for me to object, his hands cupped my breasts groping gently. Sliding his hand into my shirt he pulled the money bag free. 

“Now you didn’t have to make this so hard on yourself did you” he added with an annoying arrogance.

I kissed him, he seemed taken by surprise, as was I when he began to kiss me back, I snatched the money, dashing out of the dead-end, amused by the look of confusion upon his face, as I scaled another building, he gave up the chase finally, but I couldn’t deny that I had felt something, I was not sure what, and I was not willing to admit it to myself but I felt something.

After my run in with that man my mind often drifted back to him, I didn't know his name but I didn't forget his face, as I ate what little I could buy it was enough, it took the edge off the hunger, and made me less weary. I was heading to my favourite spot in the city when I heard a voice calling, I ignored them assuming it was not for me. But as I found my hidden spot in the city, I heard someone drop into my space, I turned to see the same man from earlier, I backed away "wait, I am not here to cause you trouble, I want to help"

"I told you I don't want your charity"

"Are you always so stubborn?!" He shouted in frustration.

"Yes, I have survived alone for a long time, and I manage fine"

"I don't think we have the same definition of fine, you look close to starvation, your clothes are ragged, and your pale enough to frighten a ghost"

"What does it matter to you?!" I challenged.

"There is some truth in what you said, and I found myself feeling guilty, I have means, I could help you, and others who also struggle in such a manner"

I didn't want to believe him, I had trusted the wrong people before and it cost me dearly, I felt resistant, but the more he spoke the more he wore down my defences. 

"I will accept your help on one condition"

"Name it"

"You feed the starving through out the city, I know where they hide, I help when I can, so you can do more than I"

"Fine, but my father won't like this" 

"Doing a good deed in his name won't harm his reputation trust me"

"I suppose your right"

I followed him cautiously at a distance not wanting to engage in conversation with him, I needed to see he was genuine first, and he was true to his word, I had not seen such an amount of food, I salivated looking at it, but I stated my hand knowing others needed it more than I.

As we walked the city streets, he listened to my directions, and with each starving man, woman and child he gave aid to, I drew a bit closer until I walked beside him, the gratitude he received began to get to him, he became misty eyed "so the rich do have a conscience, it's hard to see when your in the gutter"

"I wondered how long you would remain silent, and distant, have I not kept my word?" He pressed.

I nodded "you have"

"So let me help you now please"

"I am happy to see you help others, I have need of nothing else"

"Do not be foolish, and besides you must keep your word, lest the rich man be the more moral man in this case, and I know you wouldn't like that"

"Know me already do you"

"No, but I see the resistance, and defiance in you, I understand why you recoil but I am not trying to trick you"

"That remains to be seen" I added wanting to back away but holding my place at his side, it was all I could do to follow him, I held my breath thinking that around each corner waited some thug wanting to force me into a brothel to earn him coin, or slave labour, I was on edge the entire walk that I had not heard a word he had said.

"Wait here, I have to make sure my father is not home"

Waiting for him to return was torture, my heart jumped at each sound, I wanted to run and hide, as the door reopened, I jumped "yikes, calm down its only me"

He guided me into his parents home, luxury I was used to, rooms 100 times bigger than me, I marvelled at the beauty of the place, he hid me in his room. "By all means clean yourself up"

I took him up on the that, enjoying the clean water running through my hair, and feeling clean was an unusual sensation, my teeth I had taken care of myself as I knew the danger and diseases that had taken others I had known. I had a blade to keep my legs smooth, it made me stand out less, if I had not done so I would have caught, and thrown in jail years ago, my seem like unimportant details, but it was these that blended me in with the normal everyday people.

I opened the door praying he was not standing there, there were clothes upon the bed but they were rich women's clothes, I couldn't wear these upon the street, I would be robbed, I guess he didn't understand, so I just put it on to humour him, I would change later, hiding to my rags.

He waltzed back in and declared "now you look amazing, I would hire you, but the corset is wrong, have you not worn one before?"

"No I have not" I grumbled, not seeing the need for it"

He turned me away from him, and pulled the lace tight, pulling the dress back up "now I have something for you" he sounded excited.

He placed shoes upon my feet, and proceeded to guide me toward a dressmakers shop "they need help, my mother knows the owner, I spoke highly of you, and now you have a job"

"But what will happen when she sees my clothes in tatters, and I smell like the streets"

"I have asked her if she has room for you above her shop, and she does, it's a small room, but it's something, and my mother will help you with clothes, she has too many she was going to throw away but I thought you could use them"

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because your right, and I don't like the idea of you starving to death on the streets"

"What is your name?, or should I just shout aye at you" I tried to be humorous.

"Ezio, and you?"

"Alessandra"

"Nice to meet you, I will tear myself away from my responsibilities and come and see you when I can"

And with that he was gone, and o was introduced to the working world, heavy lifting, sewing was the hardest task, may hands were not steady at the best of times, so I ended the day with cuts all over my fingers, like a pin cushion.

But I worked tirelessly for her, and cleaned up while she got ready to leave, she told me close up, and she left me there, I had half a mind to rob the money, and bolt, but I felt a strange obligation to not let down Ezio, why o cared was beyond me, I was about to go up and see my room, when I heard a knock, I crept over to the door "who is it?" I whispered.

"Who do you think it is?" Ezio teased.

"I had to be sure"

"Who else would I be?, ah yes a robber to take away the dresses" he joked.

"You may joke but these things happen"

"I do not envy the world you have lived in" he said sadly. "But I brought you dinner, a strange soup my mother made, would this not be proper upstairs or we may spill upon the fabrics"

He was right of course, I led him up not knowing what to expect, there was a tiny kitchen, and small room with a bed.

"I guess we won't be dining together, if we try you may as well be in my lap" he laughed.

I blushed, ate what he had brought, I almost felt full, I forgotten what that was like "so there is not much room but it's a roof over you head, I would rather you stay with me but my father will say your unwed, you can't stay together in a room, some lecture or another about impropriety"

"No it's ok I am okay here"

"I don't know how to thank you, I really don't"

"Well I can think of a way, that kiss was something, I would rather try it again when it's not a distraction tactic" he teased, pulling closer, pressing me to the wall, his breathing became heavy, he licked his lips, leaning so close our lips were almost touching, his warm breath played about my lips, making me nervous with the anticipation, when he finally stole a kiss, his lips traced mine softly, before he added more passion, pressing me harder against the wall, he broke away, his eyes dark with lust, he began kissing my neck, I was not ready to do more, despite wanting to "Ezio I am not ready"

He stopped cold "I am sorry, I didn't mean to be so forward, I got lost in the moment forgive me"

"There is nothing to forgive, I want more, but I can't, not yet, I barely know you"

"No need to explain Alessandra, I understand, we can go as slow as you need, I am patient I can wait"

I smiled widely, he was too kind, as he left I felt sad, and frustrated, as I wanted him but I was not sure if I was able after such bad experiences in the past, could I trust a man, or enjoy his touch again, I hoped it would be possible, who would have guessed that would be my concern, rather than food, or a place to sleep.


	2. Getting to know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra is getting to know Ezio, but when he disappears she must find out and why?, and what to do with that information

I slept that night in a bed, after relishing the comfort, and being able to bathe the next day, I felt the dull ache of guilt, I remembered how many friends upon the streets were injured, so they relied upon my aid, I felt torn, I did not wish to let Ezio down, he had done me a favor, but I did not wish to let my friends down, I could not bear the thought of them starving upon the streets.

I took down to the shop to a new day of work, aiding madam Colonna with the intricate detailing upon her dresses, surprisingly exhausting, and in-depth, by my first break, I felt a headache threatening to take its toll upon me, the weariness soon lifted when I was visited by Ezio. He made a dramatic entrance, before taking my hand “Alessandra allow me to take you for some nourishment” his winning smile was wide, his eye brows arched, how could I refuse such a face, I nodded, but feeling the guilt grow with each laugh, and bite of real food, I had almost forgotten what it tasted like.  
As we sat back allowing our meal to settle, he intertwined his fingers with mine, smiling sweetly, leaning forward, he kissed me softly upon the lips, lingering long enough for my body to tremble with his gentle passion. He sat back slowly looking pleased with himself witnessing my wistful sigh, having the desired effect, I could have been annoyed by his hubris, but I found it endearing. I was certainly lost in a haze of admiration for him, so much so we had to run back to the shop, we had taken too long staring at each other.

When we returned madam Colonna was outside her arms crossed, and her foot tapping impatiently, upon seeing her sour expression, Ezio turned on his charm “You must forgive Alessandra, I kept her distracted for too long”

She huffed haughtily, before giving in to his sweet apologetic smile, I wondered how much trouble he had manged to escape because of that smile, before he left, he tilted me back, kissing me with a greater passion, he whispered “You always leave me wanting more” and with that he was gone, I was left standing there watching after him, my cheeks flushed, and my lips recalling his tender touch, I sighed as I returned to work.

Madam Colonna was shaking her head tutting “What is it?” I inquired.

“You are love sick” she raised her eyes smiling “I recall those days” she sighed with the joy of the memory, and the sadness of its passing. I began to wonder about my kindly employer, as that sadness spoke of love lost, I wanted to ask her all about it, to understand what lay instore for me should I continue upon this primrose path, but out of respect I held my tongue. Instead I would quietly observe her throughout the day. She returned after her final delivery “Another satisfied customer” she beamed, her work was flawless, any woman able to afford such finery, should know how lucky they were, she worked so hard to create such mastery.  
Leaving me to lock the store, she bid me farewell, I locked up, and took to the streets, after which I found my friends, some of them were only young, and often just company made them feel less alone, but as for what they fled from, I understood their need to run, some ran for safety, others ran for their lives, I had sadly seen many found, and in the cold dark streets beaten to death, and who would miss a street urchin if not the family that cast them out, then ended them, then no one would. I remembered them with a heavy sadness. I heard someone creeping behind me, I turned swiftly “Ah so much for surprising you “Ezio?”  
“Yes of course, who were you expecting?, do I have completion?”

“No you do not, I was just visiting friends”

“I thought you may wish to do, and because I so enjoyed our last good deed, I thought I would bring food, and sheets, I know it is not much, but..”

Before he finished that thought I embraced him, and kissed his cheek “It’s everything Ezio”

His cheeks were red, his embarrassment was adorable, I couldn’t hide my smile “Aww Ezio you are so sweet, all bashful, another side to you” I teased.

He narrowed his eyes, shaking off the embarrassment, and returning to his bravado “I think I deserve more of a kiss for such genuine kindness”

I raised my eyebrow in response to his instance, I stepped closer to him, he swept me into his arms, his kiss much more urgent, his lips crashing against mine, sealing each kiss with a soft moan, his fingers free hand tickling the skin upon my shoulder, brushing my hair aside, peppering my neck with soft kisses, I moaned his name, his grip tightening around me as his desire grew, his breath heavy, he took my lips in a more hungry manner, he pushed my lips apart with his tongue tracing over mine. He broke the kiss, breathing heavily “We must stop Alessandra, or I will not be able to contain my desire”

I was glad he had stopped himself, as much as I enjoyed his passion, the pleasure of his touch, and lips were exquisite, I was terrified of going further. He gathered up the supplies he had so kindly brought, sighing heavily, before offering me his hand, I took it, and we spent the night doing good for all of those I knew struggled the most, I was grateful for his support, as I always felt what I did was never enough, with Ezio’s help we were able to do so much more. 

Soon it was getting late, and Ezio had to get home to his family, I had already seen mine, so I was content, he escorted me back to the shop “I would kiss you goodbye, but I feared my ardor has not dulled for you, so I must leave before my thoughts become ungentlemanly”

He smiled, watching me go inside, and lock the door, then he walked away, he had a skip in his step, this made me smile, knowing I had made him happy, made this night a wonderful success. 

We spent many weeks getting to know all we could of one another, and as the weeks passed, my dresses where no longer hanging off me, they fitted me well, I was starting to look more voluptuous, I had never had curves before, it felt strange, my face was no long drawn but fresh, I looked healthy, Ezio kept telling me he found me more and more beautiful, and you couldn’t help but believe him, and just as I was growing accustomed to his face, he vanished. Days passed without word, I began to worry, I recalled where his home was situated, I made my way to it, but no one was home, no sign of him anywhere.  
My heart began to sink, I sat upon the step outside his home, lost in my worry, finally something broke through “What is the matter child?”

A kindly man was looking down upon me with concern “Do you know where Ezio is?”

“Oh I am afraid he left after that awful spectacle in the town square, such a terrible thing” his broken expression, told me it was serious, but he had still told me nothing. 

“Where has he gone?”

“To be with his uncle in Monteriggioni, in Tuscany he has a villa there, but I believe he needs time to recover”

“Time to recover from what?”

“Oh, you don’t know, did you not hear?” I shook my head. “His fathers, and brothers were hung, they had committed no crime”

My eyes widened upon hearing the devastating news, no wonder I had not seen him, but something told me I should follow on despite the kind advice of this man, I thanked him amid empathetic tears for Ezio’s loss, I had to go to his side, I knew it would not be easy to follow on given I could not ride a horse, nor did I have much money, but I had survived, and gotten further upon less, so as I walked to the gates of Florence, I knew I had a long journey ahead of me. I felt guilty abandoning my job, but the first person to show me kindness in many years, was now in need and I would not let him suffer, I would be one of those who would be at his side.


	3. helping Ezio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds her way to the villa, to discover it is not only Ezio that needs her help, and to aid him will not be as simple as she imagined

Following after Ezio was no easy task, sneaking aboard carriages, remaining hidden in agonising positions for hours just to get that bit closer, I began to forget about eating and it was no longer my priority, I had tunnel vision, I was solely focused on being his aid. I was drawing closer, his uncles villa was coming into view, and I found that for the last of my journey I was running at such speed that when I finally stopped my muscles cried out, and heart lurched from the strained I had forced upon it, I looked up and the grand villa, fallen into disrepair, but nothing took away from its beauty. 

I ran up to the door, finding it open, I did not think I just ran in, and up the stairs searching for Ezio, I did not find him but I found his sister, who was shocked by the suddenness of my entrance to the room, but otherwise happy to see me, she embraced me “Oh Alessandra how nice it is to see a friendly face”

I smiled weakly, dizziness getting the better of me, forcing me to sit down, Claudia returned with water, and food “I thought you could use it, you look as pale as a ghost, and your clothes so worn, and not to o cause offence but you should take a bath before speaking to anyone else” she coughed.

I knew she was right, I didn’t want to bother with any of these things but I forced myself to eat and drink, not tasting any of it, just doing so my body would keep functioning, the bath was for Claudia’s sake so I didn’t continue to bring tears to her eyes, I felt it was likely she had cried enough already, I bathed quickly, but ignored the dress she set out for me, instead I found clothes that must have been intended for Ezio, with no sign of him, I pulled the trousers up, tying them in place, tucking the shirt in so it wasn’t terribly baggy, I returned to Claudia, she regarded me with an amused grin “Why are you wearing my brothers clothes Alessandra?”

“I will have to possibly have to run, or climb, and dresses limit motion”

See looked entirely confused by the concept, but I looked around, then back to her “How are you coping Claudia?”

“I am keeping busy with the books for the estate, boring but much more appealing than my thoughts of late, being torn from my home, family, and friends has been painful, and everyone is fracturing off, we do not talk, we just exist, my mother’s silent, and that frightens me, my uncle and Ezio disappeared days ago, and have yet to return, I have no idea what is going on, you’re the first person to ask of my welfare in weeks” she had spoken so fast, as if she feared she wouldn’t get another chance to speak her mind.

I pulled her into an embrace “I am so sorry for your loss, and it sounds as though it has been isolating for you”

As I let her go, she looked up at me, and in a panicked tone rambled “you’re going to aren’t you?”

“I will be soon yes, but I see no harm in keeping you company until your uncle returns”

“Thank you, oh my god to actually have a conversation with another person is sadly a luxury around here, I would venture out but I do not know anyone, and I am afraid to get lost in that sea of faces”

“Claudia we shall go out together, then you needed fear getting lost, I will be with you”

She smiled, so enthusiastic, I couldn’t leave the poor girl cooped up here, she look like she was going to crack at any moment, so got ready, and we walked around the town, she was telling all about the book keeping of the estate, and how it was a chore at first but she was taking to it, I was happy that she was doing something beyond the assigned roles I had known for women, I was glad she had never had to be part of that world.

But there was a lingering sadness in her voice that she thought she hid well, but she sis not, I could hear it, and see the pain in her eyes, she was grieving, but she had to outlet for her grief, so I stopped dead at the edge of the town, and I turned to her “Claudia do you need to talk about your father, and brothers?” I stated bluntly.  
Her eyes grew more sorrowful “I don’t know what to do with this pain” she cried.

And there she wept, I stood at her side, my hand upon her shoulder so she knew I was there, she spoke of the cruelty, how unfair it all was, the fact that she had been torn out of her life, and forced into a new one. I did not know if I had done the right thing but I hoped being able to voice her pain helped her even just a little bit. We walked in silence back to the villa, she said nothing until we reached the door, she spun round upon her heel and declared “Thank you Alessandra, it was nice to have someone truly hear me”

And I was glad to that for her, she disappeared up the stairs, my eyes glassy, I turned upon hearing the clanking of armour, I saw an older man, a scar carved across his face, blinding one eye, his long black hair was thin, he looked weary, and his age showed greatly because of it.  
“Who are you?” I asked, eyes narrowed.

“I should be the one asking you that question, you are in my house!”

“Apologies one can never be too careful, I am a friend of Ezio’s, I came here to find him”

“You have come a long way, and I am sorry to say he has returned to Florence on urgent business”

“I will return to Florence at once”

“Why are you in such a rush?”

“He was good to me, and I know he is now the one in need, and I wish to aid him, in any way I can”

“Hmm, I may know of a way you can aid him”

I felt more than suspicious of such a statement. “How?”

“You could join us” he said with enthusiasm.

“Join you?” I returned the question confused.

“Yes we are from a long line of assassins, any all who wish to join our cause would be helpful, and you look very determined”

“I am” 

“Well then, I will begin your training tomorrow, some basic swordsman ship as you seem more than able, so I can’t imagine it will take long for you to pick up such a skill”

I was flattered by his faith, but unsure of what I was getting myself into, all I knew is that I wanted to help Ezio, and if this was the only way, I would gladly take it.


	4. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra begins her training, a surprise visit leads to trouble?

Ezio's uncle took me through a rigorous training routine, my time on the streets had given me speed, agility, and fighting skills, as all had been necessary. So there wasn't much he could teach me, but sword fighting was new to me, the blade so heavy in my hand. Swinging the blade was difficult, as its weight caused my arm to drop, so my guard was a effort to hold. When my forearm burned from the effort he wouldn't let me rest, he pushed me until I dropped the blade from exhaustion.

"We shall continue tomorrow" he sounded so enthusiastic.

I didn't share his enthusiasm, but I wanted to help Ezio as he had helped me, so I would push forward, the pain was of no consequence.

"Ok" I gasped.

I held to my arm as we walked up to the villa.

I barely had time to recover before they started dinner, sitting down to eat was strange enough, but with someone else's family, it was awkward. The silence from Ezio's mother was worrying, his uncle didn't say much. Claudia was the only one who said much, and I was the only one willing to converse with her. This made me feel even more for her, as the isolation seemed more prominent. She always thanked me, as if listening to her was a chore.

"Claudia why are you thanking me?"

"For making this painful transition a little easier, Ezio is off doing god knows what, and mama won't utter more than two words, I felt alone out here"

"You know I will joining your brother soon" I cautioned.

I didn't want to let her down, but it was her brother that I was indebted to, she nodded sorrowfully.

"Claudia I would stay, but he needs help to"

"I know, but it's a few more days at least, right?"

"Yes it is"

She looked relieved, it was both heartwarming, and sad as I was the only one connecting her to the world, the only one hearing her out. I would do all I could do to make sure my leaving wouldn't be to hard on her, maybe we could find her a friend I hoped.

After speaking with Claudia, I retired to what was Ezio's room. Dropping down upon the bed, I had found sleeping was difficult, if I wasn't worrying about Ezio or Claudia, I wondering how my friends on the streets were doing. My mind a wash with a heavy sense of responsibility. I tossed and turned, as a new fear haunted me, holding me from rest just that moment longer. When I found I was too exhausted, it was light, as was the only sleep I could manage.

I woke exhausted, but I pulled up, shaking out the pain shooting through my arms. Another long day of training awaited me, I changed swiftly, and cleaned up. As I descended the stairs Ezio's uncle awaited me.

"Ah Alessandra, are you ready for another day or training?" He remarked his enthusiasm evident.

I couldn't give him my true answer, so I half smiled, and nodded.

We walked out to that training ring, this was beginning to feel much alike to torture. Tested to the limit, I took a defensive stance, following his instructions, the blade difficult to hold due to my muscles still straining from yesterday. I don't know how I kept going, or how I stayed so focused, I guess I knew I had to, should I have any hope of aiding Ezio. Learning to sword fight with real skill would take years, I didn't have years, so I only had to be good enough to defend myself. Blocking another incoming swing of the blade, I gritted my teeth, as the burn set in earlier this time, I powered through it. We only stopped again when the blade could no longer stay in my hand. Accepting defeat once again he conceded, allowing me to do what I wanted for the rest of the day.

The aches running through my arms stayed with me all day, when I returned, Claudia was waiting patiently. Her smile wide when she saw me dragging my feet up the steps.

"Alessandra, you will need to change, and bathe, be swift"

She was eager to find something to love about this town, I felt for I truly did, but my exhaustion made me resistant. As I stepped into Ezio's room I dropped on to the bed, sleep called to me, but I held back the wave of exhaustion as Claudia didn't deserve to be forgotten. I readied as swiftly as I could considering lifting my arms was agonising. I walked down to her, she was still enthusiastic, I smiled sleepily.

"I promise it will be more fun than training" she quipped.

She bounded around town with me in tow, she took me to shop for what she called more suiting attire, I hated dresses. But I was happy to aid her in her search for the perfect dress. Me I wasn't interested in trying anything on. But Claudia insisted, it was lovely but limited my movement, why women were forced to wear these contraptions was beyond me. I stepped out nervously, then I heard a voice remark "beautiful"

I looked over to see Ezio, I was shocked, and happy to see him.

"Glad someone is helping you with your clothing choices, and keeping my baby sister entertained"

She was happy to see him, they embraced. As we all spoke, her enthusiasm faded with each glance Ezio gave to me, as she knew I was leaving, but not yet. She tried to hide her disappointment when Ezio ask for a moment alone with me.

We would have stepped outside but I was still in the shops dress. So Ezio snuck me out of sight of his sister, and the shop owner. He wasted no time, pulling me to him, kissing me with passion, I stifled the moans trying to escape, he pressed me to the wall, deepening the kiss, trailing his tongue over mine. I trembled, as the pleasure rushed through my body. He broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine, stating amidst heavy breathes "What do I owe this pleasure?"

"I heard of the tragedy, I wanted to help if I can"

"Alessandra you didn't have to come all this way for me, I will be fine, although I am very pleased to see you" his charm couldn't mask the strain and exhaustion clear upon his face.

The spots of blood he had upon his clothes would have startled me, but his uncle had told me what he wad doing, so I let it go, but I would question him later, as I was still concerned.

I just smiled. "Maybe we should return"

"Must we, this is the most enjoyable moment I have had in days" his wry grin made it tempting but I couldn't dump his sister, so I dragged him round the corner back to the shop after whispering "if you stay a little longer, I promise we can continue this later"

His wide smile told me I had won him over. Claudia was milling outside, she half smiled upon seeing us. "Ezio is off to see his uncle aren't you?" I pressed turning to him.

His sour expression upon being dismissed was a sight. I felt some guilt, I wanted to walk away with him, but I couldn't do it to Claudia.

She smiled sadly "so you will be leaving sooner?"

"Maybe but we can have our day back, you promised me a fun day" I smiled.

Her enthusiasm returned, forcing the dress upon me. We found a group of girls and boys near her age, and I found a way to start a conversation, even though I didn't say much after that, I remained to keep an eye on Claudia.

"Who is your bodyguard ?" I overheard.

"My friend Alessandra"

She pulled upon my arm, I had hoped to avoid talking to them, but I was forced into an introduction, they seemed nice enough but one or two of them seemed like they were up to something, I didn't want them dragging Claudia into their troubles.

So I remained watchful, when she finally left, she looked happier than I can recall seeing her of late.

Before we returned to the villa I couldn't hold it back "please be careful of them, as they seemed to be up to no good"

"They seemed nice enough to me"

"They are, but the boys, seemed shifty"

"You would think you were my older sister" she pulled a tongue.

I smiled "I want you to find new friends but be weary, I don't want them dragging you into anything, promise me" I ordered.

"I promise" Claudia said finally.

Not fully assure, I stared until she repeated the promise. We walked back to the villa, discussing all she had been doing, I kept the conversation about her. I couldn't tell her what I would be doing, it was safer she remain in the dark. Ezio was waiting in the door way, perking up when he saw me. Claudia excused herself.

"So you have been staying in my room?" Ezio stated suggestively.

I smiled wickedly "yes I have often thought of you"

"Mmm" he growled. "I hope I wasn't well behaved"

"Not at all" I teased.

He rushed me upstairs. Before he got close I had to ask about the blood on his clothes "Ezio why is there blood on your clothes?"

"Hmm" he responded absentmindedly, not stopping his advance.

He casually looked down, seeing the spatter clear against the white of his coat. "Ah that it is nothing" he dismissed my comment of hand. and continued drawing closer.

"I know what your doing, and it's dangerous Ezio, I don't want you to get hurt"

"What are you talking about?" He feigned confusion. But he had stopped cold, rooted in place, staring at me.

"Your uncle told me"

"Why in gods name would he be so stupid?" He hissed in frustration.

"I offered to aid your cause"

"And he accepted?"

"Yes, why wouldn't he" I asked bemused.

"I am going to kill him" he declared furiously tearing out of the room. He charged down the stairs toward his uncles office, I followed trying to calm him down.

He charged in like bull "uncle is this true, you recruited Alessandra?" He seethed.

"Yes, she is a very capable woman, she is doing well, she will make a wonderful assassin"

"No I forbid it, she is no assassin"

"It's not your choice Ezio"

"Yes it is, you will not putting a woman I falling for in to harms way, I won't have it, you hear me!" he snapped.

Storming out, leaving both me and his uncle taken back by his words, and ferocity. I still couldn't believe he had the nerve to think it was up to him, but I was flattered that he confessed his feelings without intention.


	5. Rage and passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra and Ezio are furious with one another, will they resolve their differences?

Despite being thrilled by his declaration, I was furious with Ezio, I knew he meant well, but this was my life, and my choice. How dare he assume he had the right to order me, I followed after him in his outraged, as he stormed to his room, he went to slam the door but I caught it, and pushed my way in. He spun round to glare at me, I returned his intensity, he paced back and forth muttering before he turned to me once more. He still couldn't find the words so I started "Ezio, I know you mean well, but you have no right to dictate what I do with my life"

 

I had somehow enraged him further, and he erupted "I doing no such a thing, I want you to live, this is a very dangerous life"

 

"why is it ok for you to take it on?" I reasoned.

 

"Because I have no choice, this is for my family, you have a choice, and your choosing to be a fool"

 

That last word seemed to buzz in my ears, I gritted my teeth, seething "No I am choosing to aid someone who has helped me, and now needs help, if you refuse to see that, then I have nothing more to say"

 

As I finished my sentence I stormed off, slamming the door behind me, by heart was racing, my blood boiling. I felt the rush of emotion forcing tears from my eyes, so I ran outside, I didn't want him to see me cry. I was so angry, and hurt by his words that his love for me wasn't enough to soothe the pain. I looked up at the villa, and decided to scale it, so I pulled up over the windows, gripping the wall surrounding the rooftop, I dragged myself over. I stood atop the roof, looking around at the small town, it was dark, and all was peaceful, the stars shone brightly. This beautiful scene did not affect my mood as I had hoped it would, I knew it was breath taking to see the hills bathed in moonlight, and yet I still stood rigid, my anger still burning within me. I sat down, hoping my rage would soon pass, but as the cold began to bite at my skin, my anger had not relented, in fact in had cemented its self. I wondered over to the edge, looking down I saw Ezio wondering, I was tempted to throw a rock at him, but I thought better of it. He must of felt my eyes burning in to the back of his head, as he turned and looked up. He locked eyes with me, and didn't move at first, but he disappeared from view, and I continued to hope my rage would dull.

 

I heard him grunt as he pulled up to the roof, that was the last thing I wanted, I was so angry that I wouldn't be able to filter my words, god knows what I would say in this state. He stormed over to me, he didn't say a word, gripping my waist, he pulled me to him so quickly that I had no time to react, his lips pressed to mine took me by surprise. I pushed him away, and went to rage against him, but repeated the action, until I was cornered, he kissed me again, I bit his bottom lip, he growled. Ramming me against the wall, his face still serious and concentrated, he leant in to kiss me, I turned away, but he released a wrist to grab my chin roughly, forcing his lips against mine. I struggled against him, he used his weight to hold me in place, my rage did not dissipate but it seemed to be taken over by the urge rising within me, a need for a release, no matter what is was. I took my fingers to his hair, pushing myself to him, taking his lips with an animalistic urgency, the passion was running so high, that all of my fears and reservations didn't get a chance to surface. The kiss was long and lingering, lasting so long we were forced to break it to breathe, he pressed his forehead to mine. His breath was heavy, he was shaking with the adrenaline coursing through his body. We were both lost to the moment, we both needed and desired a release. He tore my clothes from my body, while he disrobed quickly, he pulled back for a moment, his eyes darkened as he surveyed my body, he licked his lips. I looked upon his form, he was pleasing to the eye indeed, not only was his face handsome, his body was lithe, and toned. His cock was bigger than I had expected, not sure why that thought crossed my mind, and he wasn't even hard yet, I bit my lip at the thought. The idea of sex for the first time thrilling me, rather than frightening me.

He pulled me to him, the forceful nature of his passion have way to a gentle touch, his fingers tracing my body, he stopped temporarily at my breasts, groping them as he growled low, and deep. Then his fingers traced on my ass, he squeezed lightly, smiling widely. Before he took me into a passionate kiss, I took my hands over his shoulders, enjoying his form in my hands, as I took his twitching cock in hand he gasped. 

As I pumped his cock gently, he closed his eyes, enjoying each new sensation, moaning softly when I teased the head of his stiffening cock. I felt him become more erect with each touch "stop Alessandra" he begged.

I was tempted to ignore his plea, but I released him, he took his hand down over my stomach, snaking his fingers between my legs, teasing my clit with long and nimble fingers, he thrilled me until my arousal coated his finger tips.

Stopping suddenly, he edged me up, pressing his cock to my slick folds, he looked into my eyes as he pushed in slowly, allowing me to accomdate his size and girth, both made the friction greater, thrilling me as he filled to the hilt. He took his free hand to the side of face, tracing his fingers lovingly over my cheek. Pulling out slowly, his eyes locked upon mine, he pushed back in, closing his eyes as he entered me again, he trembled. Taking his hands to my hips, pressing his fingers in, his slow and controlled rhythm, built a slow and delicious climax. I cried out, pulling him to me, as the waves of pleasure ran through my body. He kissed my lips softly, his wry smile became wicked as he rammed into me, his forceful thrusts, made me tremble, as the friction brought me to a second enjoyable orgasm. I had forgotten that sex could be so enjoyable. He growled as he came hard, enjoying his long and pleasured release, his warm filled me, he took me in a hungry kiss as his tremors subsided.

The anger wasn't forgotten, but it didn't seem to matter in that moment, I was taken back by the pleasure of sex, I had feared it for so long, I was relieved and satisfied.

We stayed the night upon the roof, he held me close to keep me warm, it was strange to feel so angry and yet so close to him.


	6. More than capable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra is intent upon showing Ezio she is more than capable to aid him

I woke just as the light was hinting at the sky, the warmth of him close, I looked up to see him wide awake, his eyes staring into the distance, his expression stern. He looked lost in thought, and they did not look to be good thoughts, I could see how much he needed this just to hold on to his sanity, after such a tragic loss. His arm around my shoulders tightened squeezing me lightly "Your awake, we need to talk"

"Not exactly the words one wishes to wake up to hear, but I understand your need to avenge your family, why can you not expect that you are not alone in this" I retorted.

"I don't want to loose anymore people in my life, it is enough, whatever small peace of mind I cling to will be lost"

"I will follow you, no matter what you say, I will watch your back, you helped me when you didn't have to do a thing, so allow me this, your uncle believes me to have a natural talent for fighting"

Both of us stubbornly standing against the other, both out of good intentions, and self protection, and both of us wanted to protect the other. He sighed heavily, shaking his head, he disappeared down the side of the building, I followed after him, swiftly catching him as he tried to close the door to his room. I looked to my clothes torn, and barely covering my modesty, I had to change. "Ah yes, I did get a little carried away" he grinned looking at what remained of my clothes. "But that was amazing" he purred.  
I quickly swapped into new clothes, he didn't seem to protest to me borrowing his. He just frowned "not as nice to watch the clothes go on" he teased.

"I coming with you" I stated determined to show he wouldn't shake me so easily, nor change the subject.

"I will kill my uncle for inspiring this madness in you, you will only be my eyes, fight only if you must" he stressed.

He begrudged me going with him, but he saw he wasn't going to shake me. So when his uncle spoke of a mission to push back the Templar influence, he spoke of a fortress that need to be relinquished from their grip, that we had to take back, this would lead Ezio to his target, as he would be among them. I followed and waited with soldiers at the gates while Ezio took out the archers, I felt like the odd one out, no real armor to speak of, and my sword not alike what the militarily ones they carried, the craftsmanship not as elegant, or its quality equal, but it would do the job for which it was made.

The loud crash of the gates opening took away any hope of the element of surprise, we rushed in fighting back the guards who had rushed toward the crash. One guard spotted me, thinking I would be the easy target, he rushed at me, I stepped aside, his heavy armor tipping him over, but I did not run him through, I would not stab anyone in the back. There was no room to fight fair, but should I wish to live with myself after this, I needed to know that the fight was fair enough. He dragged himself up, swinging his sword, I blocked it feeling the force make my arm muscles strain to halt the progress of the blood stained blade. I stepped back, awaiting his next move, his blade missed its mark, but mine did not, force to stab him through the throat, as the rest was blocked back armor. He chocked, as the blade pushed through, dropping his blade to ground. I pulled the blade free, checking my surroundings quickly to assure myself there was no other guard advancing. He was clearly in agony, as i had done significant damage, but the angle of the wound left him to die slowly. So as an act of mercy, I dropped my blade, taking his, pulling him up was a struggle due the heavy armor, but upon his knees, I pushed his head forward,pulling the blade deeply across his throat, his pain was horrific to witness, but it was swift, as he died within minutes, instead of the hours which would have forced him to linger in agony, it was the only mercy I could give.

I followed Ezio, I think he was so focused on getting to his target he had forgotten I was present. Which allowed to remain in the thick of the fray, watching his back, as I had hoped. The streets running with the blood of our enemy, it felt strnage to been on a side, I had always been on the sidelines, no cause but my own survival, and those around me. It was exhausting, but I steeled myself for the next battle, pushing through the pain, bruised, and battered from knocks, and charges that came, the guards fought hard, I lost sight of Ezio, for a moment, I followed him up the steps, to hear a cry of victory, if that is what you would call it. I found Ezio leaning over his target, he allowed them their last words whether they be of any use to him, or peace to them was anyone's guess, I was too far away to hear them clearly. He muttered something before pulling up. 

His eyes filled with rage when he laid his eyes upon me, blood covered, and breathing heavily. "You ran in to the middle of the fight, I knew you wouldn't listen" he snapped.

"I am alive am I not, is that not proof I can handle myself" I cried, not wanting him to be angry with me anymore.

"Yes, but you did not follow the plan, recklessness like that could get us both killed" he cried, his eyes pained.

"I am sorry, but do not make me wait at the sidelines, I am capable, you needed to learn that" I stated defensively.

"If you ever do that to me again, I will kill you myself" he growled in frustration. 

"Defeats the object does it not" I smiled.

His scowl softened. He stressed "I am only saying this because I care for your safety"

"And I care for yours, so can we just accept that we will watch out for each other" I countered. 

"I do not like this" he stressed after a long painful silence.

"Neither do I, but if this is how it must be, do not face it alone"

He smiled, embracing me "You are infuriating" he groaned.

Together, we would now take the path to not letting his families death be in vain, and he could no longer deny after a altercation upon the road, that I was an asset, and that I indeed had his back.


	7. Becoming a true assassin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra watches Ezio become a skilled assassin but the life they lead makes it difficult to be sure of anything, so they find moments when they can

I watched Ezio become a skilled assassin, but it often worried me that his vengeance brought him no peace. He seemed more on edge, and confused now than when he had started, he would not say this of course, but I could see it in his eyes.

We had just taken a cruel and twisted man from this earth, one of his guards managed to grab hold of me as we made our escaped. Choking me from behind, I stomped my armoured foot upon his, he loosened his grip, I took my elbow to gut, taking my blade quickly to his throat before he recovered. He dropped to the ground, gasping for air, gargling through the blood filling his mouth. I always tried to avoid bloodshed were possible, but he had forced my hand.

I followed after Ezio, who was sporting a feigned smile for my benefit "I thought you were faster" he quipped.

"I am, I just ran into a problem that is all" I added defensive of my hard earned title.

"Trouble? Why didn't you call for me?" He stated with a mild flash of anger "you do this all the time, you take foolish risks, and you are so stubborn you never ask for my help" 

This lecture had been growing in vehemence and length for these past few years, there was an element of truth to it. He was starting to become overly protective of late, and annoyingly so, often trying to sneak off without me. I had saved him several times that he was unaware of, he was giving me so little credit.

"Ezio, I know your trying to protect me, but I can protect myself" I stressed, trying not to let my anger get the better of me.

"Are those marks around your throat?" He exclaimed, in anger and mild panic.

"Yes one of his guards caught me, but I dealt with him" 

"No this life was never meant for you, never" he cried.

"Ezio stop this now, I know you have lost so much already, but I am not going anywhere.

"I would never forgive myself if I lost you, things are getting more and more dangerous. The apple in the hands of a mad man, we are to kill his lieutenants destabilise his grip on the city"

"When do we start?" I pressed.

"Tomorrow, I think we need to do something less dangerous, and more fun don't you" he purred.

"Oh yes, I would love that" I smiled.

We both looked down to our blood stained clothing, realising we had to return to our current lodgings and change, and then maybe we would go out or maybe we wouldn't leave the bedroom. More often it was the later, his passion was insatiable, but now there was more love than lust in his eyes.

He took my hand as we walked back, it was strange how right this felt, I should have craved the simple life, but I guess I couldn't crave what I had never had.

Peeling the the bloodied shirt from my skin was never enjoyable, the blood staining my skin would often disgust me, I needed to be clean again. I made a bath, I was quick but it felt better to not be able see the end result of my work upon me, like stains upon my soul. I rarely dwelled upon it as if I did doubt my mind or humanity would survive the process. I wondered out, to find Ezio half asleep upon the bed, I pulled in next to him, we both deserved a well earned rest, so I did not wake him.

I rested my head upon his chest, enjoying the warmth, and closeness of him against me. 

He groaned sleepily, squinting his eyes looking to me "resting my eyes I assure you" he exclaimed amid a yawn.

"Rest Ezio, you deserve some peace"

"I have it with you, you don't quite know how much you mean to me"

"Ezio, don't be going all soft upon me" I declared uncomfortable with the sentiment.

"Oh no always hard for you my love" he smiled wickedly.

We had danced around declaring our feelings, there was never time, but he showed his love in how he changed. He was rarely flirtatious with other women, and if he was it was never more than friendly banter. I felt it odd to see him so sweet and loving toward me, but I cherished those looks.

The way he was looking at me now, those sweet loving eyes set upon mine, his fingers tracing my features as if he never wanted to forget them. His fingers slid into my hair, leaning closer, he playfully nibbled my earlobe. Forcing a delighted giggle from my lips, the laughter faded into groans for more as his lips took to the nape of my neck trailing down.

"I never thought I could desire one woman this much, but you I have never desired more than I do now" his voice grew breathy as my hands ran over his broad shoulders.

I enjoyed the feel of his muscles, and his soft skin. Marred by a few scars bore in combat, I traced his scars lovingly, I had a few of my own. He was about to continue his decent, I wanted him to but I needed to kiss him, I pulled him to me, and kissed him with fervour. I enjoyed the feel of his lips to mine, the soft tickle of his stubble against my skin. I gripped the back of his neck deepening the kiss, I could hear him groaning softly as the kiss grew in passion, both of us holding so tightly to each other, leaving no sliver of light between us.

The twitch of his cock against my leg thrilled me, I rocked my hips pressing to his growing erection. "Alessandra" he he groaned as he broke the kiss for air.

He took in deep heavy breaths, I continued to rock my hips teasing him to his full length, he growled softly in my ear. Pressing his erection to my sex, leading me to whimper in anticipation. He filled me slowly, he built up a slow and controlled rhythm, kissing my lips with a tenderness that made sex seem like so much more. I couldn't have connected with a man the way I did with him, his eyes locked upon mine, both enjoying the vision of the other delighting in our own and each other's pleasure. A slow and enjoyable build brought me to a slow but intense orgasm, the pure pleasure of it took me by surprise. I cried out his name amidst groans of delight. He followed on after my body began to relax, I felt him harden inside me, his rhythm speeding up enough to give him the release his body was crying for. He groaned, his eyes meeting mine again, his fingers tracing my cheek, meshing into my hair.

He smiled as he tried to steady his breath, he dropped beside me. "I love you" he stated clearly, the silence that followed was strained. "You are supposed to say it back" he quipped masking his annoyance.

"I love you but sometimes I am not so sure, then other times I don't doubt it for a second, so I do struggle to express it at times"

"There was me hoping you would be the one who had clarity upon this" he laughed.

"Sorry to disappoint you" I kissed his cheek softly, dropping my head upon his sweat covered chest, I didn't care, it felt a comfort to be so close.

"I am glad to know it is not just me, that sometimes love confuses us all. Sometimes women sound so sure, you can be rather intimidating" he gave a breathy laugh.

"Ezio?"

"Yes my love"

"You know all those times I snuck off I went to see your sister right?" Only in that moment realising how it may have looked.

"I know, you have been a good friend to her, and like a second daughter to my mother. They both adore you, and I get to share my life, all of it with you, I am very lucky. But you know I fear for you at times, hoping you make it back alive is the worst part of my day"

"Mine too, but I see that smug smile I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you" I laughed.

"Ouch, I guess I am lucky thus far you have always chosen the later"

He pulled me closer, we were happy in moments like these, we spoke open and honestly of fears, and anything else that should cross our minds. 

"What do we do when it's over Ezio?" I mused.

"I don't think I am ready to think that far ahead, I still wonder if I will make it that far" he stressed.

"I will make sure you do, I have your back" I assured him.

"That right there is what worries me, you watch my back but what of yours?" He added his voice heavy with emotion.

"Often I am not in the thick of the fight, I am not the one who needs the back up, but I love that you care"

"Of course I care" he chided.

Both of us soon found ourselves weary, and the pull of sleep became too much, I had finally said it and it had not ruined everything, and he had not broken my heart yet, I could only hope it would continue.


	8. I must follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra follows after Ezio

Dispatching of the lieutenants was no easy task, they were well guarded. The side effects of the apple must have been a growing paranoia, as I had never seen so many guards for one man. It was almost impossible to get them, but we worked with the impossible, so we found a way. When dealing the final blow to some of these men, I discovered them to be lost to the power of the apple, and some were truly remorseful, it broke my heart to hear their final words, and final breath. I had lingered to long in the pain that followed ending these men, that the guards almost got the jump on me; luckily I had Ezio to hold them back. When I heard him calling back to me, it snapped me out of my reverie into action.

“I understand this is not easy, it never is, but we need to get to this leader before he hurts kills thousands in his grab for power” he assured me pulling me into his warm arms after the final guard was floored.

I knew he was right but it made it no easier for me. Those whose last words were a rant took the sting out of the guilt, I tried to give them as much respect as I could in their final moments, but I was not a religious woman, so it felt wrong to pray, so I did what I could to ease their passing, make it as quick and as painless as possible.

As we predicted it did lead to dragging the leader into the open, and once the people got hold of him, chaos ensued, they wanted blood, they wanted him to suffer. As must as I understood and shared in their outrage, their methods of punishment were brutal and cruel. These people some of their faces I recognised, I knew them as good people but in that moment I could see a blood lust in their eyes that made them unrecognisable to me. The dragged him to a pyre, before we could stop them, they had it a blaze. I looked to Ezio unsure of how to stop this, I watched him do the only thing he could, end his suffering with a swift and silent blade.

His words were moving, I felt a burst of pride watching him, he sounded wise, not brash like he had once been. When he stepped down, I smiled embracing him “I could not have gotten this far without you” he whispered.

As he pulled away, he took my hand turning toward the assassins who we know knew as brothers, and family, I had not had a family before, I still feared that if I closed my eyes they would all vanish.

The fear that I felt earlier gripped me when Ezio told me “I must do this last part alone, please remain here at the villa”

I felt speechless, I understood why he felt this had to be a moment he faced alone, but I couldn’t let him go alone, someone had to watch over him. So I feigned a begrudging agreement.

“No way it’s this easy, please don’t do anything stupid my love” He pleaded.

“Me why would I?” I teased.

“Uncle” he called.

“Yes Ezio?”

“Please make sure Alessandra doesn’t follow me, we are well known across the city, it is hardly safe for us to leave the villa let alone show up to the Vatican together”

I rolled my eyes, smiling at Mario. He was a great assassin, but like Ezio he was not as fast as me. I knew I had to follow; I could not wait here idle wondering if Ezio was safe, it would drive me insane.

As he left we all said our goodbyes, everyone was content to wait behind, or doing a better job of acting than I. As he disappeared into the distance, the fear became unbearable, I had been there every step of the way, to be told to stand at the side-lines now, it was not going to happen. I milled outside, Mario beckoned me to come back inside. Claudia raised her eyebrow, then narrowed her eyes upon me “You’re planning something” she whispered as I slowly followed them inside.

I said nothing, and I didn’t need to she knew me well enough. “Please if you must follow him be careful, and bring him back safe, I understand the pain of being forced to wait at the side-lines, fearing for loved ones, that this was the last time you saw them” she empathised.

I knew Claudia would understand, she aided me in distracting Mario, giving me the chance to escape. Once upon a horse, following hours behind Ezio I felt the fear ease a little bit, I felt like I was doing something.

It was a long journey; I was trying to make as few stops as possible. I was weary when I finally reached the Vatican City, I had to bathe away the smell, and aches of travel, lest I stand out too much. I donned plain black clothing alike to that of the villagers, to blend me into the crowd. I never quite understood the assassin clothing, to me it seemed like they should stand out like a sore thumb in such attire. But Ezio managed effortlessly, it inspired fear, and respect when it didn’t hide him from sight.

I preferred wearing less obvious clothing, hiding my blades under my sleeves, additional blades in my boots. I was ready to follow him anywhere, as I stepped out into the bustling city, I lost myself in the crowd. I wondered passed wanted posters, they were not even good likenesses of Ezio, and it made me wonder how aside from his clothing they identified him. My eyes widened to see a poster with my name, and an awful sketch of my face, merely referred to as an accomplice, the bounty offered for my capture was so low, I was almost offended, but at least it was unlikely people would trouble themselves with my capture. I tore it down when no one was looking, feeling a small satisfaction removing the offensive picture from the wall. I could see from the change in dress to that of religious bearing that I was drawing near to Ezio’s destination. I could see the remnants of chaos that he had left, like a trail leading me to him. The only problem I could see was they wore brighter colours, amongst them I would stand out in plain black, and there was no way given the additional guards thanks to Ezio I could steal such attire without drawing too much attention, losing the element of surprise.

When someone asked me what I was doing there it didn't register until I felt a hand press upon my shoulder, I turned to see a rather annoyed guard scowling at me.

"I am sorry, I get lost in this city sometimes" he almost bought the sweet innocent act until his fellow guard remarked "doesn't she look familiar"

Now I was surrounded, I cursed my foolishness under my breath, guns, and pike trained upon me. I feigned surrender, letting them drop their guard; an unseen glancing blow to the back of my head saw to it that I didn't escape, and drew an end to what should have been a bloody battle.

When I roused half-conscious I heard the guards muttering to a man in charge "sir we found this one wondering the city, she was well armed, what should we do with her"

I was expecting him to suggest execution, but he said nothing, he pulled up from where he was just out of my vision. He pulled my face up to scrutinize me, this forced my head to throb and swell as the jerking motion forced my head back.

"Is she the assassin’s lover?" He remarked.

"Yes, rarely they are apart" another guard added as if he had known all along who I was.

"It is lucky for me Ezio has such exquisite taste, I will take her"

His face was a blur, if only I had been able to wait patiently. If they didn't kill me Ezio surely would for being so careless.

I woke still chained, but I was not in a cell. It looked to be an overly grand room, beautiful but garish; I like simplicity, and freedom. I pulled at the chains, but this only tightened them around my wrist to the point of agony, I was forced to stop.

I tried not to move to hastily as my head still throbbed, I turned, jolting back when I saw a man staring at me, he looked mildly amused by my pathetic attempt to remove the chains. He was relaxed, sitting back, a smug expression taking across his face when our eyes met. I wondered how long he had been there. His clothing matched the décor in its unnecessary expense.

"I wondered when you would wake up. Don’t bother trying to remove those, they are made specially to draw in when tampered with" he quipped.

"Where I am I?" I strained.

"Inside the Vatican City, in my room specifically"

"Why am I not in a cell?" I ventured, a cell I could handle, I could escape easily.

"Because I asked them to bring you here, I don't entrust my guards with your care, you need a more watchful eye"

"Who are you?" I found my curiosity pressing the question forth.

"Cesare Borgia"

I recalled the name only because Ezio had had gone to kill a man with a similar name, I could now only assume to be his father.

He pulled up from his chair, and took to sitting beside me. He reached out for my face, I inched back, no energy to recoil. "No matter, you will learn to love me, as we are going to get to know each other intimately"

He seemed satisfied with the reaction his threat gained, pulling up "don't even think of running my dear, I have doubled the guard, don't force me to tie you down as well" he threatened.

I had nothing to say, I had truly fallen into a trap here, I needed to think. When he left the room, I began to look around, gingerly moving my pained head. I pulled at the chains again, the pain forced tears from my eyes. I gasped for air, realizing chained like this I was at their mercy, and I could not expect mercy especially after Ezio killed his father.


	9. At your mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds herself the object of Cesare's misguided affection, and obsession

I was about to pull up, when the door opened, a woman stormed in. Her dress was strange, pointed collar, her sour expression made me tense. I tried to lift my arms to halt her advance. I forgot the chains; they held my arms down, forcing me back as she pushed me from my unsteady feet.

I could barely focus on her accusing finger as she pushed it in my face "don't get to comfortable, you are just his new pet, you will be hanging within a week, or rotting in the cells" she hissed.

I had no idea who she was or what this rage was about, and I didn't care, I needed to escape. I ignored the rest of her rage as she seethed, pacing back and forth away from me, out of my field of vision. When she stormed out I hoped that would be the last person to storm in, I held still, finally I took a breath and pulled up slowly, the chains would make running impossible. I had to get them off, but it seemed that Cesare was not lying; these were well made, tight and painful when I pulled at them.

I wondered toward the door, two guards, turned giving me warning glances. I only backed away knowing I wouldn't get far, the satisfaction of lashing out wouldn't last if I remained stuck here. Being stuck here being helpless was disconcerting I didn't know what to do with myself, I spent the rest of time clawing at my chains. 

I barely managed to make a dent, the chains cut into my wrists, my hands were shaking from the strain. I dropped my head into my hands, and cried tears of frustration. I wondered if Ezio was alright, and now I would never know.

I jolted my head up when the door burst open, it was Cesare. I quickly wiped my tears, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me like this.

"So what have you been doing in my absence hmm, trying to break my chains I see?" He dropped to his hunches to look me in the eyes. "It is futile, accepting that you are now property of the Borgia family will save you this turmoil" his smile was dark; I met his gaze with defiance. "This defiance won't survive, you will submit to me" he stated with such a disturbing confidence.

I felt rage burn within me, I bit my tongue. He pulled me up, placing me back upon the bed. He began undressing, I turned away, I felt the bed move when he climbed in, but he did not motion towards me. I felt relieved, I pulled down knowing I would find no peace, or rest not here. I wondered how Ezio was, I kept hoping that if I turned I would find Ezio beside me, and this whole mess was nothing but a nightmare. I turned only to confirm my fears, my motion awoke made him stir, he turned to face me. He leant over me, his fingers tracing my cheek "I will remove those chains when you give yourself to me"

I considered doing so just to gain my freedom, but I wasn't willing to give up as yet, there had to be another way. He was still looking into my eyes; it felt strange being caught in his gaze. He didn't say another word, his fingers just ran into my hair, I steadied my breathing, I knew what he wanted. He pulled closer, I stopped his progress.

He remained poker faced, pulling back, turning and then managing to sleep with ease. I however remained wide awake, staring up at the ceiling. My mind wondering, racing and twisting in the darkness.

The sun strained my tired eyes, I looked around the room again, there had to be more than one exit. I glanced toward the window wondering how high up we were. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt his hands on my shoulders. He snorted in amusement “thinking of escaping?” he mocked.

Dragging me over to the window, bending me harshly to the frame so I could see just how perilously high it was, but as he leant against me, I noticed there were stones protruding enough to make a climb possible, not easy by any means. He seemed happy to have demonstrated his power over me, were I was silently planning my escape, he broke me from my thoughts when he shook me by my shoulders “We are to make a journey today my dear, and you will be coming with me”

I knew I wouldn’t like this. “Clean yourself up, and wear what I have given you, or I will be forced to do so myself” he threatened will that dark smile crossing his face once again.

I just nodded wondering how I would manage in chains, he sent in servants who aided me, to ensure the chains remained. Once clean they pulled a corset around me tightening in so it bared resemblance to the chains, the swell of breasts forced up, and on display, I felt uncomfortable, the tiny lace skirt covered what little modesty and dignity I had left.

“Now miss I would rather not need the guards to hold you down, but I fear I must” as she finished her words she called the guards, who held down each limb when released, it was painful, but it gave me small comfort that it took three behemoth type guards to hold me back.

As the chains clicked back in place I felt my heart sink, a prisoner once more. I felt foolish in this dress; the servants led me out into the hall “ah you look wonderful, like you belong at my side”

The words did not sit right with me; they weighed heavily upon me, as he made it sound like he planned to keep me here. “Belong?” I echoed fearfully.

“Yes, if I want something I take it” he stated animated, as if I was an apple he had plucked from a tree.

Just before motioning me toward leaving, that same woman from earlier stormed towards us “I thought I was coming with you brother” she whined.

Their body language threw me; I would not have thought them related. I felt a strange urge to laugh, but I held it down, only a small smile played about my lips, it was amusing as much as it was distasteful. He had to have her removed as she began to make a scene; the murderous look upon her face was directed at me as the guards dragged her away. I could see I had made an enemy, but I was not expecting to find friends here.

He gripped my arm and dragged me down the long winding corridors, to keep my mind at ease I watched for escape routes, amounts of guards, how well armed they were. This occupied my mind until I was forced into a carriage, the door closed, and we began to this undisclosed destination, that he would not reveal to me.

“Give me something, and I will give you something. That is how it works my dear” he responded to each question I posed.

I finally fell silent; I didn’t want to give him anything. The length of the journey was telling, my heart lurched knowing where our final destination was. 

Uncomfortable nights laying aside Cesare, he made the same offer of removing my chains. I remained in pain with the tightness of the chains, my skin raw and bloody. My mind racing, my panic and anxiety grew with each day. 

When we finally stepped a way out from the villa I cried out when I saw it in ruins, the fires smouldered, the walls near destroyed. I wept for all those within, praying once again that Ezio was safe, and that Claudia, Maria, and the assassins were also somehow safe among this chaos. I felt Cesare hands upon my shoulders pulling me up “It is quite a sight is it not” he taunted.

I could hold my tongue no longer “Have you not done enough to this poor family, are you insane?” I cried.

He turned me to face him “I am not insane, I will unite Italia and these fools stand in the way they deserve everything they get”

I raged against the chains holding me back, I did the only thing I could I spat at him. “You will regret that” he snapped, remaining eerily calm, which was more fighting than if he had raged at me.

His chance came as if the fates were aiding his cruelty. I could see Mario was stumbling from an injury to his leg, my eyes widened when he staggered closer. I tried to distract Cesare, but Mario must have seen Cesare and decided to go out fighting, as he attempted a charge, but he was too weak to give the power it needed. Merely knocking into him, Cesare brushed him off, drawing a gun from his belt, placing it to Mario’s head. “Any last words assassin?” he spat.

“You will not defeat us” he strained through his pain, holding to his defiance.

I was thankful he had not seen me, but I couldn’t hold my silence again “Cesare please, don’t hurt him” I begged.

He turned, his eyebrow raised, that annoying amused grin crossing his face. “And what will you give me in place of the satisfaction of taking his life before his own men? Why should I give you anything after your disrespect earlier?” he posed, enjoying having all the power.

I struggled to allow the word free of my lips as I knew what it would mean, but I couldn’t stand here and watch Mario die, he was a good man he didn’t deserve this. “Anything you desire Cesare”

I hated myself for it, but as he withdrew the pistol, I felt a small sense of relief. It was short lived as he approached me “Anything?” he purred.

I could hear Mario objecting after he heard my voice, his eyes pleading me to reconsider, as they pushed him away, telling him to leave before he changed his mind. They had to drag him away, and throw him to ground. I winced watching him crash to ground, but as he pulled up. I looked back to Cesare who was fast approaching.

His ego was such that each bullet whizzing by, and each cannon blast did not even make him flinch. He gripped my waist pulling me to him “I told you would submit to me”

As all deals with the devil, it was sealed with a kiss. He made sure to take his time, he stopped for a moment, allowing me to take a breath “Return my passion lest I find every Auditore in this place and kill them all before you” he hissed.

I closed my eyes, the only way I could stomach kissing him back was to think of Ezio, it made it bearable. He pulled me against him, his free hand finding the back of my neck forcing a deeper kiss, I just held to the fantasy. But when I opened my eyes, the fantasy was dispelled, and the reality of the promise I had just made dawned upon me, he would be expecting more. 

I began to take to morose thoughts, hoping one of the bullets flying would hit me, I had no such luck, it seemed as though danger evaded him.

Dragging me through what remained of the gate, he called out for Ezio, saying he had someone who wished to see him. I never caught sight of him, as I hoped to, but I was relieved he couldn’t see this way. 

I was dragged back to the carriage, to return to my prison. I glanced back one more time, and I hoped at least I had managed to save one life in that hell.


	10. Life with the Borgia's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds life among the Borgia's to be surreal, hellish and confusing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: ATTEMPTED ASSAULT AND DUBIOUS CONSENT ARE THEMES IN THIS CHAPTER

The carriage ride was strained, the moment we stopped, I was made to bathe by the servants he had brought with him. When I was forced to stand, I felt vulnerable standing before him, I pulled up one arm to cover my dignity, I dropped the other. He eyed my appreciatively, pulling my hands away "do not hide from me" he stated in a breathy tone.

He pushed me back on to the bed, I tried to pull up swiftly but he pushed me back down "Cesare" I hoped he would halt this give me time to wrap my mind around what I would have to do.

He didn't answer, I could feel his warm breath teasing at my sex, I tried to move, he gripped my hips plunging his tongue inside me. It was an uncomfortable sensation, it was what followed the discomfort that truly shook me. As his tongue tasted me, then pulled free to tease my clit, I began to feel pleasure from the sensations, I bit my lip not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was a arousing me, forcing back down my bodies urge to arch toward him. I tried desperately to hold back the groan threatening to escape my lips, but as teased my clit with gentle soft sucks, and laps of his tongue. I did more than groan his name escaped my lips in desire filled cry. This only encouraged him, adding pressure and speed to his actions to match my urgency. This pushed me over an edge I wasn't aware I was on, I cried out, rocking my hips. He slowed his tongue, then stopped when I relaxed back.  
He looked disturbingly pleased with himself "I didn't expect you would cry my name so soon" he purred. "My name sounds delicious on your lips, and you taste sweet my dear" he licked his lips.

I felt strange in that moment, unable to process not my compliance but not one desired cry but two, I had hoped to cling to silence just lay there. He removed my chains as promised "run and I will catch you, move even an inch and I will take that as a sign you wish for more" he warned.

I circled my aching wrists gingerly, sitting there feeling like I should be running, but I felt an invisible chain remained holding me to him. I did however try slap his smug grin from his face, he was stronger and faster than I realised, he pinned me down to the bed "keep this up and I will have to assume you want more" he purred. "The taste of you continues to delight my tongue, I would gladly assure it lasts me all through the night"

I relaxed my arms, he released them. He did not move away, instead he took his tongue over my right nipple forcing a cry from my lips. His eyes alight with renewed desire his brought his lips to mine, taking me in to a passionate kiss, I truly forgot myself as I returned his desire with genuine passion of my own. He deepened the kiss forcing out lips closer, pressing his body to mine.

I broke the kiss realising too late, breathless and racked with guilt, his eyes set upon me "please Cesare, it is too much" I pleaded.

I don't think he quite understood what I meant but he pulled away, and let me be. Forcing him to deal with himself, I tried to ignore the urges his groans stirred within me, he was not my lover, he was my captor I had to remind myself. His respectful behaviour was puzzling, I had expected him to be more gruff and forceful. I had not expected him to unchain me, now was my chance to escape, naked wasn't how I had planned to be but I didn't have time to choose. Cesare must have sensed my restlessness, as his arm circled around me turning me to him, pulling me into his arms.

"You know I can give you everything, what is it you desire?" He mused.

I wondered if this was a trick, so I remained silent "I want to know" he pressed gently.

"To make a difference, help others" I answered honestly.

"Do you not desire power, power can help you make a difference and help others"

"It is those in power that cause the people to be in need is it not?" I stressed feeling confused by his line of questioning, I knew he only held to me to keep me from running.

"The right man in power would wield it wisely" he stated.

"And that would be you would it?" I quipped sarcastically.

He forced me to look him in the eye "yes it would, it is my birth right and destiny to rule" he declared proudly, but a the look in his eye seemed in contradiction.

I raised my eyes "is that truly what you desire?"

"You know what I desire" he purred.

"No I mean seriously"

He became ridged "why do you care?" He hissed.

"I don't, I am curious"

"I would hold your tongue before it gets you in trouble" he warned.

I sighed, he kept me close, my head upon his chest. It felt strange to remain this way all night, it made our dynamic confusing, it would have been easier if it was black and white, then I could simply kill him, but the consequences would be dyer. He didn't seem to worried to have an assassin in his bed, it was as if he didn't fear death.

I only managed to fall asleep through pure exhaustion.

It was surreal to wake up in his arms, and for a moment thinking I was with Ezio, as he was stroking his fingers through my hair. It was disconcerting to look up and see Cesare, the look upon his face put me ill at ease.

"Morning" he chimed as if we were some loving couple.

This whole experience was becoming surreal, I was thankful he wasn't being violent and cruel, but it made me wonder what he was up to, what did he get from this. The stops on the way back proceeded as such, he continued to pleasure me, I hated myself more and more, as I began to lose myself a little made it easier to cope with.

Once we returned, I was led back to his room, luckily he had business to attend to, so I was left alone. I finally made my first bid from freedom climbing out of the window, I found the protruding bricks precarious, I tested my footing before I finally stepped out, proceeding down slowly and cautiously. I did not do well with heights, so I focused upon my breathing, keeping it steady, my heart was hammering in my chest. I was so pleased to feel the ground beneath my feet, I would have kissed it, had it not looked so worn by soliders feet.

I watched the guards patrol from the shadows, timing their routes, accounting for almost everything. Stepping outside the wall I found Cesare waiting arms crossed, he had expected this, but he looked rather disappointed.

"I was hoping to not play this game with you, but if you insist"

I had completely underestimated him once again, forgetting he was tougher than he looked. My pride as an assassin took a blow that day when bested me, marching me back in chains, I did not go quietly. He chained me to a post in his room "calm yourself, the next time you try to run, I will kill the guard and his family, do not test me" he warned.

His stern expression silenced my rage, I took a deep breath. "I am leaving to quell another rebel setting chaos upon italia, when I return I will release you from these chains, and we will start again" he chided.

I was exhausted from the climb, and the fight, I slumped against the wall. Hours passed, I barely moved a muscle. The only people I saw were servants, I never saw beyond these four walls for weeks.

I over heard so many conversations that boggled my mind "how can she be refusing Cesare?" As if I was out of my mind for not throwing myself at my captor.

Another woman warned me that Lucrezia was up to something "she's got that cruel look in her eye, she normally beats the servants, but she has stayed her hand of late, saving it for you" she seemed genuinely concerned.

"Find the key to these chains and I will give her a piece of my mind" I muttered under my breath.

"I don't know where she holds the key, or whether master Cesare has it" she responded.

"It's ok its not your job to free me" I stressed, feeling frustrated by the chains once more.

"Was a cruel hand of fate that led us here"

"Yes, indeed" I almost laughed at the madness of it all.

The servant Lia became my only source of information, and comfort, I suspected I needed her more than she needed me, but she seemed to look happier in my company than her Colleagues.

Lucrezia stormed in, I had been expecting her much sooner but she had been distracted of late.

"Shouldn't you be attending to your duties" she hissed at Lia.

I would have stood defensive before the girl if I had the capacity to move, I pulled at the chains wildly, trying to pull free, but they held me at bay. The whole horrible scene played out before me, as she forced Lia out the window. Her terrified screams ringing in my ears "you bitch, I will kill you" I hissed.

She ignored my cries for revenge, telling the guards to do whatever they wanted "don't leave a mark, Cesare would be furious to see a mark upon her, take your time" she stated with a cruel smile. She locked the door, the two guards approaching me, I looked up through my tears, hating this twisted family with a vengeance. They dragged me from the floor screaming like a banshee, pulling at the chains in a crazed manner.

"Fuck, shut her up would you" the guard behind me hissed.

"How I can't mark her" he reminded him.

He tried to force a kiss, I head butted him with force, his blood splattered across my face. He howled in agony "she fucking broke my nose, hold her, going to teach her a fucking lesson"

He tore my shirt open, I did the only thing I could as he remove his gloves, I began to scream again.

"Would have been gentle, but now you have no chance you little bitch" he hissed.

They stopped dead when a voice rang out in the hall "Cesare back so soon, I didn't expect you for days"

The two guards looked panicked releasing me, dropping me to ground. Cesare barged through the locked door, blade in hand.

In that moment I was so pleased to see him in that moment, his eyes took to me struggling to pull back up, my shirt torn open. He didn't even say a word, he took his blade to both guards swiftly, their bodies dropping to ground was a comforting sound. He unlocked the chains, I could have made a break for it, lord knows if I would have got far. But I did not I dropped into Cesare's arms, and remained there until the shock faded. Poor Lia, Lucrezia would die at my hand, I would see to it.

Cesare was cruel with his words, she left in tears, it gave me little satisfaction. I found myself once again seeking solace in Cesare's arms, as I cried silently.


	11. What is wrong with me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra dives in to murkier waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did spend most of this chapter listening to this song, think it fits so well: Undisclosed desires - By Muse
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8OOWcsFj0U

Another morning to awake to horrific memories, Lia had died to suit the madness of Cesare’s sister, and I was not home with Ezio, I was sleeping with the enemy. As I pulled myself free of his arms, I found the room to not have a single reminder of yesterday's hell.

"What did you do with Lia?" I pressed my back to him, my voice shaky.

"Hmm" he responded sleepily. "Who?” he questioned.

  
“The girl your sister killed”

  
“Oh her, they would have sent her to her family so they can grieve" he strained, as if being forced to think was a cruelty.

I felt furious at his dismissive tone, but I did not have the energy, so I merely asked "May I go to her funeral?" I wasn't sure why I asked for permission, but I knew I felt I owed her the respect of bidding her farewell.

"Why?" He simply responded.

I was expecting no or a continuation of his mocking tone, I received neither. Cesare continued to confound me. I should hate him, but after yesterday any hate I had for him, had transferred to his sister. I was feeling a strained civility to him, and his proximity no longer made me uncomfortable, I felt no small measure of guilt for this.

"She was kind to me, I feel I owe her this respect" I strained.

"Fine if you must, I will go with you" he added begrudgingly, as if it were beneath him.

This flared the rage, I didn't think better of it in time. "Don't strain yourself Cesare" I hissed inn annoyance.

"Me or a guard can escort you, I care not who you chose" he snapped.

I felt a strange need to apologize, and before I recalled who I was talking to I stressed "I am sorry, it's still fresh in my mind" I revealed.

Cesare pulled up; begrudgingly he rounded to me, his hand pressed to my knee, as he dropped to his hunches before me. "I will go" he stated more tentatively, his hand cupping to my cheek.

It felt strange to feel thankful to him once more. I felt ashamed as I began to consider Lia’s funeral as a chance to escape.

The clothes I was given were garish and over stated, not intended with respect in mind. This outfit was to show me as a woman worthy to be on Cesare’s arm, he found out when and where the ceremony was to be held. Bathing myself was strange; I was used to rough hands, and painful brushes dragging through my hair. Now I just luxuriated in the water, allowing myself a moment that felt almost normal before returning to the madness.

Dressed in the hellish contraption, Cesare led me outside; the sun was painful to my tired bloodshot eyes. I drew my hand up to shield my eyes. He told the driver of the carriage our destination he stated "Are you sure sir?, it is not a place for one such as yourself and your lady"

The only part of that sentence I could be thankful for, was the fact he had not mistaken me for his sister, the thought of her boiled my blood.

"Just go" Cesare ordered.

It was a long and rocky journey, when we arrived at the small and quiet graveyard; all misted eyes took to us confused, and weary. We said nothing rather taking among the mourners; everyone looked as if they didn't know what to do. "She was dear to us, I thought it fitting that I pay my respects" Cesare stated with feigned reverence.

"Sir we did not expect you to grace us with your presence, but we are honoured that you would"

A few people uttered 'truly a man of the people'

So in keeping an eye on me, he had turned this to an opportunity to change his reputation with the people. I said nothing, I was too busy listening to the kind words of her family and friends, brought a tears to my eyes. She was such a sweet girl, taken too soon. I said goodbye to her amidst my tears, and vowed to avenge her.

The mother and father thank us both for caring enough about their daughter to be there, it meant a lot to them.

"Cesare I would thank your kind lady but we do not know her name" Lia’s father added with a sad but respectful tone.

"This is Alessandra; she is to be my queen. She was close to your daughter"

He handled them so well, it was clear he had done this before. I shuddered to think how or why he was so practiced; he knew all the right words to say when words failed me.

Once the family had begun their way home, we were returning to the carriage and in a reflex I called out "Cesare look out"

I had spotted an assassin lurking, now discovered he lunged but the element of surprise lost Cesare dealt with him swiftly. The look of shock and betrayal written upon his face was clear, or maybe it was what my guilt made me see. He gasped his last breath as Cesare cut him down. I was aided back to the carriage, Cesare was more than thankful, he looked shocked, by the attack or my actions I couldn't tell, and I did not dare ask as I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

It had all happened so fast I hadn't even thought to escape in the madness. The carriage ride back I couldn't get that poor assassins face out of my mind, I dropped my head into my hands. What had I just done? Why did I do that? I had no answers. The words had just came out before I realized what I was saying, my mouth seemed to be running before my mind came into gear, it has caused me so much trouble of late.

I barely registered him escorting me to his room, I was still in shock, instead of aiding my brother assassin I had revealed him, and got him killed.

  
I could only tell the jacket had gone from the cool air surrounding me, sending chills down my spine. A warm sent of arms took round my waist, when Cesare whispered thank you, the pain sharpened in my chest, I needed this pain to fade it was too much.

  
I turned in his arms to face him, taking him and myself by surprise when I took my lips to his, his facial hair tickled at my skin, forcing a smile as I traced my lips over his. He recovered swiftly pulling me closer, kissing me with a frenzied passion. His tongue ventured passed my lips, tasting mine, I began groaning with abandon, allowing myself to enjoy the feel of his lips, and the sound of his vocal desire. His hands pulled urgently at the ties of the bodice, frustrated by the layers, as he removed one there was another, I felt mildly amused.

His armor, and layers came off easily, once I pulled off his shirt, I was pleasantly surprised by his physique. His toned muscles revealed a man who was well trained, and his many scars, a man who had seen many battles. I traced my fingers over his scars, as he backed me toward his bed.

Tipping over, I lay watching him climb over me, he edged me into the middle of the bed. He kissed my lips softly before he began to descend, his lips leaving long lingering kisses down my neck, to my shoulder blade. He pulled down with slow teasing kisses upon the swell of breasts, tracking his tongue over the left nipple, I groaned gripping tightly to his shoulders. He continued to tease my hard nipples with the tip of hip tongue until he had me shivering with delight. Taking my left nipple suddenly into his mouth, sucking harshly, I cried out, my cries of ecstasy soon filled the room as he continued to delight me with rough and gentle sensations. I whimpered his name, this halted him and led him to continue his path down my body, the kisses placed upon my stomach made me tense with anticipation; soon his warmth breath was teasing my dripping sex. His tongue tentatively teased over my clit, continuing down until he was lapping up my juices, he pushed his tongue inside me, I did not hold back this time. I arched my back as the pleasure coursed through me; it grew with every push and tease of his tongue. He gripped my hips tightly forcing his tongue deeper, I groaned vocally. The build toward orgasm was more than amazing, a powerful climax wracked my body, leading me to cry his name louder, the aftershocks delighted me.

He released my hips after I began to relax, climbing over me; he took hold of my left leg, wrapping it around him, pressing his erection to my slick folds. He pushed himself inside me with a slow and gentle motion allowing my body to accommodate him. Being so wet already he filled me with ease, his thrusts were slowly and controlled. His eyes locked upon mine, his fingers traced cheek as he stopped momentarily looking at me in that same strange manner I had seen before "you are so beautiful" he whispered softly before he continued his gentle rhythm.

I felt a strange sense of panic rush through me as it occurred to me that was a loving look. I had focus back on the pleasure; it was difficult to re-focus. I rocked my hips in time with his thrusts, allowing the pleasure to take away everything else, I could feel him hardening inside me, I moaned softly. His gentle rhythm became a more forceful rhythm as his urge to reach his release took him, he growled out his heady climax, his warmth filling me. In the pulses that followed he groaned my name. It was strange to hear it upon his lips with such desire. He remained still until his body relaxed; he dropped down beside me, and pulled me to him.

"That my dear was amazing" he purred.

He kissed me softly on the forehead. I had wanted to escape the pain, but in my desperation to do so, I had again led Cesare to believe I shared his feelings, I could only hope I was wrong. He couldn't love me, my heart belonged to another, I still was unsure of his fate. I had heard nothing. I no longer hated Cesare but I could not love him, and then I recalled his words 'you will learn to love me'

Could I love him? If I truly was stuck here, the thought frightened me, as I was no longer sure. This was becoming more confusing and I had again in my foolish way made things worse.

When I woke I got my answer "I must leave once again, I do not wish to leave you, but I must" he kissed my lips softly. "I will not chain you again; I do not want Lucrezia to hurt you, so I know you are formidable enough to take care of yourself. I would however like to return to you still present and Lucrezia alive" he chided.

"I can't make you any promises Cesare" I stated in all honesty as I imagined how I would kill his sister.

He sighed heavily "it is a risk I will have to take, but please my love stay your hand" he pleaded.

That was not the worst of it; I actually beginning to feel a strange loyalty to him, what was wrong with me? I promised him she would live, when I knew she did not deserve mercy. Why was I smiling at him? I tried to push the smile from my face but I failed. And when he pressed me to the wall kissing me passionately, I felt wistful as he left. I had to shake my head, I had to come to my senses I had been here too long, I was confused, clearly. I was glad to see him leave, I took to the window, I swore I had seen movement further down the building but it must have been my imagination.


	12. Is it you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra runs into a familiar face, but things are soon to become more complicated for Alessandra

I dressed quickly in plain clothes, heading toward the roof to clear my head. They had little garden of sorts up there, I was hoping I could think clearly for a moment. But the fates were against me, as I heard Lucrezia’s shrill voice call out "You have ruined my life, you took him from me" she hissed.

I pulled my head out of my hands, and pulled up. She looked shocked to see me unchained; she backed away to what she felt was a safe distance holding up her hands hoping I would see this as a signal to hold back. I rushed at her gripping her by the throat, slamming her to the wall. My arm strained holding her there kicking a straining to scream, I recalled my promise but I did not release her, not straight away. Only one voice could have pulled me free of such focused rage.

"Drop the girl, I need her" Ezio warned.

I dropped her to ground, turning slowly hoping this was no dream that I truly was him. It was, there stood Ezio, his eyes widened upon seeing me "Alessandra is it you?" He cried.

"Yes Ezio"

We rushed to embrace each other tightly, both whispering "I thought I lost you"

We pulled back, eyes trained upon each other, the relief faded and the questions began "Why are you here?" He pressed.

Lucrezia took this as her cue to pipe up "she is warming my brothers bed" she hissed accusingly not knowing of our relationship.

"Has he touched you?" Ezio growled "I will kill him" he declared shaking with rage.

"My brothers in love with the little bitch" Lucrezia again decided to add to the conversation.

That confirmed my fears, I had to escape. "Do you have a plan?" I pressed Ezio, ignoring Lucrezia.

"A friend is in their dungeon and Lucrezia has the key, we need to.."

Before he finished that sentence, wondered over, looking down at her cowering beside me, and I knocked her out, I will admit to it making me feel a little better, this would also silence her vile tongue. I snatched the key "got it"

I followed him down leading the way, checking for guards, and knocking them out as I went. I had missed being in Ezio's presence, I felt normal again.

If time was not of the essence we would have been enjoying our reunion more, and thanks to Lucrezia Ezio was trying to wrap his head around the idea of me and Cesare. He probably assumed he had forced himself upon me, I felt ashamed knowing I had slept with him willingly, the things I had let him do to me. I could no longer meet Ezio's gaze, we made it down to the cells. His friend looked injured, this would not be easy at all, too many guards, they would be dead before reaching the gates. I knew I would have to give up my bid for freedom, be the distraction, lead the guards away from the halls, and the gate. I knew they would chase me down, as their lives would depend on it.

I sighed heavily "you two will never make it, you need a distraction. I will make a run for it, lure them away"

"You expect me to let you be bait, they may catch you and I will not have you stuck here any longer, it has been too long" Ezio stressed.

My eyes misted over "I know, but if sacrificing my freedom can save you both I will do it"

"I have only just found you, I don't want to lose you again" he pleaded.

I walked over to him, kissing him softly, recalling why I loved him, I didn't want to let go. But I had to "Ezio you know I am faster than you, use this, escape, I may evade the guards yet"

The reunion was so sort, and bitter sweet, that it broke my heart to not be leaving with him. Ezio went to protest, but I rushed off my blood pumping as I raced passed guards, hearing them call after me, and give chase. The a light metallic thud of feet soon became a multitude of feet crashing behind me, I had no wish to put their families in danger but I needed this chase to last beyond the gate. I sped up, pumping my arms furiously, evading outstretched arms, and grabs. I ran so fast my throat was burning, my chest growing tight.  
I finally found the gate but it was closed, I panicked. I turned to face the sea of guards with guns and pikes trained upon me approaching slowly as if afraid to spook me. I climbed up a nearby wall, straining as I climbed. Relieved to reach the top, and find the the gate mechanisms. When I dropped back down, the guards had me surrounded; I watched as Ezio escaped, his eyes pained seeing me trapped. He left begrudgingly, to help that poor woman to freedom, I hoped they escaped, and Ezio did nothing stupid.

At least I had saved one life, it was again no balance but it was a start. It had been the first thing I had done in a long time that gave me a sense of purpose; I had felt like myself for a brief time.

Lucrezia stormed amidst the guards she raised her hand but one of guards stopped her "Cesare will kill you for that" he warned.

"Well one of you can take the blame" she hissed.

"I don't think so" another guard chimed "I won't have my family hurt to make you feel better" 

She raged and slipped free of their grasp, she threw a clumsy punch at me, I grabbed her wrist mid-air, and swiftly head butted her, dazed she fell back, upon seeing the blood she fainted.

"Don't worry I will gladly take credit for that" I added before they worried. I heard a few of the guards snicker to themselves.

Returned to my prison once more, I sighed heavily. At least I knew Ezio lived, that was the only thing that would get me through this. 

For weeks I heard nothing of Ezio, or Cesare. Lucrezia avoided me like the plague. They put bars upon the windows, and never allowed me to leave without a four man escort. I felt more trapped now than when I first arrived, I was alone, and worst of all when a month had passed I began to lose hope of escaping or seeing Ezio again. Maybe the idea of Cesare taking me had sickened him so that he had decided to leave me here, there had to be another explanation I assured myself. 

I had begun to feel waves of nausea, but I had not been eating well, nor sleeping if at all. By the time Cesare returned I was feeling worse, I had been so ill that morning. My throat was a flame, I lay upon the bed willing the nausea to pass, but it did not. Cesare finally returned and entered the room. I could hear things had not gone to his liking. He raged "damn assassins" he hissed "damn cowardly politicians"

He paced back and forth before looking to me, his steely gaze softened "you do not look so well my love"

"I have been feeling awful for the past few days" I strained

He rushed over to me aiding me to sit down "I will get our doctor to look at you" he assured me brushing my hair free of my sweat covered brow.

I would have objected but I felt weary, I must have dozed off, I awoke to see both Cesare and a stern looking older gentleman. The doctor’s hands were cold, and he was not gentle, the whole experience left me distressed.

He gave me a tight smile, before showing Cesare out, talking with him in the hall, I couldn't hear a word. I waited nervously. I was glad to see the doctor did not return, I did not appreciate his manner. I pulled up holding to my pounding head "what is it?" I pressed.

Cesare took up next to me "It's wonderful news my dear, you are with child" his smile was wide.

My eyes widened with the shock, this had not even occurred to me, the fear and panic set in, he was ecstatic talking about the Borgia line. I didn't hear a word he said, the cold realization set in, I was stuck here. I gasped for air, I had never given any thought to having children, and now I was faced with making a family with Cesare, not Ezio, my mind could not wrap around the concept, or it refused to.

I just felt adrift, it was like an out of body experience. As if I was watching myself shrink while Cesare was smiling widely, and expectantly at me. He embraced me gently, kissing my forehead softly. I saw this but I felt nothing, I was not present. This couldn’t be real, I told myself. I was left alone to draw further into the void, Cesare ran off merrily telling anyone who would hear him.


	13. A day with Cesare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news still has Alessandra reeling, spending a day with Cesare leads to strange moments

I felt as though a weight had been cast around me, and now I would be held here. Another secret, another thing I would not want Ezio to know, as if it killed me, I could only imagine what it would do to him. I was still trying to process this madness when Cesare returned the smile wiped from his face "that assassin was in my home" he hissed. "Lucrezia said you two were rather cozy" he added in accusatory manner.

He had yet to mention her injuries, I just waited for him to continue, but he held still his arms pulled tightly to his chest, his glare harsh.

"You knew of my relationship him" I stated flatly.

"So you still have feelings for him" he growled his rage boiling under the surface, the only thing holding him back was the knowledge of me carrying his child. "If I had not taken a liking to you, you would have hung swiftly as an example to your foolish brotherhood"

"You should have let me swing" I snapped, the energy was not behind my words, so they sounded hollow.

"Maybe I should have" he cried. Pacing back and forth he continued "if all that divides me from you is this assassin, I will have his head cut from his shoulders" he declared motioning toward me.

"If you think killing him will get me to love you, you are a fool" I responded, wishing I had the strength to lash out.

"But you could love me?" He pressed, not the response I had expected. He took me by surprise, and it gave me pause. Leaving me to wonder could I love him, for the sake of our unborn child, did I not owe him or her to at least try, they were an innocent in this after all.

"I don't know Cesare" I finally stated honestly, not looking up at him, as I knew his now expectant eyes would sway me to be kind rather than truthful.

He remained silent as if considering the possibilities in my response, his fingers hooking under my chin pulling me round to look at him. He smiled and added "did you have to break Lucretzeas nose?" He gave a wry smile.

It had almost sounded like a joke, I looked to him curiously. "Was that humour Cesare?"

"Don't seem so shocked, I have humour, just one of the many things I promise you will see more of" he smiled genuinely, and I noticed for the first time he was quite handsome.

I pushed the thought instantly from my mind, he was not appealing in any manner I tried to remind myself.

As the day drew on I tried desperately to hold to that, but I found it grew more difficult. Cesare was being kind, and sweet with me, a stark contrast to his cruel manner, this confused me further. He even brought me flowers, a sweet smile plastered across his face. I saw no harm in taking them, if just to keep the strained civility that was beginning to form between us. I wrinkled my nose as he kissed my forehead softly.

He saw that I was taken care of when he had to deal with the business of politics, he referred to it as a distasteful but necessary. He sounded almost like he knew what he was talking about. He added that he need only the continued backing of his father and none would able to refuse his right to rule. It was only when he spoke of power, and his right as if it were a delicate and precious to him, did he sound unreasonable. It was that desperation and desire, that made him seem almost crazed. He moved from reason to madness so seamlessly that it baffled me.

He left to discuss strategy with dignitaries and Templars in positions of power, I grew board sitting in his room staring at the wall, or out the now unbarred window. So I ventured out after cleaning myself up, and putting on clean clothes. I felt a little stronger after I had eaten what the cook had brought me, and to find my door unguarded, was either a sign of trust or a belief that he had me, I hoped for the former, I had to believe the best of him now.

I could still manage stealth, and when I heard raised voices I drew closer, pulling into a perfect hiding place.

"You need to talk to your son he wishes us to take risks for nothing in return" a horse voice strained.

"You need to hear me out, this plan will benefit us all" Cesare assured them.

"I will talk with him, I assure you gentlemen that you will be compensated accordingly" another voice promised.

"Finally a voice of reason" the horse voice added in a lighter tone.

The sound of people leaving was evident, they passed by me unaware of presence.

"This is a game to you father, I am trying to do all you ask of me, but I must be the one leading the charge. I need and should demand their respect. But at every turn you question me, then they question me" Cesare stressed.

"When you have no idea what your doing how can I not intervene. These men have relied upon me, you would have us at war at all sides, your young and foolish" His father stated in a condescending tone.

"I am no such thing, you are not listening, and I am sick of you, one day I will silence you, mark my words" Cesare promised.

I began to see the influence his family had over him, after his father was done making a fool of him, his sister then pressed him for her own whims. I was both sickened and infuriated by her awful attempt to seduce him "stop pushing me, I don't wish to hurt you, but my heart belongs to another"

I narrowed my eyes, I assumed he meant me, he sounded so sure, I was anything but. I felt odd hearing him talk of me, I began to feel I shouldn't be hearing this. I was about to sneak out when I heard footsteps rushing toward the door, I pulled back.

Lucrezia grabbed at his arm and pleaded with him, he turned to her and hissed "If I make her my wife will take us seriously then"

"Father won't allow it, it's bad enough for him that your keeping your assassin pet in your bed, she will not bare our name" she cried.

"How dare you talk of her in such a manner. I will soon be the one in charge, then I will do as I please" Cesare declared.

Lucretzea said nothing more to him, but I heard her mutter "she will not bare our name or your seed if I have anything to do with it"

I would have to keep a weary eye upon her, she was not formidable but she was manipulative, and knew how to seek out weakness. It frustrated her that Cesare was refusing, I had no doubt they were both guilty of their twisted crimes, but I could see how she got her way, I knew many women like her, they always got what they wanted and when they didn't they would destroy it in spite. I didn't know how close to that edge she stood, but her desperation and threats made her seem close to falling into that frenzy of spite.

Finally she slunk away, I checked the room, and then stepped free of the shadows. I wished I had not heard all I had, some had made me feel for Cesare , and I did not want to. While others had worried me, I had been unaware of the intensity of Cesares feelings, and I feared he had swapped one addiction for another, I did not wish to be someone he craved. I had grown tired, too many new thoughts circled the old ones, my head hurt.

I returned to Cesares room, thoughts of escape would have to wait for days when my head wasn't so light. I wouldn't get far feeling so weak, I really needed to eat more, but the nausea made it difficult to look at food. I lay upon the bed, back to the door, this was never the safest way to lie, but it was the most comfortable.

I opened my heavy eyes upon the creaking of the door, turning to see Cesare looking exhausted, his shoulders slumped, looking utterly defeated. My better nature over rode my better judgement and made me feel the need to cheer him up. It was in poor taste "I hear your sisters struggling to look down her nose at the staff of late" but it worked.

A wry grin crossed his face although he tried to hide it. It had also amused me, when I had heard the guards saying it earlier. He kissed me softly "thank you" he whispered pulling me into his arms.

When we took to his bed, we were both too weary to even think of anything beyond sleep. But he held me in arms, holding his arm protectively around me, while I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He soon drifted to sleep, I however remained awake for sometime, finding this surreal, had I just spent a day with Cesare were I had cared for him, and he had been so good to me. It frightened me as I did not wish to let go Ezio, knowing my love lived and was not the one holding me now was difficult to take. Amidst my worries I must have drifted off.

I awoke to yet another rude awakening, spending the better part of the morning throwing up. I was weary, this Borgia child had decided its presence would be felt, that made me smile and grimace at the name.

When I finally returned, after washing my mouth out as throughly as possible without encouraging myself to feel worse. I dropped back on to the bed "our child not giving you any peace" Cesare remarked sleepily.

"We can tell who they take after already then" I teased.

"Was that a joke my love?" He chimed in an amused tone. He didn't give time to respond, he brushed my hair free of my face "I could get used to this"

"Used to what?" I remarked confused.

"Being with you" he smiled.

He would have to make this awkward, I was not ready to own what was going on here, let alone acknowledge us as anything. I laughed nervously, thankful he didn't continue to push the topic. He looked strangely content even without a response, pulling me back into his arms. "We should just stay here all day"he mused.

As if in response a guard knocked upon the door "Cesare sir, your father wishes to speak with you"

"Damn it, I will get my staff to check in on you. How are you feeling?" He pressed.

"A little better" I strained. I said something foolish before he left "don't let them get to you Cesare, you are not as much of a fool as I thought you to be" I covered the sentiment with humour, and sarcasm, hoping he would either laugh, or dismiss it off hand.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you cared for me" his eyes set upon me, a smug grin played about his lips, before he left the room.

What was I doing, if I did get out I would become attached to him, and may somehow find it in my heart to love him. But every time I considered running, I thought of the poor unborn child, and wondered what would be best for them, I never reached a conclusion my mind just ran in circles.


	14. Threats,lies and love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra still stuck among the Borgia family, is discovering the dangers that lurk those halls

The passage of time saw to it that my heart began to break over Ezio's absence, I knew the brotherhood would be asking him for this sacrifice, but it made it no easier on me, or him I hoped. I was conflicted as Cesare continued his charm offensive, I felt my will weakening, and I felt guilty for it, but then I cast my mind to the unborn child that was still waking me with nausea like clockwork early in the morning. I found myself being defensive of Cesare, and supporting him. With me at his side, he seemed different, more confident. He didn't appreciate me pricking his conscience, but he would often see reason, and thank me for my candor, as it was so rare within these walls that anyone spoke so plainly. I found that my reason would be confounded by the influence of his family, who had now begun to take a dislike to as they referred to it 'my undue influence over Cesare'. They must have decided they had heard my name too many times, as I had been called to speak with Cesare's father.

I looked to Cesare "Why does he wish to speak with me?" I questioned, rather anxious at the thought, as he was an intimidating man. I couldn't kill him, so I would have to talk to suffer him instead.

"I do not know my love, I will gladly go with you" he offered so sweetly, it gave me pause, he had shown himself to be a changed man, whether this was act would all be revealed in time.

He took my hand as he walked me down toward the hall, I looked to him. This man bore no resemblance to the cruel and twisted man of the past; when in love Cesare was truly his better self. I felt weary, as his warm hand holding to mine gave me comfort, I feared it would all change in an instant. I found my grip tighten a little as if I needed to prolong the moment, Cesare just assumed me nervous, and gave a reassuring smile.

Upon reaching the hall, we found his father sitting at the end of a long table, impatiently tapping. He glared when we entered the room, more harshly at me.

"I wish to speak with Alessandra alone" he commanded.

"No, whatever you must say to the one I love, you may say before me" Cesare returned his father's glare.

After some verbal sparring it seemed his father swayed him to leave, I didn't know how he managed it, but I found myself alone. My hand felt empty and cold. I looked toward him, barely holding eye contact.

"Take a seat" he offered.

"I would rather not" liking the idea of being able to just turn and leave, and being beyond his reach felt more comfortable.

"In your current state my dear you should be careful" which sounded more like a threat than concern, as he intended. A ghost of dark smile upon his lips. "Fine" he declared exasperated waiting. "You will stop interfering with our plans, if you do not I will see to it you suffer"

He put up no false civility, he took to threatening me as if it had been practised to perfection. I knew I had to be careful, I hated having to walk on eggshells with people months ago I would have simply killed. It was difficult to remain civil and hold back the rage simmering within.

"I am the only one here who shouldn't give a damn about your son, but I can clearly see I am the only one who does. The rest of you only push him to serve your own interests" I hissed in response to his threat, I was weary as to how far they would all go to hurt one another, never mind myself.

"It is bad enough that my son keeps an assassin in his bed, who bears his child. But to have the audacity to speak to me in this manner. Hold your tongue, learn some respect or I promise you will regret it" he reiterated his threat. 

"Respect is earned not given, and you have earned nothing. I will not stop protecting Cesare from you" I wanted to make my own threats, but I held back. 

"If you insist, you will regret this choice, and you will learn the Borgia family is not to trifle with" his glare was intense, and he was infuriated by me not backing down. He must be used to peole cow towing to him because of his title. Enforce respect, but it did not move me.

He dismissed me with a wave of his hand after issuing his ominous threat, I wanted to take a blade to his throat. I never quite knew what stayed Ezio's hand, the thought of Ezio shook me more than the threats issued from this family. The regret flooding back, why didn't I stay behind. It was an old wound, I would reopen it too often, and the what ifs only led to despair as there was nothing I could do.

I stepped back into the hall to find Cesare patiently waiting, his eyes lit up when he saw me, which I found endearing. "Are you ok?" He pressed knowing his father.

"I am fine" I lied.

His eyes narrowed, he took me by the waist, and he led me back up to his room. Calling for the cook, Cesare assured I ate enough to keep my strength up, as I often neglected my health, he often chided me for this. The soup had given me an some of my energy back, I was about to pull up when hit by a wave of nausea. It felt draining, I found I needed to steady myself. I had just washed out my mouth to soothe my raw throat, I wondered back out. The last thing I saw was the ground pulling closer, then darkness.

I awoke feeling awful, the room was spinning, it was a strain to focus, the world was a blur. Voices sounded like a distant echo, I was frightening and not just for me, I forced the strained words "the child"

My head fell back on the pillow, my brow was slick with sweat. A cool towel pressed to my forehead, and a pressure about my hand, let know Cesare was at my side. It felt strange being conscious but not aware, and the pain growing within me, forced me to whimper.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, recall something being placed in my hand, and being asked to drink. I recall the taste being foul before I drifted off into a strange pained dream, the unusual imagery, left me feeling dizzy and faint.

I woke as the fever broke, the heat became bearable once more. I forced my heavy eyes to open, my eyes burned as the light assaulted them. My senses slowly functioning normally, I could hear only the soft patter of feet next to me.

I slowly turned my throbbing head, to find Cesare pacing back and forth. "Hi" I stated hoarsely.

"Thank god you're awake" he exclaimed.

Pulling me into a gentle embrace, holding to me so long, as if he feared to let go. 

"The baby?" I cried suddenly as my haze cleared.

"They are a fighter, just like their mother" he smiled.

"What happened?" I squeaked.

"The doctor thinks it was poison" he growled. "When I find out who is responsible, I will kill them"

I held to him thinking his father certainly took no time in showing his hand, putting the poor child at risk. When I was well, I would kill him myself I thought.

My recovery was slow, but I soon found the strength to venture out, Cesare had been gone for hours. I wondered where he had gotten to, I was getting used to his presence at my side.

I asked a confused looking servant girl "Are you ok?" 

"Yes, but it's the strangest thing" she laughed softly.

"What is it?" I pressed her.

"Cesare is cooking in the kitchens" I almost burst out laughing at the thought. 

I continued toward the kitchens, this I had to see for myself. It was true as I walked in he was grumbling under his breath, pacing back and forth.

"Cesare? What are you doing?" I laughed to myself. Containing my amusement, barely.

He turned as if he had been caught red-handed, he gave me a wry smile. "I am trying to assure myself this is safe, the tasters are otherwise engaged" 

He was cooking to make sure me and his child were safe. I felt a smile cross my face, he looked so adorable as he furrowed his brow trying to figure out what to do next. His forehead glazed with sweat, as he worked in the heat.

At the end of his labours he produced a bowl with a strange looking concoction within it, I eyed it warily. I looked up at his expectant face, I took a spoonful, not wanting to taste it, I tried to swallow it. But my taste buds decided otherwise, as the bland and lumpy texture had to be forced down. I smiled "well at least it's not poison" I teased.

I was feeling much stronger thanks to Cesare, almost like myself. While I recovered Cesare who worked on finding the culprit, politics, and cooking when the tasters were not available. He was juggling so much, he looked tired upon entering the room that evening.

I took my hands to his tight shoulders and massaged away the tension. He was so rigid at first, but now he was leaning back against me, breathing easier.

"Where would I be without you?" he remarked.

"Less stressed I would assume" I joked.

"You know that's not true, my family would see me buried under all of this pressure and politics. But you always try to lighten my mood, not had that in my life before, it's nice" he smiled sweetly.

He turned kissing my flushed cheeks, as his lips found mine, we both enjoyed the loving kiss, the gentle, tentative touch. But it passed into desire, as Cesare pushed me down, climbing on top of me. The pressure of his lips increased, deepening the kiss; which left little room to breathe, the kiss was all consuming. I broke it breathless, gasping for air. Before the hungry kiss was continued, which delighted me.

He was grinding his cock against my thigh, groaning softly into my mouth, as his cock twitched. Pushing my thighs apart, he pulled himself between them. I pushed my hand under his trousers, taking his hardening cock in hand, teasing him slowly until he reached his full length. He edged his trousers down, pushing my skirts up. He was not so gentle, he forced himself inside me with a swift thrust, as the initial pain subsided, the pleasure took its place. His forceful rhythm thrilled me, he fucked me, all the while groaning in a deep guttural manner that made me tremble. I began crying out as my climax took me swiftly and with intensity, I enjoyed the aftershocks as he continued his powerful thrusts. He groaned and growled as his he enjoyed his release, his eyes opened locking upon mine, his a breath laboured with his exertion. He smiled a sly smile before dropping beside me, and taking me into his arms. As his breath slowed, his body relaxed. He was tracing his fingers through my hair; when he snickered to himself.

"What's so funny?" I was forced to ask.

"I thought you weren't religious my love" he quipped.

"I am not" I declared, feeling strange saying it in such a place as this.

"Strange that you should cry gods name while I pleasure you" he gave a wicked smile.

"Cesare, I promise I will only cry out your name in future" I teased, my cheeks aflame.

"Hmm, I would like to test that, I do so love hearing my name escaping your lips in desire" he growled.

Our passions lasted the whole night, both desperate for release, something to take away this tension. Exhausted, sweaty, and satisfied we lay in each other's arms, trying to catch our breath. The sun had begun to brighten the sky, reminding us that we would have to soon leave the comfort we had somehow found together. It was moments like these when I thought, maybe it is possible, I allowed myself a moment to think into a future with Cesare, it still frightened me, but the fact that I could actually see it was what made it all the more frightening.


	15. Things are moving too fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds herself lost in the chaos, and soon finds herself drawn deeper into the madness

Cesare decided that we needed to escape these walls, spend time away from from the reach and influence of his family. He brought only his trusted guards, and we were taken in his carriage to the outskirts of the city. When stepped free of the carriage, and I looked back to the vast city feeling a strange shift, I could not quite place. We did not walk too far given my condition as Cesare often referred to me being with child. I was drained, so I was thankful we didn't need to walk far. I wander aside Cesare looking to him curiously, wondering what we were doing. He caught me staring "you wonder what we are doing here?" He reflected my thoughts accurately.

I nodded and returned my questioning gaze to him. "Look up ahead, what do you see?"

I looked toward a small building in the distance, none the wiser until we drew closer, it was a church. Cesare was serious about us marrying. I had thought it madness, or just words used to taunt his family. But he began to tell me how he had searched this place out, finding a priest willing to ordain the union had been the most difficult part, but he had found a man willing and happy to defy the pope.

I didn't know what to say, he had gone through a lot of trouble to make this happen. He passed me a gift telling me to wait until inside to unwrap it, I had been so distracted by it all I didn't realise we stood at the door of the church. We were greeted by an enthusiastic young priest, he seemed honoured to be allowed to take part. Cesare escorted me to a room off to the side, he waited outside the guards at the door, so running was a choice I could have made, but instead I opened the gift, watching as a beautiful red dress unfurled from the linen wrapping. I was taken back, Cesare had good taste despite the Borgia colours, I was surprised that it was so simple, velvet and lace over the arms, and bodice. A veil and necklace fell free of the dress, luckily not worse for wear. I felt compelled to put them on, just to see how it felt, and looked. I convinced myself I wouldn't walk out there, that this would not happen. I was turning in the dress enjoying the wave of the material, the veil felt strangely comfortable on my head, the necklace matched the dress tastefully. The door opened suddenly revealing Cesare in formal attire, I was mid spin when I heard him laugh gently behind me. I turned and was I was taken back by how handsome he looked, his smile genuine, he almost looked like a normal man. The Borgia colours reminded me it was not just any man, his arm took mine, and he guided me down the aisle. I felt as though everything was running at speed before I could fully realise or process a moment it had passed by, and now I was a Borgia. I could only hope that as he sealed our first kiss and husband and wife, that he would be a good husband and father, as I could not be sure of anything anymore.

Returning to the Castillo in his carriage, Cesare pulled me into his arms, entwining his fingers with mine. "I will be a good husband to you, and a good father to our child, I swear it. We will be a family" he assured me.

He held me tightly for the entire return journey, holding my hands in his. I felt like a normal couple for a moment, enjoying the closeness and warmth of him, pressing my head under his chin.

It was only when we returned did the reality of it hit me, I was one of them now, I was the enemy. I couldn't quite get to grips with the idea, I had let go of any hope of leaving, and well and truly planted my roots here, becoming a part of his twisted family tree. Upon the highest branch was that rotten apple they all reached for, they all desired it, but had no idea of its power and its dangers. I could see in the short time Cesare had held it, it had affected him, shaped his ambitions, changed his beliefs, it was what drove him. He had escaped its power, though, and now slowly escaped the power of his father, and sister. Did this mean there was hope for him, I wanted it to be so,once again despite my lack of belief I took to a peaceful place to pray, wondering if anyone could hear me.

In the silence of the chapel within the Castillo, I closed my eyes and tried to hold a hope for myself and Cesare. My prayer was interrupted by footsteps approaching, they were heavyset and cumbersome. I turned to see Cesare's father standing beside me, looking down at me with a mild contempt and false smile.

"May I sit?" He posed with a strained civility.

I did not respond, I merely edged over, allowing him ample room, not wanting him to be too close. He noticed the simple ring adorning my finger, and in a hushed sharp tone he stated "You and Cesare married under my nose it would seem" I could see he brimmed with fury, he contained it well. "So if I am forced to accept an assassin within my family, I think you need to meet those who you must accept as brothers"

I could only assume he meant their Templar backers. So they couldn't oust me, now they wanted to either threatened, manipulate or convert me, I couldn't be sure of which with such company. I said nothing "good I will arrange it. And congratulations upon your marriage, welcome to the family"

This sounded so ominous, I gulped and forced a tight smile. I tried not to be obvious in my revulsion when he stood, grasping my chin, turning me to him, kissing my cheek and whispering "I however, do see what Cesare sees in you, you're a very beautiful young woman"

His fingers lingering upon my chin as he forced me to hold his gaze, I felt relieved when he released me and left. He had now found a way to unnerve me, and I was worried that he would push it. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I felt a wave of nausea and for once this was not due to the effects of being with child, I left the chapel feeling worse than I had when I stepped in. I hoped he wasn't expecting me to do as his daughter, I had seen their disturbing way around each other, I almost threw up at the idea of him expecting such things from me. I walked with speed up to mine and Cesare's room, not wishing to see another member of their family, the horror came in having to correct that thought to my family.

Cesare did not return till late, I felt him pull into the bed behind me. When his arms encircled me, I felt a little less strange. I wanted to say something, but I felt unable to form the words, so I took the comfort offered and drifted into a restless sleep.

I woke straining to see the weak light of day, I pulled up, feeling a little faint, but I found my feet without aid. I washed up, hoping I could be washed clean if only it were that simple. So I had the choice now of betraying my husband, and child, or my brotherhood. I hated how both choices held so much pain, and not just my own. I dressed in plain clothes, more comfortable than the dresses I had been forced to wear. With Cesare still sleeping he was unable to express his distaste, so I would be comfortable, and not on show for once. With room for my soon to expand stomach, the thought of a life within me felt too strange to process, so I wandered the halls.

"Early riser I see" I flinched upon hearing Rodrigo's voice.

"My backers will be here soon" he stated as he guided me into the hall, sitting me aside him.

"Will Cesare not be joining us?" I ventured, hoping for some backup. As I would soon be in a room full of enemies with my hands tied, being forced to listen to them rather than fight them.

"No, he has a military campaign to push forth. You will be getting better acquainted with me, and those to whom you will now swear loyality. You are to no longer be an assassin, you will become what we need you to be, a templar" he stated as if I had little choice in the matter.

I had never felt so trapped, with so much to lose if I opposed them. The thinly veiled threats ran free with their rhetoric, not many of them sounded like reasonable men. Maybe a few voices in a sea of many that were not desperate for power, but wanting to push change. But they were drowned out by their ill-intentioned brothers. I felt the walls were closing in as they called me to renounce my brotherhood, and swear an allegiance to them. If I did not do so it was made clear I would not be leaving the room, unarmed, and having another life to think of made this choice not solely mine. I spoke the words, they were as hollow to me as they were to them, they did not believe the words, they clung to the power the symbol gave, they were not templars but twisted empowered old men, who had no intent to sacrifice all this power gave them. Tears fell from my eyes when they declared me one of them, so not only had I become a Borgia, now they placed my name among theirs. I tried to contain the emotion rising within me, I had to steady my breath. When they finally let me leave, my mind was racing, I had to get out. I raced up the steps, rushing into Cesare's and my room, slamming the door, not wanting the world to enter, I wanted the door to stem the tide, as I was drowing.


	16. The fragility of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra worries that maybe the love growing between her and Cesare maybe too fragile to survive

Upon Cesare's arrival, I almost ran at him, I was so happy to see him, a friendly face. 

"I will have to leave more often if this is how you greet me upon my return" he teased, holding to me.

"Please don't" I pleaded.

"What is it my love?" He pressed concerned by my urgency.

"Templar meetings every night, I can't stand it" I confessed.

"Ah, I can recall before I took to politics how dreary and drawn out those meetings were, but they are our financial backers, they like to know that they are part of what goes on here. I have trick I will show you upon the next meeting if it will ease your mind" he offered.

"Yes any help is welcome, how goes the campaign?" I asked off hand, unsure as to why I asked.

"Well, we are pushing forward, Italia seems the most complex" he grumbled.

My strange questions kept coming out of my mouth unbidden "can I do anything to help?"

He raised a quizzical eyebrow at me and then smiled widely. I was left wondering was I this desperate to make it work that I would help the Templar cause and Cesare's push for peace or rule, I could never be sure which. "Not yet, but I am glad to hear you ask me such questions, I will be stronger with you at my side"

As he said this he took my face in hand, pulling me into a soft and gentle kiss, enjoying the warmth of his lips as they traced mine. A rush coursed through my body, awakening a need in me. When he broke the kiss I was dazed, I looked to him pleading for more.

"I would gladly give you more but I promised one of Lucrezia's playthings I would aid him with a platform for his play" he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Come with me if you like, it will be less dull if I have you at my side"

I agreed as I had nothing better to do, I had not seen Lucrezia in some time, I did not long for her company. So I was pleased to find her not in attendance, Cesare was talking to one of his guards. I wondered over to the poor nervous man awaiting us. He looked up, confused for a moment, recovering himself with grace and charm "who do I have the pleasure of meeting?" He took my hand kissing it softly, it tickled

He was sweet and charming. I was surprised that Lucrezia would choose such an opposite to her own harsh nature. "Alessandra, and you?" I smiled.

"Pietro, it is always a pleasure to meet such a vision" he continued his charm offensive.

"Flattery won't get you everywhere" I teased.

"No, but I would be remiss to not tell a beautiful woman that she is such" he gave a wry grin.

"I take it this is why Lucrezia has taken to you" 

"Yes, she is my muse" he sighed.

This made me nauseous, he must not know her well to boast such a statement. Cesare finally graced us with his presence, taking to my side, pulling me to him, and away from Pietro, it an almost territorial manner. Again he recovered with grace as he turned to Cesare "she is a lucky woman" he said in reference to me to appease Cesare who was now shooting him a warning glance.

He was only mildly swayed, giving a tight smile in response, forcing a break in his stare. "So you need a platform for your play, do you have any ideas?" He stressed.

I mused aloud "what about the coliseum?"

"Why that is inspired" Pietro rang "like days of old, a true place for drama and intrigue, where crowds used to cheer, and now they shall again" his enthusiasm getting the best of him as he kissed my cheek.

Cesare was starting to match the Borgia red, so I stepped in to say something before he exploded, but I may have chosen the wrong question off the top of my head. "So are we invited?" 

"Of course, I would be lucky to have such honoured guests in attendance, I am going to have to do a rehearsal tonight should you wish to see the artistic process in its raw stages" he smiled still luckily not noticing the fury written upon Cesare's face.

"Of course, I would love to" I responded.

"I have so much to do, I will look forward to seeing you later. I thank you truly for such an honour and such a platform" he left his thoughts elsewhere.

I turned to Cesare "Are you coming with me?" I pressed, waiting for the simmering rage to boil over, not sure once more as to my actions and motives.

"Must we?" Cesare stressed in pure frustration.

"No, I will go, I have never seen a play, I would be intrigued to watch one" I confessed.

"Fine I will suffer this for you" Cesare remarked like a martyr.

I laughed to myself "oh thank you, the brave things you do for me" I teased.

"Yes indeed" he smiled widely "it is lucky that I love you" he stated in such a jovial fashion that I missed the sentiment entirely.

Before the play rehearsal, I was forced to attend another meeting or another attempt at brainwashing. This time, Cesare walked in beside me, leading me away from his father. In amongst the sea of faces, Cesare waved to someone. He pressed his hands to my shoulders leading me to the only friendly face, we took a seat beside a man he had referred to as Gianni. Sitting beside Cesare was a man he called Auerlo, who looked rather wide-eyed. I looked to Cesare sceptical as to how this would help, but it was easier being aside him, and a nice healthy distance from his manipulative father.

Cesare whispered "just wait and see" he assured me with a loving smile, I nodded.

I eagerly awaited what I was not too sure, but I anticipated it all the same. Cesare was right sitting between these two was a great source of entertainment, the debates that broke out between them were both intriguing and hilarious, the manner in which they addressed each other was the most amusing part. They were so respectful and so sarcastic, that each remark was a respectful insult, you could see the confusion as to whether to take offence.

I squeezed Cesare's hand, feeling that if he was here each time would be bearable, even enjoyable. When Cesare joined their sparring things only became more amusing, when the debate was nonsense,but for true matters, Cesare was very intelligent and managed to be a few steps ahead, I felt a strange sense of pride as he bested them once again.

"See this is why we have faith in you Cesare" Gianni added with a genuine smile.

Their fears were allayed for another day, voices heard or at least made to seem so, they were satisfied, for today at least. "Gianni, can you do me a small favour, assure my wife sits with you in future"

I overheard as I caught up "of course Cesare, you are an old friend, I shall see to it" he smiled at Cesare than at me as he left.

"Thank you for today" I stressed.

"I did not do much beyond amusing myself" he dismissed my appreciation.

"I am no fool Cesare, you did this for me, and I am grateful, you're a good husband" the words feel odd leaving my mouth.

"I told you i would be, and I meant it. And I mean to provide for our son or daughter, I want something we can leave to them" he stated his eyes alight,I felt a momentary panic. Which was quashed by a second affirmation of his love. 

It would be time for us to make our way to the play, but once again Cesare was called away. He was relieved to a degree although he would not admit it "I will send one of my best guards as your escort" he smiled in a conciliatory fashion when he saw my disappointment. 

He took my hand "anything no matter how dull would have been made worthwhile with you at my side, I do not wish to leave you, you know this don't you?" He tilted his head to catch my evasive eyes.

"Yes, just be careful I would like our child to have both parents if at all possible" I said it glibly but I did worry that I would be left alone, whether it be through choice or not was another matter.

I feared losing the fragile love I was building between myself and Cesare, I still wished it could have been Ezio but our obligations now held us apart, his to the assassins and mine to my unborn child.

"You need not worry about me, no man is my match my love" he sounded so confident, I wasn't sure whether to be assured, or worried that he was suffering from some delusion of grandeur. 

I simply smiled, embracing him at the gates before he left once again.

I made it my mission that night to enjoy myself no matter the company that evening. I took a carriage to the coliseum. It was a long and silent ride, and for the first time, I observed Rome in all its glory, seeing the beautiful architecture of old. I also saw those struggling upon the streets, like I once was. I stopped the carriage, much to my guard's distaste, I purchased food, and passed to all begging, and those too proud to. Few thanked me, but their smiles and gasps were all the gratitude I needed, I continued on to the play rehearsal.

Pietro was surprised but happy to see me, he seemed to brighten further when I told him Cesare couldn't attend. He feigned disappointment but not very well "do you not like my husband?" I teased as we walked away from my guard.

It was amazing to stand in the midst of history, but I was mindful it was not all good, many must have suffered here. Pietro crouching into my field of vision brought me back to the present day.

"There is no polite manner in which to answer that question" Pietro smiled awkwardly, his eyes pleading for a subject change.

I obliged "I look forward to a good performance tonight if you need help don't hesitate to ask" 

"Thank you, you are not alike the others" he added intending a compliment but realised it sounded like an insult to the Borgia name.

"Stop panicking, I know you meant it to be a compliment" I smiled.

"I hope Cesare realises how lucky he is" 

"He had better" I joked.

I followed on, aiding Pietro with lines, and directions to other actors. We managed well between us, no obvious errors, and flawlessly moving from scene to scene. It was more fun and productive to be a part of the play than watching alone. I felt like today I had done some good, it gave me a sense of purpose beyond the walls of the Castello.

I gave a round of applause to the poor weary actors, still processing their lines and nerves. I don't think my presence calmed their nerves any as I had heard many musings of the fear of making a mistake with the Borgia family in attendance.

"Don't worry, it will only be myself in attendance" I assured them, that seemed to ease their overwrought minds a little.

After all had left I spoke to Pietro before he left "do you have far to go?" 

"The walk will do me good" he assured me.

"Don't be foolish, I have a carriage, save your energies for your rehearsals"

I talked him into it, he looked rather anxious entering the carriage, and even more so when he stepped out. The time in between I managed to make him smile and forget his nerves for a moment at least.

He kissed my cheek and thanked me, telling me to hold a moment. He returned swiftly with a bouquet of pale pink roses.

"Oh that is so sweet of you, where these meant for another?" I teased him.

"Ah yes, but I find you are more deserving of such a gift, and you will appreciate them more I believe. You have been so kind and helpful" he smiled, on that note, he walked back to his humble home.

I returned to the Castello with the flowers in hand, taking in their soft and sweet aroma as I wandered up toward my room. The sweetness of the flowers guised the bitterness running throughout these halls, and were a beautiful sight to behold, serving as a lovely distraction.

I walked in to find Cesare deep in concentration, his brow furrowed as he looked at maps and papers lining his once empty desk. He looked handsome so lost, and concentrated upon his work. I placed the flowers upon the bed. Then snuck up behind him, taking my hands to his tight shoulders, proceeding to rub them gently until he eased, groaning softly as the sensation soothed him. He groaned inwardly in frustration, grabbing my hand "I am pained to stop you my love, but I must focus. How went the rehearsal?"

"Well, they did a wonderful job tonight, I promised I would go to the first performance. But don't worry I said it would be only myself" I assured him.

He became rigid under my hands, and he looked rather annoyed by my words, I regarded him with confusion. "Did I say something wrong, Cesare?" I posed.

"You told a group of actors that your husband wouldn't accompany you?" He grimaced.

"They looked so nervous at the idea of you being there, so I assured them it would just be myself, I was trying to help ease their nerves, and not expect things of you" I pressed.

He pulled up about to explain my mistake when his eye caught the flowers "where did they come from?" He pressed.

"Oh Pietro got me then for helping with the rehearsal today, I thought it was sweet" I smiled, but my smile faded quickly when Cesare's expression became a mask of fury.

"Another man buys you flowers, and you tell a group of strangers your husband won't be at your side for an event, do you have any idea how this looks" he hissed.

Snatching the flowers from the bed, he proceeded to throw them out of the window. I watched them drift away "I don't understand what's going on here, he was just being kind"

He growled exasperated "must you be so naive, you're mine, no one should have cause to think otherwise. You will not be going to this play, you will give him your apologies, and that is it"

I thought to myself it was lucky I hadn't told him I had taken Pietro back to his home, to see his seething possessiveness show worried me, I did not wish to give him cause to get more annoyed. So I remained silent, not looking up at him. I calmed my nerves, and took to sleep, glad that Cesare hadn't pushed it. I was relieved that he continued his paperwork, I must have fallen asleep amidst my flurry of thoughts.

I awoke to find Cesare's arm wrapped around me, I had never had to deal with the irrational fears and jealousy of a partner before, I had wanted to shout him down call him a fool, but I didn't have the energy for a fight, and I didn't wish to ruin my night further.

I pulled up slowly untangling myself, looking out of the window, I saw the remanence of the scattered flowers, I sighed heavily. It would have been nicer to wake up and smell them, a little disappointed in myself and Cesare, feeling the fragility of our love more keenly. I sighed heavily, I had never wanted to be one cow towing to my husband's every whim, I was not the type to back down so easily. So I resolved should this matter reoccur that I would stand my ground, hoping I would not have to, but fearing it was inevitable.


	17. Fighting for rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds herself in a battle of wills

I cleaned myself up trying to forget how on edge Cesare's jealousy had put me, I dressed in a dress befitting a Borgia. I hated these dresses they were so restrictive while taking up so much space, drawing attention to you even if wanted to hide in the crowd. I stepped back into our room to find Cesare in his armour, I had always found the design unusual, but it flattered and protected him, so it eased my mind in that sense. 

He smiled as he gazed at me lovingly "you look lovely my dear, I will accompany you to the Templar meeting today, but I will not be staying. I need to meet backers, try to find more support beyond my father's reach" he whispered conspiratorially as if someone could hear us.

"Can I do anything?" I asked hoping it would be taken as an empty gesture, as I had no desire to be more involved, nor how to handle this deadly game.

"Yes, you can remain after our meeting our hear their true thoughts, I know your an expert at overhearing conversations. Don't think I missed your previous attempts, I am more observant than most" he gave me a sly smile.

My eyes widened realising I had been spotted, this made me worry about my skill for it. And I thought that becoming a Templar through no choice of my own was one thing, but to aid Cesare in his work was another. I smiled, he must have taken that tight smile as agreement, as he said nothing more upon the matter.

"Shall we go my love?" He offered his arm gallantly.

I took it, feeling a mild nausea, the sickness had not lasted too long thankfully, but I still felt it at times. I was starting to show, and my back would ache at times, but keeping busy helped.

Cesare led me into the hall, finding his backers swiftly, I pulled off to one side, looking up at the Windows, admiring patterns or that's how I wished it to appear. When Cesare left them, I took to my task, listening in on their concerns, some seemed concerned with the lack of his father's support, others wondered of Cesare's abilities to lead such an army. I felt defensive of Cesare, feeling an urge to march over and correct them, I contained my feelings and listened to the last of what they had to say before they left. I did not wish to relay this information to Cesare who I found awaiting me eagerly in the corridor, I looked to his imploring eyes. 

"Remember not to shoot the messenger" I added in a weary tone.

He still awaited the words eagerly "Well it sounds as if they are divided, some fear the lack of support from your father bodes ill, and others are not sure of your capability to organise such a military force" I winced as I finished relaying all the overheard information.

He sighed heavily, giving me a weak smile "Do not look so worried, you are only doing as I asked" he leant in and kissed my forehead softly.

He looked lost in thought when I stated "Surely there are previous victories, that you could reference to calm their fears?" 

I was dumbfounded, I wanted no part in this yet every word, and action dug me deeper into this mess. He turned his eyebrow raised, observing me curiously "You are more than I deserve" he smiled wildly as my words had obviously sparked something.

"I will see you later this evening" he called back as he marched away, the cape flowing as he rushed forth.

Once he disappeared from sight, I felt disappointed. I waited for the templars to begin to arrive, I found no comfort in realising that the templars in Rome were more organised than the assassins, and their power was far reaching. My poor luck it seems would continue as Rodrigo was one of the first to arrive, trying to see to it that I was forced to sit with him calling me "daughter" the term sounded wrong upon his lips. 

I couldn't have been more grateful for Gianni spiriting me away "Your holiness, I shall take your daughter in law as my charge, she will be safe in my company" he offered in explanation, not allowing time for a response, I could see he was not impressed. 

I was glad to have an ally if that s what he indeed was, either way, he had pulled me away from a man whose only intent was to manipulate, and intimidate me. 

I took my place among my supposed templar brothers, enjoying the banter that passed between Auerlo and Gianni. They were both kind, and considering their ages they were both rather progressive, actually listening to what I had to say rather than dismissing it off hand. I was impressed in a debate with Gianni over the power invested within the church when we realised all but us had left. "Well my dear this has indeed been inciteful, and a learning experience, there is more to you than Cesare told me, you have quite the radical and rebellious views. I look forward to our next debate, you may be more intriguing than your husband, don't tell him I said that" he joked, leaving me in the silence of the empty hall.

I was grateful Rodrigo had not waited for me in the hopes that he could exercise some power over me, I managed to escape his presence, only to run into Lucretia who did not look at all pleased "Pietro asked for you" she spat.

"We are only friends Lucrezia nothing more" I assured her, though only out of care to him not her.

"You can not have friends, especially not male friends, Cesare will not allow it, you will see soon enough, luckily I grow tired of Pietro, so I care not" she laughed at my apparent naivety.

"You are wrong" I hissed in response, but I worried there was a hint of truth to her usual bile.

"Oh really, if you feel such confidence tell Cesare how you took him home last night?" a dark smile crossing her face.

"How do you know?" I pressed.

"The guard told me everything, how close you two are getting, and how he gave you flowers. It would seem that any man in my life you intend to take from me" she sneered.

"I have taken no one from you, Pietro is a friend, maybe if you treated him with kindness, he would continue to fawn over you. As for your brother, he was not yours in the first place" I felt disgusted that I had to remind her of such things, I couldn't dwell upon the thought as it threatened to bring forth a wave of nausea. 

"Fine, I will tell Cesare, see what happens" her smile as cruel as her intent, I feared the repercussions, but she had to be wrong. 

When she stormed away, I focused upon seeing my friend, I wondered up to the small garden. He looked nervous, he was wringing his hands. He looked up and smiled widely, but the anxious edge remained "Did I upset Lucrezia?" he posed in a shaky voice.

"I think that would be her permanent state of being I am afraid, the mere mention of my name seems to have that effect" I answered honestly.

Pietro tried not to laugh, he took his hand to his mouth to guise his amusement. I smirked to myself. But I began to realise that despite the cruelty, Lucrezia's words should be heeded.

"Pietro it may not be the best idea for us to remain friends" I stated with a sadness in my tone, I did not want to lose my only connection beyond this place, but neither did I wish to put him in harms way should Lucrezia's cruel words be more than empty. 

"Don't say that, you were our good luck charm, never has a rehearsal ran so well before" he stressed.

"I am glad to hear that, but I think Cesare may not take kindly to our friendship, and I don't want you at risk" I sighed heavily, not wanting to let go of connections to the real world, but I couldn't stand the thought of them being severed. 

"Nonsense we are friends, surely your husband can not begrudge you such things" he placed a comforting hand upon my shoulder.

"Yes I am sure you are right" I stated hopeful.

"So you will come and see the rehearsal tonight? I would love to get your opinion" his kind eyes pleading with me.

"Ok you have talked me into it, don't keep me out too late" I teased.

"I wouldn't dream of it, I will have you back to your husband at the earliest convenience" he looked enthused once more, and he caught me in a gentle embrace before leaving.

I was left wondering if this was a good idea for either of us, but I knew the moment I stopped fighting the Borgias I would either become one of them or fall under their power and become a mere puppet.

I fixed myself up to leave for the play, Lucrezia caught me on my out "you are foolish to believe you can have a life beyond these walls, he won't allow it" she warned me in passing, her smile wicked.

I tried to shake the poison of her words, but they remained running through my mind upon the carriage ride. Much to my guards displeasure I again stopped to aid the homeless upon the streets, this reminded me of my old life, not letting me lose myself to the decadence of a richer life.

"Must we waste money and time on such people, Cesare would not approve" the guard grumbled as I took longer than usual.

"Cesare would support me, as any good I do reflects well upon us both. Should he wish to lead it is easier with the backing of the people is it not" I pressed.

"Just get moving" he grumbled.

"What is it that has you so on edge?" I mused.

"None of your business" he glowered, I could barely see it under his helm.

"Maybe I can help" I continued.

He sighed heavily "fine my wife is due any day now and I fear my work will have me miss it" 

"Shall we visit her now, see how she is doing" I offered.

"That is not on our route" he added surprised.

"It is now, let us make haste" I remarked as I stepped into the carriage.

We drew off the beaten track to a small village on the outskirts, their home was barely a hovel, which forced me to wonder how well they were paid given the role they took.

We stepped off, I told him to take the lead given it was his wife. He became nervous as he knocked. A poor exhausted heavily pregnant woman opened the door an inch, only to throw it open upon seeing her husband. She embraced him with difficulty given her protruding stomach, and small stature.

She looked wearily to me, I smiled in what I hoped was a friendly manner. "Who is this?" She strained.

The dark circles under her eyes and the obvious strain was like a preview of what would happen to myself, it made me nervous. Sleepless nights and pain awaited me, wonderful, knowing and seeing such things for yourself were certainly eye opening, and frightening.

"This is my employers wife" he stated formally.

"My name is Alessandra" I corrected him in jovial manner.

"Nice to meet you" she looked anxious by my mere presence now she knew.

She invited us inside, apologising for the state and size of the place, stating it was all they could afford.

"Stop apologising, it's fine" I assured her.

"But you must be used to such finery with your husband" she stressed.

"We are here to see how you are doing?" I tried to change the subject.

"Oh I fine but am due any day now" she strained holding to her stomach.

"I am not too far along myself" I smiled, realising I had spoken to no one of my pregnancy as if speaking of it made it real, and I had almost lost them once, I didn't want to be too hopeful until I held them in my arms.

The visit seemed to bring some cheer to the guard, who actually enjoyed the rehearsal, gladly aiding us. Pietro was as usual dramatic but he could pull it off without it taking away from his performance, I forgot Lucretia's warning and continued to build a friendship with Pietro. I was so busy enjoying myself I paid no heed to the time. Taking Pietro home again thinking nothing of it, it gave us more time to converse and laugh. It was nice to feel at ease in others company beyond Cesare, made me feel like I had a life and I could convince myself I was no longer a prisoner.

We paid a visit to the guards wife just so he could be assured that she slept soundly. I did not begrudge him the time with his wife, but I was beginning to feel anxious wondering how Cesare would react upon my late return.  
We finally pulled back up to the Castello, I tried to slip back in unnoticed which was not so easy given the number of staff. I pushed the bedroom door open slowly but it squealed in protest, I winced. But I found Cesare sitting in wait, my eyes widened upon seeing him.

"Why are you creeping in so late my love?" he pressed, a look of suspicion drawn across his face.

"I didn't want to wake you, I lost track of time, I am sorry" I tried to brush off his question.

"What were you doing all this time?"

"Wondering Roma, if my husband is to rule, I must see our kingdom must I not, and I often forget how vast it is" I felt guilty lying to him, and the ease with which it left my lips was worrying, but sadly it felt necessary.

"I knew you would understand" he smiled.

"How goes convincing your backers?" I pressed with genuine intrigue.

"Well, thanks to you my love" him crediting me with a victory for the templar order which backed his actions made me ill at ease, I forced a smile in return.

I wondered over to him, he took my hand kissing my hand softly, pulling me to him. Upon my knees before him he kissed me with a forceful passion, I could barely breathe, I was forced to break the kiss just to catch my breath.

I traced my fingers over his thighs, peeling down his trousers, I knew this was the easiest way to relax him, and I did enjoy the sounds that escaped his lips as I took him into my mouth. I took him in hand slowly pumping his twitching cock, delighting in his soft moans. Feeling him harden under my knowing touch aroused me, I took my tongue over the sensitive head, teasing him, his gasps only encouraged me. I finally took him into my mouth, taking him deep. I glided my tongue over his length as I sucked gently, using my hand to pump his cock as I tasted, sucked and teased, giving him a multitude of sensations. I took it slow controlling his build toward orgasm, feeling him harden. I slowed making him wait for his release, his frustration finally too much he exclaimed in a breathy tone "Alessandra please"

I enjoyed a wicked smile to myself before I gave in, my grip became firmer, and I added more speed and force to the suction, but still teasing at the throbbing head with my tongue. He came hard, growling out his climax. I swallowed his cum, lapping any remaining arousal. He tremored as my tongue teased at his sensitive head. I released him with a satisfied smile upon my lips.

He caught my arm before I could pass him, his breath still ragged "Do not keep me waiting again, you may be able to test the heights of pleasure, but do not test my patience" he warned.

The edge remained between us, as if we were trying to prove who was in charge. I let him believe it was him. "I won't my love. I hope this was worth the wait" I smiled.

"No, I need to hear you cry out my name only then will I be satisfied" he purred dragging me to him.

He returned the favour, also cruelly with holding until I begged him to take me. Both sweaty and satisfied we lay in each other's arms, when he held me like this and spoke of his love and adoration, I could always assure myself we would be fine.


	18. A man I could love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds so many contradictions, but as the months pass things change

I awoke to find Cesare gone, this was not uncommon, but still my heart strained as I worried for his safety. I dragged myself up, placing my feet to the cold ground, letting it sooth my aching feet, stretching my toes. I found myself in a daze staring at my feet as if they were of great interest, I snapped out of it and pulled up. I got ready on autopilot, I was however starting to find my clothes getting tighter, I grimaced recalling the poor guard's wife, that would be me in time.

I was at a loss as to what to do with my time, unsure if there was a meeting, my thoughts felt a little sporadic. I wondered toward the hall to find it vacant, I sighed with relief to know I wouldn't be reprimanded, so Rodrigo would have no reason to chastise me. I wondered down toward the front gate, nodding to the guards as I passed. I pressed my hands to the doors wondering if anyone would stop me leaving. Raised voices caught my attention, so I found myself focusing upon them, wondering only a little bit closer "Oh come now you have told me things in the past" Lucrezia purred.

"Well that ends now I can't betray my master or his wife" the guard warned her. "No guard will do so from now on you will find" he took some joy in giving her the news.

I could only imagine her face, I wanted so much to see it but this but this was a conversation I was not intended to hear, but it was good to know that there were some decent people within these walls. I wondered back to the gate pressing my hand to it, it wouldn't budge. I had forgotten the mechanisms, I was about to walk over to the first when Lucrezia angered from her charm offensive failing spat "oh please you think you can come and go as you please, you are not his wife, you are his property." She took no small joy in relaying this to me.

"What has upset you? dear sister." I stated with a practiced false cheer I had sadly been forced to learn here.

"Sister?" She looked to me with confusion and fury, this only amused me further. I should have not played her game, as I was not like her, she had been brought up in a strange and twisted environment, even on the streets I had been surrounded by more decent folk than she had living here. Despite the pity I felt for her, I could not forget what she had done to my first friend and ally within these walls, I would one day see her pay dearly. I stayed my hand only for Cesare, and the unborn child who didn't deserve to suffer her wrath. Like a petty child, she would lash out if she couldn't get what she wanted. Both Lucrezia and Cesare must have been used to getting what they wanted so to be denied was an affront to them, I had to deal with the irrational off my husband, but not her, I had no need or desire to satisfy her whims. So I walked away from her, ignoring her protests and calls for me to not turn my back on her. I continued to the guard that had been assigned as my personal guard beyond these walls. I smiled upon catching his eye, he waved.

"Do you care to leave these walls?" I offered.

"Yes that would be nice." He exclaimed.

"We could visit your wife if you like." I suggested, tilting my head to gauge his response under his helm.

"You are too kind, I don't want her getting used to such attention, she will demand it." He joked.

"Ah we can't have that now can we, let us go and you can blame me, after all, I need to know what I will soon be suffering" I grimaced at the thought, the exhaustion and strain upon her face on our visit was not encouraging.

"Will this not cause you bother?" he remarked looking to me with uncertainty in his gaze.

"Do not worry, who will know." I dropped to a conspiratorial hush, smiling to assure him.

He was not convinced but he had no choice but to follow an order, so I presented it as such. We were soon leaving the gate, I breathed a sigh of relief, I did love leaving the Castello. But as we approached his home, I was hit with an anxiety as the mere sight of her frightened me knowing that was yet to come. I stepped out with some trepidation, letting the guard take the lead. He pulled the helm free of his head, this was the only time I could look him in the eye directly. She took some time to reach the door, surprised but pleasantly to see him, and she didn't look shaken by my company this time, as she ushered us in, then waddling after us. Getting as comfortable as one can in furniture with cold and hard edges. He was so attentive to her, I only saw flashes of such devotion from Cesare, I envied them as there was nothing holding them back or complicating their feelings for one another, it was simple, it was beautiful.

"I have been so glad of you Mrs Borgia sneaking my love to me." her smile wide and crooked.

"Alessandra please" I protested feeling strange being referred to by that name, I rarely associated myself with them, or saw myself as one of them, so to be called such was not something that made me feel comfortable.

"Alessandra, you will make a wonderful mother, do not doubt it." She remarked out of the blue, but it tapped into one of greatest fears, that I wasn't ready, and that I wouldn't know how to be a mother. I felt taken back by her kind assurance, not sure how to respond I just looked to her wide-eyed. "It is not a new fear, every mother suffers from such doubts, but what I have seen of you, and been told of you, you are a good soul." My cheeks flushed, I felt embarrassed by the compliment, feeling rather uncomfortable.

I could only manage a basic return "Thank you, what are the later months like?" I asked in a shaky tone.

"I don't think you want me to answer that." She strained.

"Hmm, maybe not." I laughed awkwardly.

"It will all be worth it to hold that miracle trust me" she assured me with a gentle smile.

I allowed them some time alone, leaving and making my way to Pietro's with no idea if he would be home, as how he spent his days was a mystery to me, as what did actors do with the time between plays and rehearsals, maybe I would find out. I was exhausted by the time I reached his home, I rapped my knuckles upon the door half expecting no response. I was shocked to find him home upon sight of me he exclaimed " you look exhausted. Come in. Please sit down." He ushered me to a chair, aiding me to sit.

"Thank you" I breathed heavily. "I am rather surprised to see you home." I remarked as I recovered my breath.

"Oh were you not told" He added grimly.

"No. What is it?" I pressed, feeling concerned.

"I was told I could not have the coliseum or anywhere to perform the play, so I am at a loss as to what to do with myself" he confessed with a heavy sigh.

"What?" I exclaimed in annoyance and confusion. "Why?" I asked feeling taken back this turn of events.

"Why do the Borgia's do anything?" he grumbled. A look of panic soon crossed his face when he realised who he was talking to. "I am sorry, I didn't mean." He stammered.

"Calm down Pietro, I am not Lucrezia. I know what they can be like." I assured him.

He calmed down a little, his annoyance still evident as he continued to pace. "I could speak to Cesare" I offered.

"No. Please do not trouble yourself, I do not want you bearing his wrath, I would never forgive myself" he exclaimed.

"He wouldn't hurt me." I remarked hastily, feeling flustered by the insulation. I still wanted to believe the best of Cesare despite what I knew.

"I am sure he would not." He smiled awkwardly.

The afternoon passed in strained silence and stilted conversation, neither of us quite knowing what to say to the other. But I had made up my mind to press Cesare for an explanation if not for Pietro, for myself.

The knock at the door was a welcome interruption, both of us glanced at each other before I pulled up. "I am sorry." He added hastily before I left.

"As am I" I embraced him gently, the strain seemed to lessen, but it remained as I left.

I took to the carriage, just wanting this day to be over. When we returned to the Castello, I was not happy at the sight of it, but I yearned to rest my tired mind, and aching feet.

As I stepped out I ventured "How is your wife?" with a weak smile.

"She is thankful to you." he smiled gently before donning his helm.

I wondered back into another world, one I had never acclimated to, but still found myself lost within. I sighed heavily, straining up the stairs, finally upon reaching our room I pressed the door open, thankful for the emptiness that greeted me. I took to my bed, dropping down , pulling the covers high, and before exhaustion took me, I felt Cesare's arms take around me. I could have chosen that moment to question him, but I did not wish to ruin the simple beauty of this moment. So I just enjoyed the closeness. A wave of emotion took me when he whispered "I love you both, and I will make you proud"

I awoke the next morning to find him gone, I sighed finding I missed him. 

The next few months continued uneventful, the guard's wife had her baby, a boy, Antonio. That was the last time I ventured beyond the Castello walls, and the joy I saw silenced my fears. He comes up and tells me of how much he has grown, as he knows the exhaustion leaves me bed ridden on certain days. It is always nice to see him and hear of his little miracle. 

Cesare seems more at ease and content since I stop venturing out, and has become more attentive, and tries to spend as much time can me as he could. I was feeling like I could truly love this man and have future with him.

I was going to surprise him knowing how hard he was working, and instead I walk in to find a man creeping up on Cesare with a blade in hand, I take the bottle of wine in hand and crash it over the head of the would-be assassin. Cesare jolts up, taking his blade in hand, looking to me panicked as the assassin reels but recovers from the glancing blow, he edges toward me, seeing me as the easy target. Cesare runs him through with speed, and efficiency. The man drops to ground, but the stress of the shock make me follow soon after.

I awake in my bed feeling feverish, taking my hand to my bump. "The baby?" I strain.

"They are fine. How do you feel my love?" Cesare presses a cool hand to my damp brow.

"I think it was just a little overwhelming" I admit a little embarrassed, considering I have dealt with much worse. But I realise I had never had so much to lose before, it was frightening to think of what could have been if I had not walked in when I did.

I drag Cesare to me "I was afraid for you" I sobbed into the crook of his neck.

"Oh my love, I am an adept fighter. I feared for you both, you were just so far away for me to shield." His voice heavy with emotion.

"Are we safe here?" I stammer.

"I do not know. But I will find out who is responsible." He declares, holding to me tightly.


	19. A growing fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the attacks continue Cesare and Alessandra struggle to see a way out

The attacks continued at an alarming rate, both myself and Cesare no longer felt safe in our own home. Cesare wouldn't say it but I could see the weariness upon his handsome face, he rarely left my side for fear they would get to me. We were barely able to console each other as just when we felt safe it would happen again. We tried to leave but found this to be even more dangerous and trying, we felt trapped, the stress was taking its toll on us. Cesare was becoming paranoid that there were plots against him everywhere and I could not blame him for feeling this way. He began to worry me as his eyes took on that wild look, I had only seen him like this once before, it was after he had held the apple. It had done something to him, he had always been ambitious but this artifact seemed to push this to extremes that I had observed ebbing away until the day these attacks started. He was now lusting for power, as he was convinced it would protect us. He felt he had failed me and our unborn child when assassins managed to draw close enough to strike fear into me, forcing me to beg for my life and that of my child's unashamedly. I would have gladly fought, but the risk was too great. Cesare had dispatched many of these opportunists, but he was tired, he barely slept, so when he called me to leave the room I could not, I would protect my husband. A handful of those times he had needed me, and despite my fear I was glad to have been there to prevent them gaining the upper hand. He would admonish me for it "Why can you not listen?" He would hiss in frustration.

Each and every time my response would be "Our child needs us both. I could not in good conscience leave you to an assassin's blade." Tears of delayed shock and fear would begin to surface, and I would always hold to my stomach to assure myself my child was still living, I could not breathe again until I was sure.

 

"No man can kill me." He would dismiss my concern.

This response worried me, him thinking himself invincible. These delusions only added to my list of concerns, which seemed to be growing too numerous to count. All of this stress luckily did not bring an early labour, in fact it was late. I joked "Stubborn as their father." That was the only time I saw Cesare smile. His fixed expression of late was that of concentration, his brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over, lost to this world.

The pain pre-empting the birth worried me, I thought something was wrong, but I was assured this was normal. It was a long, painful and exhausting experience, that would all be worth it when I held my child in my arms. The exhaustion of the past few months must have worn upon me as it was difficult to keep my eyes open, the declaration of "it's a boy" roused me from my daze.  
Cesare looked so happy, yet pain lingered in his eyes, I thought nothing of it. He was passed to me, he was so small, it was hard to describe the strange elation, and connection to this little gift in my arms. I did not have nearly enough time before the exhaustion wore me down again. Cesare took him carefully from my arms "Rest my love, he will be safe." He kissed my sweat laden forehead softly.

I did not want to rest, but my body betrayed me.

I awoke sometime later in a daze, my head swimming, the only thought was I wanted to see my son. My vision blurred as I scoured the room for a sign of him or Cesare, but I was alone. A panic began to rise in my chest. I called out "Cesare?"

I received no answer, I began to feel as though I had not woken up but was in some strange nightmare. I sat in a strange void, feeling unable to move, as once again my body betrayed me. Finally, after what seemed like an age Cesare appeared, his arms empty, this sparked a bone-chilling fear within me. "Where is our son?"

He did not answer me, he sat beside me, unable to meet my pleading eyes. He simply told me "He is safe."

"Where is he?" I cried.

"He was not safe here with us, and it was easier that this choice was mine. The burden of letting him go was too much for me, I did not wish you to suffer as I have." His voice cracked with emotion. He held to me, but he would not look me in the eye.

I felt a fury spark within me. "How dare you." I was shaking with rage.

"You could not have made this choice, I know you would have clung to him. He is safer away from our way of life" He implored me to see reason. I could see his pain but I could not empathize, I felt as though he had betrayed me in the worst way possible, giving me but a brief moment with my son before snatching him from me.

"Get out you, how could you do this to me? I barely had a moment. Bring him back!" The pain in my chest and tightness in my throat grew with each word, I could see I was wounding him, but I was too furious to care.

He left looking broken, and I still couldn't stop my tirade of abuse. He had torn out my heart and given it away. It hurt so much, the void grew without my son in my arms. "We could have kept him safe, we could have found a way." I sobbed to myself holding to my pillow as the agony bore through me.

I screamed and cried until my voice was gone, and my eyes ran red. I couldn't understand why this was happening, I had feared I would make an awful mother, but I had been willing to face up to the responsibility. The overwhelming love and loss I now felt was a cruel and twisted joke.

I did not leave my room or move much, the pain was too much to bare. I refused to allow Cesare in, so we both suffered alone. I still hated him for making such a decision without me. 

Cesare had had enough of being walled out after weeks dragged into months, so he barged into the room with a fury equal to mine. "This is not your pain alone. I too suffer."

I scoffed at his declaration. "I question my choice, but I know it was the right choice. These assassins wore us down, and were professionals of the highest calibre, how could we protect him from that?" He pressed, his shoulders slumped, and he sighed heavily.

"We could have found a way, we could have left Rome" I tried desperately, knowing that was not an option for him.

"So I would have lost you, either way, I would have lost someone I love. And you would not be safe, they were sent for us both. So a life on the run from whoever these men were, that is not a life I want for you or my son. This way he is safe, it breaks my heart too but I would rather him safe than soothe my pain." He finished dropping down into a chair, his eyes glancing to me awaiting my continued rage.

But he was right, we needed to track down this threat, neutralize it, then we could have our son back, knowing he would be safe to return to the loving arms of his parents. I took to the bed that I had barely left, sitting down upon it, I had been lost, I still was, but I would not give in to the pain, I had to find a way to get him back. In a hoarse voice, I ventured. "Could we not track down this threat, and neutralize it?" I asked not wanting to sound too hopeful.

"You think this would be the last threat?. When I rule Italia I will be subject to worse, and you would both be targets." He sighed heavily, he sounded as deflated and broken as I.

I didn't know what to say, all I wanted was my son back. "I want him back"

"As do I" he remarked in a pained voice.

He pulled up and took me in his arms. I did not fight him away, I pulled him close, held him tightly, I gasped realising I could lose him too, I did want that nor could I take that. I looked up into his sad eyes "I don't want to lose you too"  
He cupped my face in his hand "You are my love, my queen. I would never leave you."

He pulled me back into a warm embrace, it brought me some small comfort. His arms protectively encircling me, it was a comfort to be close to him, and knowing he was safe, even if it was just for now.

Our relationship was strained, even though we still loved each other, we felt something was missing, and we both knew who that was. I did not want to but I found myself blaming him, it showed in my frosty manner with him. Cesare began to slowly spend more time away from me after the attacks seemed to cease. He spent more time waging war, he seemed consumed by what he called his destiny. I was convinced that he had taken to using the artefact for its suppose insight, and this worried me, as it seemed to be slowly taking away any good qualities he had. I once again felt alone in the Castello, I continued trying to track our son but with so little resources afforded to me, and my husband hiding within his need for power rather than grieving or helping me, it felt hopeless.

Pietro returned to the Castillo during these lonely months, we sat in the small garden upon the roof, he shifted nervously before beginning "I am sorry I have not been to see you, I know Cesare's actions are not yours. The play is being allowed to go forward."

I smiled weakly. He took my hand imploring me to look to him, and when I looked to ground, he pressed with concern "Are you ok?"

I was not, but how do you tell someone your child was taken from you without your consent, and your husband had now retreated into his twisted need for power. I had had something, and it could have been so much more, but this was destroying us, what was left. So I just looked at him and stated. "Yes I am fine."

He wasn't convinced but saw pressing me would be fruitless, so he offered an olive branch. "I would love your help with the play again, you were a wonderful presence to have around"

I wanted to dismiss his trivial play, I had more pressing matters, but I found myself saying yes. I realised that other things to occupy my time would be a welcome distraction, so I spent all my time aiding Pietro, weeks of preparation, and attending Templar meetings.   
At first they at the templar meetings they were happy to see me return but after a time they seemed to fall silent which concerned me, I pressed them for a reason behind their behaviour and found they were worried for a good friend, they had not seen him for some time, they knew him to be a friend of Cesare's so they asked me to ask him, little did they know we were estranged. I agreed as I did not wish anyone to know our struggles, our problems were ours.

I had no idea as to when I would see him again, but upon my late return to the Castillo after aiding with the last run through of the play, I found him waiting for me in our room. "Where have you been?" He pressed with a tone of suspicion.

I looked to him through narrowed eyes, a fury flared within me, how dare he question me. "You can not be serious, you are rarely here." I spat in response.

He shot up "You know where I am, and what I am doing, it is our destiny to rule, and I will see to it. But you what has you out this late, or who?" He growled his eyes steely and fixed upon me.

"How dare you, save your paranoia for your real enemies." I hissed, shaking with rage.

"Answer the question." He barked like an order.

"I am not one of your guards or soldiers you can not give me orders." I snapped.

"You will show me the respect I deserve, you're my wife or have you forgotten."

"I think you will find it is you who has forgotten how to be a husband." I declared.

He tore over upon that statement grabbing my wrists, for a moment I was afraid of him, I saw the cruel and twisted man all of Italia was claiming him to be. I swallowed hard, trying to hold his harsh glare. His expression softened when he realised what he was doing. His grip around my wrists loosened but he did not release them, he held me in place. "I am sorry, I just feel as though I am losing everything that matters. You know I love you." He sounded so sincere I couldn't help but be moved by his words, so I looked up at him.

I pulled him into a bittersweet gentle kiss, I missed us. A tear coursed down my cheek, I quickly wiped it away. I was about to break the kiss, when Cesare pulled me against him, gripping the back of my neck forcing a deeper desperate and urgent kiss. I did not respond at first, we had been so distant, this no longer felt natural. I returned his kiss, but there was no longer a sense of connection between us, it felt like just another pleasant distraction from the pain we both refused to talk about.  
He broke the kiss and studied my face with an unnerving scrutiny, his fingers tracing my cheek, I took his hand. It felt as though for a moment that we were both on the verge of saying something, but I was afraid to talk less it devolve into another argument, and the sadness in his eyes said it all. 

He pulled away, but he pulled me toward his desk, turning me away from him, this was in such opposition to the loving gaze he had upon me only moments ago. He pressed his lips to my neck, gently grazing his teeth across the nape of my neck, this sent shivers through my body, his touch was rough, and his manner was not loving as he bent me over the desk, he forced my legs apart. Part of me was thrilled by this, another art of me was crying out for the man I had begun to love to return to me. I let the urge rising within me take hold, I wanted to forget, so I focused on his fingers sliding between my legs, I groaned as he traced over my clit. He pushed his fingers inside of me, growling as my arousal coated them, he seemed satisfied that I was wet enough. Pulling his fingers out, he dragged up my skirts, thrusting deep inside me, I braced as the forceful thrust hurt for only moments before it passed, I may as well have been a stranger to him given the manner in which he fucked me. His rhythm was forceful, I gripped the desk in an attempt to steady myself. He slammed into me, gripping my hips tightly with no care as to the marks it would leave. 

The friction his thrusts created sent a rush of pleasure throughout my body, it was a swift but enjoyable climax. I cried out arching my back pressing my hips to his, this was enough to draw him to the release he was so desperately seeking. He groaned in an animalistic manner I had never heard from him before, it was both arousing and heartbreaking to hear. This was the type of passion reserved for one time encounters, this had done nothing but distract us for a short time. 

He pulled out swiftly releasing me, I recovered myself and turned to face him. It was then I felt as though the distance between us was now expansive, crossing the room to the bed felt like it was quite a distance. Even when I took to his arms I felt no closer to him, I wept silently, he said nothing of it, showing no concern for my pain, and I feared to acknowledge him as I didn't want to push him further away and lose him too, that thought led to fear gripping my heart so tight it was painful, and I couldn't breathe, so I to remained silent.

It was only just as I was drifting he broke his silence "No one will take you from me." he stated in an unnerving manner. 

He kissed my forehead softly. I did not know what to say, but he was starting to worry me, but I was no longer sure that I could reach him.


	20. The truth will set you free?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth of many things come to pass

I was planning upon going to see Pietro's play. I recalled Cesare's warning against going some time ago, and was unsure if it still applied. I dared not ask, as to continue to walk these halls thinking would destroy me. The small resources I had were spent upon finding my son. The silence upon the matter was soul crushing and there was still no word. So I readied myself, dressing in a less obvious attire so not to draw attention, no Borgia colors. I would have returned to Templar meetings but I had been cast adrift there, and to hear people speculating over my husband’s alleged behavior would only add to my troubles, and add to this sense of growing loneliness.

Pietro was a friend. At his play, I would be in good company. So I made an effort to sneak out unseen, recalling all my training. I was a little rusty, and climbing was a little more tiring than I recalled, but I escaped.

I found myself making my way through Roma as one of its citizens, no guards in sight. It was nice to lose myself in the crowds. I was anonymous, I could run, but I no longer yearned to escape. I only wanted to leave if I had no choice, whether Cesare was a man I could love no longer mattered, I loved him. I could not bring myself to leave him, only if I was certain he was lost to me, even then it would not be easy to walk away.

I had to focus my mind elsewhere, so I took to Pietros. I felt guilty that I had nothing to aid those in need I saw upon my travels. I had to pass them by with nothing but a cursory glance as if I did not see them, just like everyone else did.

I tried not to let my mind wonder, but as I walked I wondered how my son was, where and in whose care. I could only hope he was safe and wanted for nothing but the love of his parents. I would find him, I had to. I couldn’t bare the possibility that he too was lost to me

Tears tracked my cheeks, I wiped them away swiftly as I approached Pietro’s. I knocked upon the door. He took some time to answer.

"Alessandra, thank god it's you. I am beside myself with worry. This must go without a hitch if I am to be taken seriously," he was forced to take a deep breath.

"Take another breath, Pietro. I am here to help," I assured him with a gentle smile.

His panicked rants continued the entire way to the coliseum. I was glad of the distraction. Oh, to worry of such simple matters would be a blessing. I listened intently, trying to allay his fears where possible.

Taking the final run through, I noticed a strange man, he was new to me and to the play. His face was stern, his dark eyes focused in a disturbing manner. "May I ask who you are?" I pressed him.

He turned to me, his eyes cutting into me. He looked down upon me as if I was nothing but an annoyance. "I am just an actor," he proclaimed in a hollow voice.

I could clearly tell acting was not his forte. He did not hide his distaste well. I did not care to be in his company, I was weary of him, and I kept my eye upon him. I only lost him for a moment when aiding Pietro with his lines.

It was time for the play to start. The place was abuzz with energy and expectations. Actors hoping to have their effort and craft acknowledged, nobles hoping to entertained, believers wishing to see their lord portrayed well.

I took to the crowd, hiding amongst the nobles, thankful that none recognized me, or even noted my presence. I was nervous for Pietro despite my own troubles, I knew he had worked hard, and loved what he did.

Everything seemed to run smoothly, the crowd captivated, but something seemed off to me. It was then that chaos broke loose, people running and screaming. "Assassin, run!"

It could not be Ezio, surely?, I searched the faces of those racing in each direction but I couldn't see his face. I noticed Pietro was missing. I charged out hoping to see a sign of what had occurred, I saw a flash of white robes fade into the distance. I rushed over to where I had seen them, to find a doctor plying his trade. I had to look at the patient twice before I realized.

"Pietro?" I cried.

He lifted his head slowly, it was him. I rushed over. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I am fine," He stated pointedly.

"What am I missing here?" I declared feeling unsure as to what had occurred or why Pietro sounded angry with me.

"You really have no idea, do you? Do you truly not see the kind of man you married?" He exclaimed.

"What has Cesare to do with this?" I pressed still none the wiser.

"Your husband tried to poison me," He declared. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Why would he do such a thing?" I cried feeling defensive of him, still clinging to that hope.

"He thinks I am trying to take you from him."

"That is ridiculous!" I cried. As my mind raced. I found a rage begin to burn within me. His strange behavior, his words I had thought loving were instead words spoken of paranoia. I couldn’t believe he would do this, it made no sense. How dare he not trust me? I was reeling from one extreme to another. "I will speak to Cesare, this can not have been him."

Pietro grabbed my hand as I turned to leave. I was so furious that I was confused for a moment as to why I couldn't motion forward.

"Don't confront him please, I fear for you." He pleaded.

"He would not hurt me." I added set upon returning to the Castillo to confront him, this madness would end now.

"Will he be okay?" I asked the doctor.

"He will recover," He assure me.

Pietro pulled me back. "Please do not go back to him. You are not one of them, you're too good," he begged. His eyes pleading with me to stay at his side.

"I must speak to Cesare," I stated as if I was trying to convince myself of that fact.

"Please see reason, I care for you. Don't go back to him."

"I must, he is my husband. Where would I go?" I stammered feeling confused.

"You could stay with me," he offered. His fingers stroking my hands.

I narrowed my eyes and snatched my hands-free. "Is Cesare right about you?" I found myself accusing the poor man in his weakened condition. I assured myself he would tell me I was being a fool, as was my husband, simply irrational jealousy.

The silence became strained, I had to break it. "Why do you not deny it?" I pressed.

"Must we do this now? here?" He strained.

"Cesare was right? I thought we were friends Pietro?" I exclaimed feeling like a fool to not have noticed, to have been taken in.

"Yes. We are friends but I know you're a good woman and know you deserve better. I would treat you as you deserve to be treated," he confessed.

This was too much for me, my eyes widened upon him. I ran, leaving him in with the doctor, there could be no safer place for him. I made way at speed back to the Castillo. I took a horse from a nearby stable, promising to return it as the owner cursed my name and tried to chase me down.

I returned, the guards looking rather confused, and worried. "Do not worry, nothing will be known of this." I declared as they let me in, their eyes wide with fear for their jobs and their lives. That was the final straw.

I charged in. “Where is Cesare?” I pressed the first guard I saw.

“He is upstairs with the pope,” He told me in haste.

I continued my charge up, passing Lucrezia who also seemed to be in a hurry. Her face was that of pure concentration. I did not care for her troubles, I charged passed her, breaking her of her reverie. She called after me. “Alessandra you must warn Cesare. Our father intends to poison him,” she cried.

I felt my blood run cold, my rage dissipated. I had a choice. I felt shame for thinking it, but I wondered if I should leave Cesare to suffer after what he himself had done, it would be ironic for it to be his own undoing. Despite the thoughts running through my head I had not slowed my charge, in fact, I had only gained momentum. I charged in, not caring for their argument. I found the words left my lips before I could even consider them. "Cesare he means to poison you," I cried as I rushed in behind Cesare. I ran to his side. "You need a doctor," I told him. He ignored my plea his eyes set upon his father.

"What is wrong with you how could you do such a thing to your son, to me, how could you be so cruel?"

"To you?" he echoed as if confused.

"You poisoned me." I hissed, annoyed by his denial.

"Oh is that what he let you believe. No. He found out that was his sister and decided to withhold the truth evidently," he laughed.

I felt my head was spinning, this family knew no human decency. I turned to Cesare feeling betrayed by the secrecy. "Why didn't you tell me? she almost killed me, and our child," I cried. My hands were beginning to shake. I couldn't stop the tears that flooded my eyes, and the lump in my throat made it difficult to breathe.

"I couldn't let you hurt her."

"So you defend her even now. She hurt me, and our son. But I suppose that doesn't matter?!" I spat feeling my pain turn to fury.

"She is my sister." He whimpered in a pathetic fashion.

"I am your wife." I snapped. "So am I nothing to you?"

"No." He cried. "You are everything to me. Can you not see that?" He stressed grabbing my hands trying to force me to look him in the eye. I couldn't look at him, I pulled my face free of his reaching fingers. I did not care for the pain it caused, he deserved worse.  
"Don't think you are free to leave father," Cesare warned his father as he tried to slip away hoping our focus was too fixed upon each other.

Nothing felt like it made sense to me anymore, my world was crumbling around me. I wanted to run from the room. I couldn't leave Cesare's side despite the anger, I was still worried for him.

"Please, Cesare you must come and see a doctor." I strained. The pain in my throat growing with each word. He refused, adamant to speak to his father, to what end I had no idea. "Why would you try to kill your own son? You realize he is your child?" I felt the need to remind him as Rodrigo didn't seem to grasp that fact.

"Believe me I am aware he is my son! All too readily he drags my name through the mud, a name I brought to power, a name once feared and now spoken in jest. My son has ruined my good name, my legacy. Then he has the audacity to take up with an assassin, and request that I keep her under my roof. The both of you are a burden I intended to be rid of, but my assassins failed."

"It was you?" Cesare cried. He looked so betrayed and destroyed by his father's unintended confession. "You set them upon us? Why?" He cried in a broken voice.

"I had to teach you a lesson. It was clear I could not reason with either of you. She is fool enough to love you. But I know what you both are. And the two of you were not worthy to be parents. I had to force your hand. Show you that to cross me had consequences."

I knew the last few words were for me. I felt my body run cold. I had finally found who had taken my son from me. I was speechless for a moment, I couldn't move. I felt as though the whole world slowed. I was trapped in this vile place, I had been drawn into their madness, their twisted game. The price was so high. My heart lurched, a wave of nausea took me. I felt the room spin and I staggered, the spell broken.

I lashed out finding my hands fall short of his throat, Cesare was holding me back. “Cesare, please. Let me kill him.” I spat, raving like a mad dog. I had never felt so angry. I wanted to tear him to shreds.

I couldn’t believe his father could be so cruel. I was horrified and furious. He would not get away with this. “Hush my love, I will deal with him.” He assured me.

Only then did I settle. Cesare released me, moving in front of me. “Where is our son?”

“I do not know,” He stated plainly.

“Tell me where our son is now!!!” He demanded, his voice straining with his rage.

“Safe. Away from the two of you,” He spat with a cruel curl of his lip.

His smile faded as Cesare began to draw closer, looming over him. “Tell me where our son is our old man!” He hissed.

“I do not know,” He reiterated.

“Tell me!” Cesare roared.

“I do not know!” He cried, looking weary of his son drawing closer.

Cesare took his hands to his father's throat in a sudden forward lunge. I watched as Rodrigo gasped, his arms flailed but he ultimately failed to fight off his son. He looked to me in desperation. I had no intention of helping him. I desired to watch him die, watch the fear and light fade from his eyes. All of those nights I had spent broken for the loss of my son, he deserved to pay for inflicting such pain. The struggle had stopped, he was resigned to his fate. Cesare held to his throat even after he became still and silent as if he had to be sure he was dead, that his inference in our lives was truly over. He released him watching him crash to ground, looking upon him as if he were a just a stain upon the floor.

“Cesare?” I called to him.

He did not respond, he was still staring down at his father. I took my hand to his shoulder. “Cesare?” I pressed.

He turned swiftly as if startled by my presence. “Alessandra?”

“How do we find our son?” I pressed, no longer holding back.

“I have been trying, using every resource at my disposal, but I have failed.” His shoulders slumped as the rage faded and gave way to grief.

It warmed my heart to know even in his silence he had been doing all he could, but we were no closer. It was exhausting.

Cesare looked lost in thought before he declared. “The apple will aid us in finding him.”

“No Cesare, that thing is poison! Look at all it has done to you already,” I pleaded.

“This is the only way,” He stated in a voice heavy with emotion.

“No, we can find him together, just us. We need to leave this place it will be the death of us. Come with me Cesare,” I insisted.

I knew that if we stayed here his mind would be destroyed by this apple, and I would have to watch as he slipped away from me. I looked to him hoping that he would see reason.

“I cannot leave, this is my destiny. Our destiny, to rule together,” He declared.

“I do not wish to rule, I just want you! Please, how can you not see what this artifact has done to you? All your family has done? We need to be away from all of this, start afresh,” I state, hoping he would finally see what was best for us both, abandon this supposed destiny.

“I can’t leave. Will you stay here with me?” He began to plead.

“I cannot stay here not after this; your family has only seen to ruin us, to ruin you. We need to escape their influence.”

“It will be different now, I will be the one in control with the apple, I will be unstoppable.” The wild look that returned to his eyes worried me.

“No! That thing will ruin you, it already has you paranoid. It is dangerous.”

Cesare winced in pain, leaning forward. “Damn it. Alessandra, I need you at my side! I will not have anyone take anything from me again,” He declared with a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Cesare you need a doctor. Forget the apple, it is not important,” I stated, frustrated by his fixation but concerned for him.

“No. I will find the apple, then our son.”

“You have that the wrong way around. Please abandon this madness, come with me to see a doctor. Then we can leave together.”

“We stay here together.” He demanded.

I looked to him hoping that he was not serious. But his expression was determined, with a crazed edge to it. I sighed heavily. I loved him and I wanted to remain at his side but I could see how this was going to end. The artifact had already done enough damage, it would consume him. I could not stay and watch him destroy himself. It pained me to think of life without him, but after all, I had suffered here, I could not remain.

“I cannot stay here. I can’t watch you fade. I love you but if I must lose you, then I must walk away.”

“You will not leave me!” He sounded like he was barking an order.

I looked to him again needing to be sure he was being serious, I was shocked to see the unwavering severe look upon his face.

“You can’t order me. I have to leave, I have stayed too long. I have lost enough.”

“You will not be going anywhere!” That almost sounded like a threat as he caught my arm in his hand, dragging me to him.

I tried to pull free of his grip, this only forced him to tighten it. He was beginning to frighten me. “Let go, Cesare, you’re hurting me,” I strained as I continued to try and break free.

He backed me to the wall, pinning me to it. He did not plead, he did not reason, he threatened me. “If I can’t have you, no man will.”

“What?” I yelped. He had lost his mind.

I attempted to push forward, but he held me in place. "Do not do this," I begged.

I felt his hands take to my throat. "Please, Cesare stop this madness," I continued to beg, hoping he would realize what he was doing.

The cold and distant look in his eyes and his deadly words truly frightened me. "You are abandoning me, I can not allow it!"

His grip tightened. I couldn't believe he would do this to me after all I had sacrificed to stay at his side. He had snapped. I found my breath was taken from me as he slowly tightened his grip. I tried to move his hands, the world was blurring at the edges. I couldn't cry out. I thought that was it for me. The pain burning at my throat suddenly faded, Cesare was upon the ground. A white blur standing in front of me.

It was then I heard Ezio's voice. "Touch her again and you die here and now."

I gasped for air, slowly recovering myself I pulled up. I caught Cesare's horrified look, he rushed free of the room.

"Are you okay?" Ezio pressed turning to me.

"Yes." I strained.

And then he was gone, chasing after Cesare. I staggered free of the room not knowing where to go, but I had to leave here. I was still reeling, how could Cesare turn upon me like that? I held back the tears desperate to escape as I walked passed guards, acting like I was okay. It was painful to swallow back the tears, but I had to leave. I would no longer hold to hope, it was gone. I had stayed with a monster, and worst of all I had loved him. I felt crushed. I had no idea how I managed to leave, and find my way into the city. I found an ally. Falling to the ground I wept until I couldn't breathe. I gasped in gulps of air, then continued until I found I could cry no more. I was exhausted, my chest and eyes ached with the force of my sobs. I dragged myself up not caring how I looked, just wanting to put greater distance between me and Cesare.

"Alessandra?" I heard a voice call.

I looked to the blur growing closer, I blinked away the tears. It was Claudia. I secretly hoped she had come to end it all, a swift assassin blade to end my suffering. But she did not welcome me with open arms nor open hostility. A strained civility was only given our previous bond, I assumed now forgotten like a debt repaid. She led me away. I had no idea where to and I didn't care.


	21. How much are you worth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra is taken to an assassin hide out, does she have any allies left?

Claudia took me underground, and I did not care if I would never be seen or heard from again, in that moment I was destroyed. She tried speaking to me, but I could not hear her clearly enough to respond. I just looked through her hearing muffled distant words trying to make sense within the jumble that was now my mind. My mind was consumed with shock and horror of it, I had never thought he would hurt me, maybe in the beginning but not now. I loved him, and I was sure he loved me or maybe I had deluded myself. I could hear more voices echoing around me. I could only hear them with clarity when the loud voice of Ezio cut through the noise in my head "Alessandra are you okay?"

His eyes full of concern, but he seemed so conflicted as if he was unsure how to be around me. I felt strange, so out of place. This had once been my world and when Cesare took me from it I barely knew how I would survive, but I made the sacrifice and remained. My first mistake was finding an ally in him assuring myself it was just to make my time there easier, but I had not just found an ally in a twisted way I began to love him that was my fatal mistake. My heart was broken, and I had no idea what to say to Ezio. I could barely process the anger, guilt, and confusion I felt. I was angry at him as on some level I blamed him for abandoning me, I felt guilty for loving the son of a man who had destroyed his family, and confused as to where I fitted into this world anymore.

I gasped suddenly as if coming up for air, I broke through the surface and everything came back to me. I preferred the numbness of the shock, the genuine pain that coursed through me now made me feel the need to sob and lash out at the same time. "No," was the only word that managed to escape my lips.

My hand tremored, I had to take deep controlled breathes to hold back the tears threatening to flow. Ezio pulled back up letting my hand slip from his, I had not registered he was holding it until he let go and the cool air took to the skin. I said nothing, neither did he. We just looked to one another as if we were strangers. Machiavelli turned to Ezio "Is it safe to have her here given her ever changing loyalty?"

I knew he had every right to say it, and every right to be angry as did I. It was them who had advised Ezio against aiding me, telling him it was a sacrifice to the brotherhood. Ezio was about to respond when I heard his uncle's voice. "Say whatever you will and you always do. I owe this woman my life."

"I do not care what you owe, I do not trust her. The only use for her is information if she will even give it." He walked over dropping to his haunches he looked to me with disdain. "Where is your husband?

"I cannot tell you that," I stressed.

I knew that they intended to kill him, and despite all I had been through I still could not bring myself to hurt him. I may have seen the darker side of him, threatening cruel and murderous but still some foolish need called for me to hold out a hope for him, and the return of our son. I knew I was a fool but it did not change my stance.

 

"See she remains loyal to that man even after he tried to kill her. I worry for her sanity." Machiavelli spat.

I shared his sentiment, what was wrong with me?

"Ezio you cannot possibly trust her, after all she has done. Taking to the bed of our enemy was bad enough but then she chose to marry him. I feel no joy in telling you such things.."

"You could have fooled me." I snapped.

The torn look upon Ezio face made my heart ache, there were no words to fix this. "I was alone, I needed to survive. Would you rather me dead?" I posed my voice strained and cracking with emotion.

"I do not know." Ezio muttered unable to look at me.

"I do,” Machiavelli added.

Claudia remained silent; she had not said a word to me or of me. I was not sure if this was to my detriment or benefit. But she alike her brother looked conflicted upon how to feel about me and all that had passed since we had last seen each other.

The back and forth continued until Ezio resolved to take to the streets and discover his whereabouts for himself. "Do not let her follow me," Ezio stated pointedly.

I couldn't possibly sit here and wait while they tried to kill him, I had felt so sure I wanted to be nowhere near him but I couldn't let him die. I was about to drag myself up when Machiavelli hissed "Where do you think you're going?"

I didn't even get the chance to respond, his hands pressed down upon my shoulders forcing me back down. "The Auditore's suffer from some lingering misguided affection for you. I however, do not suffer such an affliction. Do not test me. If Ezio fails to find him I will drag the truth from you by any means necessary."

He forced the hidden blade to extend as if in warning as to how far he was willing to go. "I will use you against Cesare if necessary. We will see if that snake has a heart."

I couldn't believe they had left me with Machiavelli given his manner toward me. He seemed to have an agenda of his own. I could only watch and wait while he plotted and pondered my fate and that of my husband. There was a long drawn out silence, in which time had seemed to drag out for an eternity.

Machiavelli stormed over and he grabbed my arm, dragging me up. "Let us see just how much you are worth to Cesare." He hissed.

I tried to run. This led to a drawn-out struggle, in which he somehow managed to bind my hands, my skills were too rusty. I had no intention of making this easy for him, so I made sure I was as loud as possible. "Look if you must be difficult I will be forced to hurt you, and I would rather not have to resort to such methods," he warned.

"What are you hoping to get out of this?" I hissed.

"It is politics, none of your concern."

I sighed heavily; politics had played its role in keep Cesare from his family and focused on power and the means of gaining more. I saw a similar spark in Machiavelli's eyes, he to sort to gain standing and the methods as always were whatever was necessary, the ends justify the means.

Did I want to return to Cesare? And did I want to be a convenient bargaining chip? The second one I was sure of but the first I was not. Everything was too confused, muddied with a mess of emotions. Machiavelli did not wait he forced me forward, and there was no one here to oppose him if they even would have. "Get on," He ordered as he pushed me toward the horse he had saddled outside. 

The light was blinding, I stood dazed. When a hand dragged at mine pulling me upon a horse I forgot where I was for a moment. I had not remained hidden and in darkness for long, now I had been cast out. Stuck between the man who had only hours ago wanted to kill me and a man who wished to press his own agenda unknown to his fellow assassins. We took off at speed toward wherever he had decided his dealings would take place. 

When we began to slow my heart sunk, I felt an edge of fear. Dragging me down Machiavelli forced me forward.

We took down an ally and Machiavelli called out, "Cesare Borgia."

"I am here. This had better be worth my time," he spat.

Machiavelli dragged me to his side. "I brought someone here for you."

Cesare's brow knotted, he looked up to make out who it was beside him. His eyes widened when he saw me, my heart pounded heavily in my chest. I couldn't tell if it was fear or shock. I held to my stunned silence. "Talk," Machiavelli hissed jabbing a blade into my side.

"Alessandra?" Cesare called to me in a broken voice.

I could not hold eye contact with him. So I looked to the ground. "Is this not a lovely reunion," Machiavelli taunted.

"If you hurt her I will kill you." Cesare hissed.

"Why would I do that unless it was necessary? You need only give me the names of those who can and will aid my political career. The Borgia name is mud but you still have connections and it is only these I want. Then you can do whatever you want with her." He remarked as if I was garbage.

I was confused, why was Cesare acting as if he cared for my well being? Especially given that the last time he had seen me his hands had been at my throat. I was taken back when Cesare gave into Machiavelli demands, I had thought he would have killed him where he stood then finished what he had started with me. But instead when Machiavelli threw me to him, he embraced me, crying my name as if he cared for me. I remained rigid in his arms, feeling nothing. I should have feared him, or felt something but I felt like I was still in shock.

He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, “I am sorry Alessandra. I…lost my mind in that moment.” He as attempting to to justify his actions to me, How dare he. It was these words that drew me free of the shock, bringing so much pain to the surface.

“I never thought you would hurt me, others maybe but me…I thought you loved me Cesare, what a fool I was for believing it,” I cried with emotion I had not wanted to reveal or allow to surface but could no longer hold back.

“I do love you…”

“But not enough it would seem. You love power more, why could I not see it?” I berated myself.

He looked wounded by my words but I didn’t care to protect his feelings, only his life. I still didn’t quite understand why given he didn’t seem to value mine. But I couldn’t be like him, I was different, I gave up everything to be with him and it wasn’t enough. So I followed him in silence, evading him when he reached out for me. Once I was amidst his soldiers, I saw a familiar face, the guard to who I had become friends during my time with the Borgia's. 

I cautiously walked over to him. “You can’t be here.” I whispered.

“Why not?” He pressed.

“The assassins are coming, none will survive this fight. Please leave, you have a child and wife to go home to, do so now.”

“If I leave I will never have another job, I need to provide for them.”

I continued to press him, but he ignored my desperate pleas. And soon it was too late and once again I stood on the wrong side.


	22. Back to the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds herself caught in the middle and is left wondering where she will end up?

As the soldiers about me charged forward, I was left standing in the middle not knowing what to do. Unarmed and I was an allied to neither side. I felt a pull upon my arm and found myself being dragged back. I turned to see who grip was tight about my arm and to where they were pulling me too.

“Cesare? What are you doing?” I exclaimed.

“This is for your safety, my love.” He remarked as he dropped the city gate shut, effectively putting a wall between us and the midst of the fray.

I found myself staring through the gate my eyes darting as the carnage ensued. Guards were cut down as were assassin recruits. It was a massacre. I watched Ezio dispense with them with a strange object within his grasp. I knew that piece; it was that damned artefact that had driven Cesare further into madness. And now Ezio held it. Its power was frightening to witness as it drained Ezio almost to the point of collapse as those who had him surrounded now turned upon each other or dropped to the ground. I spotted a guard who had slipped passed and was intent upon stabbing Ezio in the back.

I found myself crying out, “Behind you, Ezio.”

He turned swiftly and took his boot to the guard to send him back before lifting the apple and ending him. I felt a stab of guilt but I could not watch Ezio die. I loved him once and I had not forgotten that. I felt Cesare pull me away, he forced me to look at him. “You’re helping them? Is this how you stab back at me? Aiding my enemies in their bid to get to at me. I am not able to fight. That damn poison has weakened me. Or they would know my wrath,” He gasped as he doubled over in pain.

I looked to him and I felt a shred of concern for his wellbeing, what was wrong with me? He had tried to kill me and yet I still felt for him. Maybe this madness he had fallen to was contagious.

“You need a doctor, Cesare.” 

As he drew back up slowly, looking pale, a ghost of a smile came to his lips. “I knew you still cared for me. I will make this up to you. My army will soon be here. You will see. It will be glorious. I will take Rome and with you at my side.”

That crazed look was upon his face again, I did not trust a word but I did fear them. My eyes were drawn to the horizon as a group of soldiers slowly come into view. I did not know what to think or do. As I looked to Cesare he looked almost villainous with a cruel smile crossing his lips. This could not be the same man I tried to assure myself. I could not be so blind. Cesare’s smile faded when the army drew closer and were ordered to restrain him. The man leading the armies began to read a list of charges. I found I could not look at Cesare, I felt some measure of shame for his actions. His ravings only made me feel sure that he was lost to me but I looked up when Cesare cried out, “Alessandra I will find you, we will be together again.” 

I was confused as my heart lurched at the sight of him being dragged away and yet there was a sense of relief as he faded away. The gate to the city was opened and the man who had given the order looked to me and remarked, “Be thankful no one believed you complicit in his actions.”

I gulped. ‘Thankful?’ I muttered to myself, I had no wish to be seen as a naïve fool but I suppose it was better than the alternative. My mind was awash with too many thoughts and emotions I couldn’t focus. It took me some time to walk back into the city and when I did it felt like a strange place, it had never been home to me. I looked to the blood-stained courtyard where the assassins had made their stand against Cesare. I found I no longer wanted to think of him as my husband. As when I did I felt shame and pressure in my chest, I was not ready to confront my feelings about him. They tore me up inside. I cautiously stepped over the bodies littering the ground. Horrified by the sights of the slain, I began a fearful search for my friend in the guard. In vain I hoped that somehow he had escaped, but it was then that I found him. There he lay, still and flat upon the ground, his sword still in hand. I still wanted to believe it wasn’t him, maybe it just looked like him. So I drew closer, his helm was gone and there was no mistaking his face. My heart strained at the vision of him. I knelt down beside him, “Why didn’t you listen to me?” I stressed.

He was a good man, he did not deserve such an end. I wondered how many of those surrounding me were the same, good men and women fighting for what they believed, following orders to defend their employer. My heart sunk at the thought, such needless violence. So many lives wasted. I sighed heavily as my tears stained the ground, mixing with the blood. I did not wish to look upon this horror any longer but the thought occurred to me, what would I tell his wife? And what of his child growing up without a father, this thought caught me in a wave of emotion as I thought of my own son out there alone. I closed my eyes and let the tears flowed freely as I said a prayer for my fallen friend and my lost son, praying they both would find their way wherever they were. I looked up my eyes a little blurred by the tears forming in my eyes. I could see Ezio saying a word for his fallen comrades. He pulled up and looked to me. He looked torn as if he didn’t know what to do. He opened his mouth as if to say something but Machiavelli's hand upon his shoulder broke our gaze.

I could have waited, and I could have run to him, told him how I was glad to see him safe. But I knew that given the madness that had occurred in our time apart, there was more than distance and duty between us. It felt so strange, he was so close and yet it felt as if he was a world away from me. My heart sunk as he turned his back to me and walked away. Claudia to cast a gaze to me before following on, she had handled herself so well, I couldn’t believe how much she had grown up in such a short time. But she too was lost to me. I was alone. I needed to find my son, which was now my only goal. He was the only man I cared for, and the only one I knew with certainty I wanted to see again. I felt as if a piece of me was missing.

There would be one act of mercy I would need to perform before I continued my search. And that was to tell my friends wife of his passing, she had a right to know. It would crush me to see her grief and to see her holding her child but it was the right thing to do. I leant down and slowly removed the ring adorning his finger. “I will see that she gets this,” I whispered as if he could hear me.

I cleaned the blood staining the ring it, as it was enough for her to know he was gone she need not have to see his blood covering their ring. I would have made sure to carry him free of this so she could bury him but I did not have the strength. I could at least return her one thing of his, something she could keep to remember him by. It would not be enough but it was something.

 

It took me some time on foot to get to their home. I dreaded knocking upon her door, as I feared her reaction, would she hold me responsible? He had died in service to Cesare, another fallen in his crusade. I took a deep breath and wrapped my knuckles against the wood and awaited her anxiously. After a few still moments, I began to hope she was not home but a sudden cry sounded then slowly eased to silence with a soothing voice calling for peace. The door soon opened, and I was greeted by quite a sight. She looked haggard, older than her years. Her hair was bedraggled, and her eyes manic. She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please, can you look after him for a moment?"

I wanted to say no but I couldn't refuse her in the state she was in. She cautiously placed him in my arms; I reluctantly took Antonio and looked down at him. He was so small, his little eyes seemed to capture me and hold me. I felt a smile unbidden cross my lips. His look of contentment and wonder was endearing. My heart ached for my own son to be the one in my arms. Tears misted my eyes before they coursed down my cheeks. I stopped their progress so they did not drop upon him. I found myself apologising, it was for him at the loss of his father and for my son wherever he was. I would have cried out but I didn't wish to alarm her or her son, my despair was my own. They would soon be grieving their own loss. I let her sleep for some time as she must have needed it. It was agonising for me to spend time with her son as each moment strained my heart, a cruel reminder.

I was fortunate he did not cry or need for anything while she slept. He just seemed curious of all around him. I smiled through my tears. He was beautiful but he was not mine. My heart lurched when she stirred and walked back out with sleepy eyes, her arms held out to take him. It felt like the horror of losing my own son was happening again. I could recall the sinking feeling, our time had been to brief and yet I recalled his face, burned into my mind and heart. With shaky arms passed him back over to her. 

"Thank you so much I haven't slept in some time. I love him more than I knew possible but he is so demanding. Your child must be the same." She smiled.

I felt a stab in my chest and I just nodded. I didn't wish to feel the shock and horror by explaining my troubles as this wasn't a social visit. I didn't know where to start so I just remarked, "I have news."

"That sounds ominous," she replied as if hoping that I would correct her assumption. 

I dropped my eyes to ground only to hear her exclaim, "What is it?"

"You're husband...He is dead.”

“Dead?” She exclaimed.

Her son began screaming loudly as she became more panicked. Eventually, the cries were almost deafening and she just looked frozen in place her eyes locked on the door as if she was wishing him to walk in and prove my statement false.

I felt useless in that moment, as I did not have the words, all I could manage to say felt so trite, “I am so sorry.”

“Why would you say such a thing to me, if this is a joke it is cruel.” She cried.

I did not want to be the one to tell her such a cruel truth but I couldn’t leave her not knowing, so I pulled the ring free of my pocket and held it out to her. “He would have wanted you to have this.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at the ring, she gasped. “No,” was all she kept saying over and over again and her son shared her anxiety as he wailed. It was as if on some level he knew something was wrong but he would not know what for some time. She, however, would have to grieve whilst bringing up their son alone. I felt for her, I wanted to offer aid or comfort but she wanted neither. Each time I drew closer she would back away and begin shaking her head exclaiming, “no.”

I felt at a loss in the corner of her home while she tried to wrap her mind around the horrible truth. “Do you want me to leave?” I finally asked.

“I want…I want him back. I want him to walk through the door and this to be all some terrible nightmare,” she stammered.

Tears shone in her pained eyes as she looked to me as if hoping I could tell her this was not real but I couldn’t tell her that. I only returned her gaze with what I hope appeared as compassion not pity although I did feel both. It was difficult to not pity the situation she was now in but compassion is what kept me from tearing out of the room no matter how uncomfortable I felt witnessing her pain. 

“It is not a nightmare is it?” she strained.

I sighed heavily. “No, I am afraid it is not.”

I stepped closer, this time she did not back away from me. She allowed me to pull her cautiously into an embrace of sorts given she still held tightly to her son. She pressed her head to my shoulder and wailed, it was muffled by my shoulder but she was torn up and I had to witness it. It felt like a punishment to bear witness to her heartbreaking while she tried to look after her son. He would no longer settle, no words or hugs would assuage his their pain.

I was surprised she asked me no questions and wanted me to remain. It was a strained silence and I wondered many times how my presence alone did anything for her but every time I asked her if she wanted me to leave she said no. I sat beside her even as it grew late.

I awoke with a start forgetting where was I was for a moment. I looked beside me and it was as if she had not moved her eyes dull and bloodshot. Dark circles were forming under her eyes. She was so still and silent, it was as if she was a statue. I pulled up and hissed as my muscles reacted to my motion with pain. I was forced to stretch out my stiff muscles. The memories of yesterday rushed back to me, it left me feeling empty. I felt as though I had been caught in a storm and after it passed I was left with nothing. Everything I once cared about lost to me. I glanced at her once more as if expecting something. She had not moved an inch.

“Do you want me to stay?” I remarked.

“No. I have been thinking and I have family I can call upon. This is not my home,” her words sounded hollow as if she was all cried out and now she was feeling numb.

“Are you sure?” I pressed feeling strange now that she was allowing me to leave it no longer felt so easy.

I did not want to leave her like this but I also realised I had nowhere to go. It had been some time since I had been upon the streets. I would be back to where I started. I wondered if maybe I should never have left.

She broke my train of thought as she remarked, “yes. I am sure. Thank you for staying, however, I believe it would be best if you do not seek me out.”

“Why?” I pressed even though I could guess her reasoning.

“I know it was not your fault but your husband is responsible and I feel a rage building within me. It would be best if I ever see you again that it be some time from now.”

I felt pained to hear the words but I understood. “I understand.”

I walked to toward the door and I felt afraid to look back as if I would see something terrible. As I pushed the door open she uttered, “Thank you for bringing me his ring.”

I stepped outside and looked about as if I was in some foreign land. I didn’t know where to go and I had no money. It was not like Firenze, I had known those streets, known the people. Things were different here. Aimlessly I wondered until I found myself in an alleyway. I retreated to the corner and slid to the ground. I dropped my head upon knees as I pulled them to my chest. As I began to wallow in my misery in the shadows I heard a strange sound. My head jolted upright. A gaunt man was approaching me slowly, his eyes narrowed. “I remember you from somewhere?” he muttered.

I tensed against the wall fearing some reprisal for actions perpetrated by Cesare. Apparently, I knew so little of the man I had married. The charges replayed in my mind as I waited anxiously for an attack of some kind.

“You gave us food. What are doing out here?” His eyes seemed hopeful until he looked at my bedraggled profile.

“I have nowhere to go.” I sobbed.

“Follow me,” he beckoned.

I had a fearful thought of him leading me into a trap but I pulled up and followed on. Rounding a corner I saw a small group of men and women, each looking to one another as I approached. I caught their whispers, “who the hell is that?” “Why bring in a stranger?”

They appeared afraid of me, I had not expected that. The man I had been followed instructed me to sit, “Make room would you,” he ordered and they listened.

I sat down amongst them, the smell of rot and old sweat was strong but I held back the bile climbing my throat. I had been here before, and I recalled it was safer to live on the streets in little groups. Anyone with skill would get what they could. I had been a good thief and it looked like I would be called back into service. I couldn’t believe I was back here.

“What can you do?” I heard the dark eyed and dark haired young woman beside me press with a suspicious look.

You could tell she was young but her sallow skin aged her and robbed her face of its youth. “I was a good thief. My skills might be a little rusty.” I replied.

I sat nervously as they all eyed me. All the while I was praying none of them would recognise me, or know of me. Their leader clearly knew of me or who I was, I was thankful he chose not to reveal that fact but I worried that maybe he was keeping my secret for his own means. Either way, I would at least have some form of protection and shelter amongst them. 

“We will have to get you something less conspicuous,” their leader remarked looking at my clothes.

The dust and blood thankfully had made them appear worn or stolen. “you rob a posh corpse?” The girl across from me snickered.

“Better than nothing,” I returned holding her harsh glare.

They all looked exhausted and gaunt. This must have been how I looked at one time. It was not a pretty sight to see someone barely living. It had been some time since I had robbed anyone. I wasn’t sure if I had the speed and light touch I used to but I guessed I would soon find out.


	23. Old ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds that she will need to relearn old ways to survive

I awoke to a familiar ache in my joints and a bad taste in my mouth. It was no easy transition from comfort to desolation, but I reminded myself I had done this before, it had never been easy but I had survived it. I was a survivor. Having to report to the leader of this group was different but they had been gracious enough to not leave me to the unknowns of life on the streets of Rome.

I strained to walk but found him awaiting me. His dark eyes locked on me, it was rather unsettling. I looked to him and pressed, "I assume you wish me to earn my way. Theft was my only skill."

He raised a brow, taking a hand through his greasy graying hair. "I know who you are you need not pretend you know a thing of this life," he hissed, furrowing his brow as if I was mocking him.

"You know nothing of me. I survived on the streets of Firenze for most of my life," I exclaimed.

He narrowed his eyes. It seemed as if we were locked in a battle of wills. I believed he thought me a spoilt rich woman he could extort but I was nothing of the kind and he would learn that it was integral to my survival. My skills would be rusty but I would learn fast enough, it was either learn or die. 

"That maybe so but trust me Firenze is nothing like Rome, there are more here just as desperate and they will fight for their lives just as hard as we do. Can you fight?"

"I can." 

"Then there might be hope for you yet," he remarked looking unconvinced. "I would suggest your first task be finding more fitting clothes."

I knew he was right. I would not blend in with Borgia colors. So I would have to start from scratch. I recalled how nervous I had been snatching my first coin purse, I had almost dropped it my hands were shaking that much. But I was faster than the woman I had robbed. The guilt wasn't something I could dwell upon. Rather just appreciate the food it had allowed me to buy and that the pain in my stomach was soothed for a time. 

This would be more difficult as I was older, and I was a healthier weight than I was back then. So I would have to use my wits, observe my target or if possible find a vendor and distract them. I nodded and left him to his own tasks whatever they were. I made my way toward the busy streets of Rome, looking worse for wear, my clothes tattered. I hoped maybe someone would take pity on me but I had no such luck. I only received scowls and disgusted looks. I furrowed my brow and began to take in my surroundings, vendors lining both sides of the streets, their eyes watchful for opportunists like myself as well as hopeful for each passerby to be their next customer.

One vendor looked remarkably busy flirting with a beautiful female customer, so I saw my window. I made sure to go for the plainest items. While she flattered him, I robbed him. You would have thought us working together but it was just a happy coincidence that I took full advantage of. I felt my heart lurch as I edged the items free of his stall, fearing that his eye would wander from her or that someone would see me. I held my breath fearing to make any noise or sudden motion. I walked away slowly and slipped into the crowd, still shaking I took a breath and prayed that he wouldn't call out; I had to prove myself and to do so I had to look the part. I only sighed with relief ducking behind a corner. I had no idea what I had in hand but I could hope it was of use. Stealing usually required a little more finesse and forethought but I currently had neither. I would have to learn as I did in Firenze one job to another. I heard a cry of, “Thief” behind me. I froze in place.

My heart lurched upon hearing the heavy armored boots of the guards, I closed my eyes tightly. I felt no pull or push of guard’s hand. I opened my eyes slowly only to see them in pursuit of the poor slender girl who had eyes me with suspicion yesterday. They were close on her tail, she was flagging. I had to do something. I chased after them with no plan just knowing I couldn’t allow her to be caught. It took it out of me running at speed. I was winded but pushed through the pain, charging into the guard as if I had not seen him, all the while profusely apologizing. As the guard recovered himself he shot a withering look to me. In those precious moments of confusion, they lost her, and I slipped into an ally as they turned to look for her. If I remained they would turn their ire upon me. Despite the burning in my chest I pushed on until I felt safe. When I finally stopped my heart was racing and my side ached. The chase had been a source of amusement when I was younger but today it just felt exhausting and frightening. I began to feel unsure as to whether I could survive this time. In my younger days I had no care for others but now there were people who mattered to me, I wanted my son back. Going back to that life suddenly seemed impossible as how could I raise a child or find him on what little I could steal. I gasped feeling a hand upon my shoulder; surely they wouldn’t have pursued me? But it was the young girl, “I had it under control,” she assured me. I raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Thanks anyway. You might want to wash in the river.” She wrinkled her nose and coughed for emphasis.

She was right. The sweat had dried atop yesterday’s leaving a lingering odor. “When was the last time you ate?” I pressed her before she tried to slip away.

“I can’t remember,” She waved a hand dismissively.

“What did you steal?” I mused hoping it was something she could trade.

“Why do you want to know?” She hissed with a distrustful look upon her face.

“I hoped it’s something you can trade for food. I saw you flagging back there.”

“You’re not my mother.” She snapped definitely.

“No, but I have been where you are and you will get caught if you keel over,” I warned.

“I can look after myself,” she countered and stormed away stumbling as she went.

A stab of concern hit me watching her struggle. I may not have been her mother but I could try and help. First I would have to follow her advice and find a secluded section near the river to bathe. I had to blend to be able to steal. Slinking under a bridge, feeling exposed as I removed my dress. I missed privacy although I had precious little of it living with the Borgia’s. Stepping into the cool water, I dropped beneath the waves and hoped to be washed clean of all misdeeds I had somehow had a hand in by supporting Cesare in my desperate need to believe I could change him, and pull him free of his family’s twisted grip. I pulled back up and took a deep pained breath, and as I stepped back out I was glad to find my clothes were still there and there was still no one in sight. The clothes I had stolen were bigger than I imagined, better than too small I suppose. They swallowed me in plain beige and brown. Pulling my hair back and pulling it into a tight braid, using an errant thread to wrap around the end. I looked at my visage in the river and barely recognized myself, no makeup to highlight my features, I was plain and would blend with ease. Strange feeling to be faceless, to walk through a crowd unnoticed but as painful as it could be it was useful. I pulled my boots under the brown pants as I needed nothing to draw an eye to me. 

Walking out from beneath that bridge, I felt as if I was leaving myself behind and once again becoming whatever was necessary to survive. Conscience would have to become secondary to survival. I sighed heavily. Back upon the streets of Rome not a single person’s eye was cast to me. So I seized the opportunity to knock into a well-dressed woman and steal her coin purse and disappear swiftly into the crowds so she had no time to see my face, just a sea of faceless people, hopefully leaving her clueless as to her robber. My fingers had taken to her purse swiftly as if they recalled the agility needed, but the running and the fear of being caught was much harder than I recalled, it felt stressful. I continued down the street and waited until I was a fair distance before I checked her purse to see how much I had. It wasn’t much but it was enough to buy food and that was all I wanted. Finding a vendor selling supposed fresh goods, I had learned in the past to check as the last thing you needed was to be robbed yourself. I carried the small bundle back to the same little corner of Rome in which they had chosen to call home. All eyes took to me I entered, “Who are you?”

A blade was pointed in my direction. “You only saw me earlier this morning. I do not look so different do I?”

“I cannot believe it.” He exclaimed.

“Expected I would fail?” I remarked with annoyance.

“Yes, I did not expect to see you again.” He replied with amazement.

“I told you I had done this before,” I assured him for the second time. This time he looked as if he believed me and looked unsure as to what to say next so I took the lead and added, “I have something for all of you, it’s not much but it’s all I could get. It’s fresh, I checked.”

I unbundled the fruit and cheese, their eyes widened. I took an apple for myself and a wedge of cheese for the girl from earlier. She did not appear to be one of the many who had forced their way forward, she would probably not have the energy to fight them. I sought her out while they fought over what little I had managed to get. She was lying down on the ground looking up, her eyes barely open but she moved quickly enough on my approach. Jolting up and looking at me, her body language guarded. “Catch,” I warned as I tossed the cheese at her.

She caught it clumsily and looked at it as if it was poisoned at first but she soon gave into the hunger and ate in ravenously. The juicy apple did little to satisfy my own thirst and hunger but it was better than nothing, it took the edge off. I lay upon the ground myself, the strain of the adrenaline and exertion had taken its toll, my eyes were heavy and despite the hard ground pressed harshly to my back I felt myself drifting until a gentle nudge and a small voice called, “hey, you asleep?”

I looked up to see the young girl lingering anxiously beside me. Pulling up to a sitting position I offered, “Take a seat.” She slowly lowered down and sat in front of me, her eye contact was evasive. I waited in the silence that drew out and finally pressed tentatively, “Did you want something?”

“I suppose I should…Thank you for earlier.”

She looked as if it made her very uncomfortable to accept my aid. I understood as you became suspicious of those who held a hand to you as all too often it would end badly. So trust was rare out here as often trust and survival did not go hand in hand, it was a sad truth.

“No need. Just did what I could,” I assured her.

She snorted and replied, “True, it was the bare minimum.” 

I gave a weak smile before placing my head back down on the hard ground. My vision was marred by a sheet cast over my face, I coughed and spluttered pulling it away and looking to what I assumed was the direction it had been thrown from to see the girl laughing to herself. “It helps a little,” was all she added before disappearing back over to her corner.

It was precious little comfort but it was either that bit of warmth or a layer between you and the cold ground. I was thankful but she seemed alike to me when I was younger, thanks might only embarrass her further. So I just pulled it underneath me and was glad of the gesture. It was strange to know no bodies name but it was easier to not get attached to anyone you met as out here, as things could change in an instant and you had to keep going no matter what. I had to keep going, to find my way back to my son. Despite my circumstances, I couldn’t give up hope. This time it wasn’t just mere survival, I was fighting for more.


	24. Unexpected targets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alessandra finds herself amongst old company

Walking unnoticed through a crowd was now done with such ease that I barely glanced at the passing faces until I swore I saw a glimpse of a familiar face. 

‘It could not be!’ 

There was a lingering doubt and curiosity behind my scepticism. So I turned on my heel and I began searching him out. I grew frustrated as I could only see the backs of people's heads. I felt compelled to follow and before I could think better of it I was pushing my way through the crowd trying to catch a second glimpse. I had to be sure. I followed after him wondering why he would be in Rome, and why was no one stopping him. I dropped my eyes for only a moment but that was all it took and I had lost sight of him. I felt a strange panic grip me. Leaving me wondering why I was chasing him down but I couldn't will myself to stop. I had to see him. Compelled to talk to him I began running. I didn't care that I was knocking into people as I ran. Only he mattered. When I finally caught up with him I hesitated to reach out but I steeled my nerve and I tapped his shoulder. The face that turned to face me wasn't who I was hoping for.

‘It wasn’t Cesare.’ 

A wave of disappointment hit me and it took me back more than I imagined. "I am sorry. I thought you were someone else," I stammered.

 

I had thought I was done with Cesare but the desperation to see him had been so strong that I couldn't deny it. The tears that burned my eyes thankfully led the wide-eyed stranger to back away, leaving me to my misery. My mind was content to torture my waking mind with apparitions of Cesare and haunt my sleep with images of our lost son. It seemed I was still holding out some deluded hope for us being a family. I wasn't sure how long I stood lost in a sea of faces being jostled from side to side. Eventually, I broke free of the crowd and sat down to gather my racing thoughts. But my reverie was broken by a familiar voice. I looked up to see it was the young girl I had saved from the guards. "What's eating you?" She remarked in a nonchalant manner.

"Nothing," I lied as I was convinced she was nothing but a child, so how could she possibly understand.

She did not press me either through reading my expression or not caring enough, either way, I was grateful. This turmoil within me would find no resolution, well not here or now. She continued, "Found some prime targets. You can come with me or stay here. I don't care either way."

I wanted to sit here and drift into nothingness but something in the timbre of her voice compelled me to drag myself up. Following her, to a more prosperous part of Rome, I wondered what or who had drawn her here given that we would not blend in. She points to a group of men, their coin purses on display as if they feared no one and wished to flaunt their wealth. It was only when one of them turned I froze in place. I recognized them, my Templars brethren. Gianni and then I caught sight of Auerlo beside him. For a brief moment I smiled and wondered whether they were locked in a battle of wits of discussing something of greater importance. I had to shake off these simple thoughts as I was not here to reminisce. These were not men to be messed with. I had to stop her plan in its tracks before this became ugly. The girl didn't realize that their age only served to guise their experience with a blade and their fighting prowess. But how would she know this? I recalled Cesare's words 'they taught me much about combat and how to exploit weakness.'

Before she took a step away from me I grabbed her wrist and remarked flippantly, "You can do better than these old fools."

She glared at me and stated, "look at them bold as brass. Coin purses for the taking. Can't pass that up."

I hoped I wouldn't have to reveal my affiliation with them or let them see how far I had fallen. Trying to trick her out of this foolish endeavour wasn't enough, so I could only warn her. "Don't do this. I know what they are and they are not what they seem."

"What? Old men?"

Her naivety and assumptions were clouding her judgment, she just saw their age and assumed them easy targets but they were anything but. "No. They are Templars," I pressed.

"Fancy titles don’t mean anything," she remarked dismissively.

I was beginning to lose my patience with her flippant attitude but I couldn't relent as this would be a fatal mistake for her. "Not merely title nor are they merely old men."

"No matter they going to be a few coins lighter soon. I am the fastest thief there is. Watch, you might learn a thing or two."

Her ego irked me. I sighed heavily taking my hand over my face in frustration. I continued trying to reason with her but she squirmed free of my grip as I hissed in a hushed manner, "Get back here."

She was gone but I soon spotted her skulking over to them as if she was plotting her approach. I stood there aghast knowing if I did nothing she would be dead or worse and if I took after her I would get caught in the madness. I sighed heavily as I knew I couldn't leave her to them. Running at speed I called out to her waving enthusiastically. I hoped to reveal her presence would deter her but they barely gave us a cursory glance. So I was forced to follow after her ignoring the harsh glares she threw back at me. My heart lurched as she passed a Templar unknown to me, her sleight of hand was indeed fast, and it seemed for a moment like she was home free. She had the purse in hand and he was yet to turn. But in this brief moment of what seemed like calmly assured victory she lingered a moment too long. As if he had seen her all along his arm reached out swiftly and he grabbed her wrist. She gasped in shock and her wide pleading eyes fell to me.

"What do you think you're doing? Stealing...you won't get away with this," he exclaimed in fury as he dragged her toward a nearby stone ruin. He forced her forward and dragged out her arm at an awkward angle. She cried out in agony and begged him to stop, she even dropped the coin but he was so focused upon her that he didn't seem to care about his coin anymore, he wanted to teach her a lesson. The other Templar's seemed to agree with him when he declared, "You know they still cut off thieves hands, fits this crime wouldn't you say," he hissed tightening his fingers around her wrist. She was struggling in vain and I couldn't stand idle any longer. He drew his sword free and drew it back as if to strike. 

"Stop!" I cried. They turned to me, their eyes narrowing upon me. "If she returns your coin and apologizes for the offence caused. I assure you she won't bother you, gentlemen, again."

The man unknown to me didn't release the poor girl but he did look as if was about to give me a piece of his mind, his brow knitted and grip was so tight upon the hilt of the sword that his knuckles whitened. But the Gianni mused, "Alessandra? It can't be. Can it?" They began to scrutinize my face. I tried to pull back but their wide eyes made me believe I was revealed. No idea what this would mean for me. Auerlo had a look of recognition and what seemed like pity as he took me in, "It is you. What on earth has become of you?"

"Do we have an understanding?" I pressed hoping they wouldn't continue to ask after me.

The girl’s eyes were wide and set upon me and she was looking at me as if she had no idea what to make of me. Her eyes narrowed. Gianni looked to me with what appeared to be sadness, "know that I did not wish this misfortune upon you. Your husband perhaps, but never you. It pains me to see you like this."

A rage burned within me and there was an urge to speak in defence of Cesare but I merely sighed and remarked, "I am fine. I will survive as I always have. Would you ask your friend to release mine?"

Aurelo turned and ordered the younger Templar to stand down, unwilling and with no small amount of reticence, he obeyed turning his angry eyes to me. The girl squirmed free and ran, she did not look back it felt like she had already turned her back upon me. I was thankful that Aurelo still commanded such respect despite his advanced years. I looked to the ground not wishing to meet the questioning eyes I now felt were upon me.

"Alessandra. I can't leave you in such a state. I have friends who would gladly take you under their employ. I will not take no for an answer." He cautioned before I had a chance to chime in.

Could I really afford to refuse such an offer? Living purse to purse would never lead me to find anything of my son. A sense of shame led me to cast my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to see their pity or satisfaction at the fall of the Borgia's as sadly I was one of them, in name at least. Aurelo remarked as if reading my mind, "I would not tell them your true last name. Make something up my dear. We can get you cleaned up and start tomorrow you’re of a mind."

I felt as if I had no choice so I nodded and was guided to a beautiful little home in the prosperous side of Rome. After returning to the streets I was beginning to see how this decadence was unnecessary but I held my tongue and simply smiled. He was after all doing me a favour, what right did I have to question him. Auerlo had quite the staff taking care of his every whim. He ordered them to ready a bath. I was uncomfortable watching them run around after me as I didn’t want such a fuss. Watching Aurelo as he spoke to his staff was eye-opening as he was more respectful than most men of his station. Maybe it was an act for me but he didn't speak down to them or look down his nose like I imagined he was doing with me. He asked and they took to their work with a nod and gentle smile. With a gesture of his hand, he bade me to follow him into a small room to the side. He closed to the door and turned to me. “Take a seat. We will have privacy here.” I sat down across from Aurelo and sighed heavily. It was nice to sit upon something comfortable but everything in my life seemed so uncertain that I did not wish to get used to it. I dare not hope that my troubles were at an end. "Alessandra, why did you not come to us?"

"I do not know. The whole thing took me by surprise. I didn't know what to do and this was the only other life I knew."

"Yes, I heard of your past. It saddens me to see so many struggling. Why do you think my staff is so vast? Hmm. I am not incapable of doing these things myself but if I can give a struggling person work."

"You are more honourable than I realized," I confessed.

"Oh do not get me wrong, in my youth I lusted for wealth and power as much as any man, but in my advancing years I have realized what truly matters."

"And what is that?" I mused.

"Leaving this world a little better than when you got here."

"You're quite the philosopher," I remarked pleasantly surprised.

"It might surprise you to know that once Cesare shared such ideals when he was younger. I do not know what or who turned his mind toward other things."

I knew who and what. It was odd to think of Cesare being idealistic given his family and their influence. “What will happen to Cesare?” I mused aloud.

Aurelo’s eyes widened as if surprised, “Have you not heard?”

“Heard what?”

“That he has escaped. What has become of him beyond that I cannot say,” his eyes locked on mine and his expression became stern as he asked, “How did such a gentle soul end become a Borgia?”

“It is a long story,” I confessed not wanting to cast my mind back.

“I suppose it is a story for another time. I imagine you will want to clean up, eat and rest.” I nodded. It was strange to think I would be sleeping in a bed and eating normal food while my friends struggled out there. A small measure of guilt hit me as I followed Aurelo to his small dining room where I devoured soup and bread with the fervour of a ravenous animal. I had not realised how hungry I was until the smell of spices and meat had hit my nose it renewed the gnawing in my stomach. Hunger slaked I now realised how that must have looked and I looked over to see Aurelo sitting there wide-eyed but there was a grin crossing his lips. I must have been quite a sight. “I apologise for my lack of etiquette, it has been some time since I have eaten a proper meal.”

He laughed raucously. “Yes that was quite a display, but I understand. Consider this moment forgotten.”

A curiosity led me to press, “Aurelo what is this work I will be doing?”

“You will be guiding new prospective investors to our cause around Rome. It is nothing but that, I assure you,” he remarked hastily as if desperate to convince me.

“I trust you, Aurelo. But I can also handle myself,” I reassured him.

He sighed with what sounded like relief. Aurelo was enjoyable company. He spoke of philosophy but did not broach any Templar business, possibly out of respect to his brethren and myself. He poured wine and drank enough to feel my thirst satisfied and gentle warmth. “I appreciate your hospitality. I hope I am not imposing.”

“Not at all, it is nice to entertain pleasant company,” he smiled gently.

“May I take my leave before I drink more than my fill of your delectable wine.”

“Of course, I will get someone to escort you to your room.”

I was about to tell him it was unnecessary when a tall dark haired man appeared at my side as if he had anticipated Aurelo’s needs. He offered a gallant hand and did not stare at me despite the state I was in. He led me up a set of steps and led me to the room at the end of the corridor. It was a small room but the necessary comforts were there. A four poster bed a small bath. The steam was still rising from the water so I would assume it would at least be warm. 

“I was also to instruct you that there is a gown you can sleep in. Discard your clothes. I will see to it that you have more appropriate attire in the morning,” he remarked.

He nodded and exited the room closing the door behind him. I was glad to dispose of these rags as they had begun to smell as days of sweat that had clung to me had worked their way into the linen. Testing the water with a cautious toe I found it to be not too hot, just right. Slowly I descended into the water as not to spill the water over the sides and sunk beneath the water luxuriating in the warmth. It felt nice to feel clean and to relax for a brief moment. Closing my eyes I let my mind drift into nothingness. The moment was gone all too soon and I opened my eyes knowing all my worries still awaited me. 

Dragging myself up I took the towel left on the bedside, drying myself off. I took the gown in hand. It was so long and obviously one of Aurelo’s but it was nice to put on something clean. I took to the bed with enthusiasm dropping into the comfort of the sheets and pillows. I pulled the sheets around me and pressed my head into the pillow. I knew I should have been thinking of other things beyond my own comfort and a nagging shame lingered before the darkness took me.


End file.
